to send a nearly 9 year old 100 yards down the road to the chip shop

[workshy]

having left over roast beef and chips for tea but had no frozen chips in yes I know I'm a slattern but it is sunday so sent DD, who will be 9 next month down to the chippy which is on my road, to fetch a bag of chips

she was 'escorted' home by a woman who had happened to be in the chippy and though I was totally unreasonable to let her go to the chip shop by herself at that time of night (it was ten to six when she went)

have I totally lost it in my ability to make reasonable decisions about my child's safety or is she a nut job?

I wouldn't allow my 9 year old put alone yet unless shes with an older teenager atleast but yanbu about the woman-she sounded like a nutjob!
Even imo 9 is a little young to pop to shop i would never march someone elses child home as its their dicision on whether theie kids are allowed to the shop

Why is everyone so angry with the woman? She saw something that worried her, so she took action. She was wrong to be concerned, as it happens, but no harm done. Isn't the mantra of these threads usually "better safe than sorry"?

And another point- the child concerned allowed herself to be escorted home! It's not as if she climbed into the apocryphal white van!

My daughter tried the 'Help me, Help me, he's stealing me' drama when my OH removed her from a playpark she didn't want to leave at the age of 4.
He carried her half a mile in silence whilst she wailed and flailed and no one in the city batted an eyelid, phoned anyone or said anything to him.
Made me think.

Seeker - if you read further up the thread the OP further states that the woman said'

''I followed discreetly behind her but I wanted to have a word'

now there's a difference between discreetly following home to make sure she gets home OK but wanting to have a word about it takes it to a different level and is a bit OTT by the woman.

Looks like she believes the 'It takes a village to raise a child' mantra beloved of many here.
Who knows, she could be posting later about her concerns and the rough-as-a-badger woman who told her off.
Depending on who's around at the time, it could be interesting to compare threads.

Some of the views on this thread are a bit hysterical.
Not letting your child out on their own because they might get abducted is damaging to the child.
Yes, children do get abducted by strangers. But it is very, very, rare. The chances are very low.
Just because something might happen doesn't mean it will hapen and you should avoid the situation at all costs.
The benefits to letting children go out on their own in terms of their development, i.e independence, self-esteem, being able to cope, far outweigh any risks of being abducted.

My children seem to have managed to develope those skills just fine ... After being allowed at alone at secondary school age

YANBU. My 7-yr-old dd walks herself to school (100 yards away) and plays in the churchyard across the lane without me and gets sent to pick up my newspaper for me. She loves being so independent and loves going to knock on her friends' doors too. We live in a small village and I love being able to give her this independence and confidence.

I have discreetly watched children before. Once in a busy shopping mall springs to mind, though in this case the little boy was no older than five and clearly lost.

The thing is, as far as abduction goes, the risk is very small, but if it's there...beyond holding your child's hand 24/7 there's really not a lot that can be done. Recently a four year old girl was abducted and literally yanked from her 12 year old sister's arms. (She was found alive, thankfully) Jacob Wetterling and Shawn Hornbeck were abducted as 11/12 year old boys who were just out playing with friends or biking. Jaycee Dugard was 11 and just walking to the bus stop. Elizabeth Smart was asleep in her own bed!

And how many grown women are abducted just going about their normal lives? All we can do is assess the risks and equip our children with the skills they need.

YANBU

It's infuriating that you feel nervous about letting 9-11 year olds have the freedom they need to mature because people think they are too small to be out.

Then overnight they grow taller and people stop staring.

Having a grow spurt does not, of course, make them anymore sensible

I find this very difficult - I have always felt a bit nervous about giving my DD (nearly 10) the freedom I had as a child but have gradually allowed her out and about more over the past couple of years for a number of reasons:

• she is now at Middle School and has to walk to the bus stop and travel to school alone (well, not alone obviously but without me) and I wanted her to get used to having some independence rather than chucking her in at the deep end.

• most of her friends are allowed to play out/go to the shop/go to the park etc and I didn't want her to be left out. I don't always agree with 'everyone else is' but in this case it didn't seem very fair not to let her. She isn't allowed to go as far as some of her friends and we live in a small village so she's always within a couple of streets of home. I always know where she is (have spot checked her before now!) and there are plenty of people I know keeping an eye out as well (as I do when there are kids playing near my house). I know mobile phones at this age are a whole other debate but hers (which she got just before she changed schools) does come in very handy - she can let me know where she is eg going into someone's garden to play or whatever without having to come home and I can call her if I need her.

• I want her to enjoy the same kind of childhood as I did as far as possible.

That's not to say I don't worry about her when she's out but I do believe in giving kids a certain amount of freedom if you can so OP - no I don't think YWBU.

Said younger DD has just been and returned to the village shop on her bike.

She decided she was allowed to

Obviously if your doing your Y6 SATs you are a big girl!

But at the end of the day we are all able to judge what risks we take with regard to our children. I know I was asked to walk about half a mile to the shop when I was 7-8 and I also regularly walked home alone. It didn't always feel like an independent adventure - sometimes I felt anxious and lonely. But you have to judge your child and their confidence and level
Of responsibility. It's not just about abduction either - getting list in a busy place, getting hit by a car, getting harassed by people, getting upset if they can't find their money or lose something important etc etc
When my dd aged 12 at the time list her mobile in the snow one day in the way to school she was heartbroken and worried and of course had no way of letting me know. She panicked and didn't know wether to look for it and be late for school or leave it and get to school on time... She genuinely had a melt down and a passer by ( another mum) stopped to assist her and called me. I was then able to speak to dd and reassure her. I do think being out and about alone is a big responsibility and completely down to an individual as to when they are ready. My dd2 would have reacted completely differently and dd3 would be different again

I think if you are doing Y6 sats, you are big enough to go to the village shop on your own, but not old enough to go with out telling a grown up where you are, IMO.

And while I don't think the OP is being unreasonable, I wouldn't send my 9yo DS to the chip shop. He would bring back a savaloy instead of chips, or something equally ridiculous.

My 9yr old DS would get a large bottle of Tango !

as long at it would be apple tango whoopydofoxpoo

Oh no the full on orange !

although he would have insisted on lost of slices of lemon with his fish

My DD has regularly been going to our corner shop for slush puppies since she was 7, it's about 1/2mile away.

bleurgh i hate the orange tango.

i send my kids to the chip shop, with a list!! and today as ds4 is poorly ds1 who is 12 went from high school round to the primary school and picked up ds2 yr5 and ds3 yr 2 and brought them home, half hour walk, one busy road but it has a crossing. i just called the school to let them know he would be picking ds3 up as he is in yr2 he has to be let out to a known person, but ds2 would have been able to just walk home on his own. anyway ds1 txt to let me know he had collected them from school and then they all walked home together, no one followed them to tell me how bad my parenting is and had they have done i would have said it was my judgement to make.

You have to be 14 or over to collect from DSs school.