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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send a nearly 9 year old 100 yards down the road to the chip shop

235 replies

workshy · 13/05/2012 18:28

having left over roast beef and chips for tea but had no frozen chips in yes I know I'm a slattern but it is sunday so sent DD, who will be 9 next month down to the chippy which is on my road, to fetch a bag of chips

she was 'escorted' home by a woman who had happened to be in the chippy and though I was totally unreasonable to let her go to the chip shop by herself at that time of night (it was ten to six when she went)

have I totally lost it in my ability to make reasonable decisions about my child's safety or is she a nut job?

OP posts:
gafhyb · 13/05/2012 19:16

Living - that is a very good point, actually. The first thing I've drummed into my sons is to never go anywhere with anyone else.

squeakytoy · 13/05/2012 19:18

OP hasnt actually said that the woman was a stranger to be fair so we could be making wrong judgements on someone here.

Whoopydofoxpoo · 13/05/2012 19:20

Good point Living - if woman was a stranger , in fact a child should n't go with any adult unless parents have said whether they know them or not .

Original poster
workshy · 13/05/2012 19:25

she was a stranger and I did have a word about her being with someone else's child without the parents permission, and she said

'I followed discreetly behind her but I wanted to have a word'

wtf???

I recognise her from the playground but I don't have a clue who she is

OP posts:
gafhyb · 13/05/2012 19:28

I can see why you are so annoyed.

I she a teacher/TA?

StealthPolarBear · 13/05/2012 19:28

fairly sure I was out alone or with younger cousins at around that age - sweet shop at the end of the road etc. Only thing that would concern me really would be traffic, and you know best whether your DD can handle that -I would have thought so.

Emphaticmaybe · 13/05/2012 19:31

You are probably being reasonable, but am I the only parent that finds this part of parenting really hard?

I know rationally that child abduction rates have not increased since the 70s when I was running around all over the place from a young age, but I just don't seem to be able to translate that into giving my kids the same freedoms. I envy the freedom of relaxed (normal?) parents. I'm a worse case scenario kind of person and it makes parenting really hard work - and before anyone says anything I know it's not healthy to pass on your own unreasonable fears to your kids but I find it really difficult to just smile and let them get on with it. I've always had an over-active imagination and it really does not help when assessing safety risks for your own kids. How do other people manage this?

Selyna · 13/05/2012 19:31

and I hope your reply was something to the effect of: "If you follow my child home again I will be contacting the police" End of. If the batty old cow does try it again, follow through! How dare she think she has the right to a say in how your parent your child!

Mad mad mad.

Original poster
workshy · 13/05/2012 19:32

don't think she works at school as DD asked me who I was talking to -I asked her if she had talked to her in the chip shop and she said she was behind her in the line and came out just after her so she just pressumed she was walking the same way

DD knows not to talk to strangers and if anyone even vaguely troublesome is about she is to come straight home or shout 'fire' at the top of her voice (attracts more attention than help)

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 13/05/2012 19:35

at 8 i would have refused to go with a strange woman telling me she would take me home. i'm surprised your dd came with her.

DowagersHump · 13/05/2012 19:36

What a nutjob

Does your DD look especially young or something?

IAmBooyhoo · 13/05/2012 19:36

oops xpost, i only read the op.

gafhyb · 13/05/2012 19:37

Emphatic - it's hard because we are fear and guilt-driven. If something bad were to happen it would be our "fault", therefore inaction (not letting them do things) is easier than action. Also the negative, whilst very unlikely, would be devastating and immediate, whereas the positive (independence, self-esteem, learning to deal with situations yourself) are more of a long-term gain.

I don't smile and let them get on with it. I do as much as I can to build up to new things - small steps, see how they get on, more small steps. Make sure I know that they know what to do in certain scenarios.

wherearemysocks · 13/05/2012 19:37

I let my 7yr old go around the corner to the newsagents on her own.

I was though told off a few months back by a policeman when my 7yr old and 2yr old were outside the front door on their own. I was about 2 metres inside the door and could see them through the glass panel in the door, and then followed them out after finishing a conversation with dh, (which took about 20/30 seconds), it is a pedestrianised passage way so no traffic at all for 2yr old to suddenly bolt for or anything. I did laugh at him and asked him to tell me which law says that aren't allowed outside on their own until a certain age. He just muttered something about being more careful and walked off.

EdlessAllenPoe · 13/05/2012 19:38

i used to go when i was 8 :) we got free chips on a fork as 'tasters'

Thursday was fish n chips night, yummy! nip out and back in time to catch 'Ulysses' on BBC...

gafhyb · 13/05/2012 19:39

... but all the time keeping rational. I'm a scientist at heart and that's how I try to operate - try and weigh up risks logically.

CremeEggThief · 13/05/2012 19:43

YANBU to send your DC for chips. I would send DS, if our chippy was nearer.

I do think YABU to call this woman a nutjob. I think she is overprotective, but isn't it reassuring to know there are adults out there who will try to help children if they think it's needed? So as long as she wasn't rude to you, I would have thanked her for her concern and sent her on her way, in your position.

Emphaticmaybe · 13/05/2012 19:43

Yes I agree gaf that is exactly my reasoning, and like you I have done small steps to greater independence with all 4 of mine, still find it really tough- eldest off to uni in Sep, even harder to remain rational.

AngiBolen · 13/05/2012 19:44

Don't be so lazy. Next time, go and get your chips yourself.

Wink - for those who need it.

YANBU.

HandMadeTail · 13/05/2012 19:45

It would absolutely be unreasonable of you not to allow your DD to learn a little independence.

That woman is an interfering busybody, and should hoick her judgy pants up her arse crack, and walk home with her own chips.

LivingInASieve · 13/05/2012 19:48

I asked her if she had talked to her in the chip shop and she said she was behind her in the line and came out just after her so she just pressumed she was walking the same way

Sorry, I had the impression from your op that she had walked home with your dd rather than following her.

TheFallenMadonna · 13/05/2012 19:50

I sent my 8yo out by herself at about that time, but it was to buy some rhubarb, and therefore completely different.

Wink (just to be on the safe side...)

FanjolinaJolie · 13/05/2012 19:53

I wouldn't send my eight year old down the road to the chippy at all on her own.

No chance.

Franziska · 13/05/2012 19:54

YANBU,

When I was that age, my dad would send me to the shop on a sunday morning to buy a newspaper and a bag of sweets as a reward. It was only a few hundred yards away, and good for me to count the change, interact with the shop owner, etc

Willowisp · 13/05/2012 19:58

Where do you live that you feel it's so safe ? In fact where do all of you live that you deem it's safe ?

My dd is almost 9 & I won't even let her (not that she asks) walk down the road to her friends house.

I think the woman did the right thing -imagine if something had happened to your dd & that woman was the last person to see her ?