To think people who say that they wouldn't have children if they couldn't afford to educate them privately are ...

[seeker]

.....bonkers?

And before anyone says that nobody has ever said that, there have been plenty of threads on here with people saying they stopped at one, or advising people not to have a 3rd because they can't afford private school for more. So presumably they wouldn't have had any if they could not send them to private school.

seeker you are being utterly disingenuous about your circumstances.
I have understood from your posts that you are a. a SAHP (which denotes that you can afford it. Most women can't you know?). b. your daughter has a horse. c. you have a beautiful home (which you kindly posted photos of on your profile) in a very expensive part of the world...and so many other things.

Your DC are very very fortunate.

I frankly, am utterly bemused, how you can sit there on high, from a position of such comfort, telling people that they should give no thought to such ...comfort. That they only need to feed and clothe their DC.

Surely what someone wants to do with their own family planning is their business and nothing to do with anyone else? Why is it bonkers?

It's got to be better to ensure you can afford what is important and do your best for one child rather than have more children than you can afford and have to take state benefits.

Eh? Where have I ever been disingenuous? Did you read my last post?

Course she is. Seeker has a real chip on her shoulder about private education. Although ponies and upkeep don't come cheap either do they. Why don't you sell your pony and have another child? Be bonkers not to really

I would not have had DS if I hadn't been quite sure that I could afford the things I consider important for him. And yes, one of those things is university fees, and currently school fees. I only had one child because having a second one would have severely impacted my abililty to afford those things. We all have to make financial decisions.

Surely its better that parents like that exist? There are enough that have children without no thought as to how they will financially support them. If a parent wants to factor education costs in then thats up to them just like those that buy a house in a good state area etc.

Ok. I actually thought this was quite an interesting debate. But the usual suspects are making it about me. Shame that I don't believe in name changing.

And just for the record I don't have a " chip on my shoulder" about private education. I am opposed to it. That is a completely different thing.

Lol, if you name changed I would still know it was you, I'm sure I would.

Yanbu. Going by this logic, over 90% of parents in the UK should never have had children.

Your financial situation when your baby is born may not be the same as when they start school. Especially in the current climate.

In case seeker, being rude about people without even trying to understand their circumstances might be an interesting debate, but for the rest of the civilised world...not so much.

You equate private education to owning a pony and yet you're neither being disingenuous or have a chip on your shoulder about private education?

You keep telling yourself that.

the usual suspects? I don't believe I have ever posted directly to you before. Certainly I have never said anything unrelated about lifestyle. But your lifestyle here is related and can see why people bring it up.

Oh those hoprrid usual suspects who call hypocricy when they see it.

I didn't plan a 3rd baby partly because I already had 2 with their names down for private school...ds3 came along regardless. We'll just have to juggle a few things as Education is a priority for us. Nothing wrong with prioritising education is there?

I was having this discussion with a friend of mine the other day. We are 25 and 24 and neither have children yet. She could not understand why my parents sent my siblings and I to private schools and why other people continue to do so. The discussion went round in the circles for a while until I realised she grew up in Essex where the top 3 schools (in terms of 5 good GCSEs) are grammar schools and all get 100%.

Where I grew up/live the top 2 schools are private the the 3rd place school get 73%, the drop off after that is stark (69%, 65%, 63% and so on). The borough where I went to school is even more depressing, the top three are private schools, the next 4 are faith schools so at the first 'access all areas' school only 65% of pupils get 5 good GCSEs.

This is (partially) why, unless I move to Essex , I won't having children until I can afford to send them to private school.

i don't think anyone really says this.

Where is my hypocrisy?

The pony is an expensive lifestyle choice. But the reason we didn't have any more children is that I was too old, not that we couldn't have bought a pony for any subsequent children!

The pony and the music lessons and so on are add ons. Once basic needs have been met, what children most need costs nothing. Private education, like ponies, is an "add on". Surely not a deal breaker?

Pointless debate unless you actually know people who would like children but have chosen not to have any because they can't afford private ed.

I suspect that in fact, these people do not exist.

"You equate private education to owning a pony and yet you're neither being disingenuous or have a chip on your shoulder about private education?

You keep telling yourself that."

And I really don't understand this post!

We stopped at one, because to have another would impact negatively on the quality of life we could provide for DS.

You really find that unreasonable?!

for some private ed is not an add on. that's the point.