To think people who say that they wouldn't have children if they couldn't afford to educate them privately are ...

[seeker]

.....bonkers?

And before anyone says that nobody has ever said that, there have been plenty of threads on here with people saying they stopped at one, or advising people not to have a 3rd because they can't afford private school for more. So presumably they wouldn't have had any if they could not send them to private school.

One of the reasons I only want one child is so we can afford to give them opportunities like this - not just private schooling (which is not essential IMO if there's a decent state option available) but in general the ability to give them more, both financially and in terms of our time and attention and energy.

I don't think I'd forego having kids at all if we couldn't afford these things, but I don't see the point of producing more and more when it means a reduction in quality of life for all of them. I think it's a good thing that these days we can choose to limit our family size if we wish. I disliked having siblings so don't really see being an only child as a disadvantage. I believe the research shows that only children are happier (and so are their parents!).

It's a personal decision of course, but it seems perfectly reasonable to me to limit your family size so you can focus your resources on one or two children. I wouldn't judge or criticise anyone who chose to have more - maybe they feel the advantages of being part of a big family outweigh the problems, and that's their right to decide.

I have a relation who decided not to have children because of the state of the local state schools.

they couldn't afford to move house (at that point), and, having been through the local schools themselves, woudl rather not have children than send their child to those schools.

I coudl entirely see his point, having spent large parts of my teacher training on placement in 2 of the options available to him, and a large part of my childhood living in the catchment area for the third. I would not send a child of mine there either, and if it had been the only option open to me then I might well have made the same decision.

this was nothing to do with private schooling - it was entirely the prospect of having to use a dire sink school that put him off. the knowledge that his child would have the same shit start in life he had had, the same issues to face at school, the same drug and knife problems. is that still bonkers? or is it only when private school is factored in that it becomes bonkers?

Maybe it is chippy. But quite a lot of people don't seem able to choose private without running down state, or saying that everyone who's happy with state must have moved for outstanding schools, or that we'd all go private if we could.

Anyway, I've said on various threads why I don't like private education and all the different nuances and variations of that basic premise, I dislike it like I dislike 4x4s and nestle and the house of lords and the Murdoch press and the advert for aptamil.... I think it's wrong, i wouldn't use it, I disapprove of it. I wish i could have had a third child and if a set of school fees was all that had stood in the way I would have thought that a, yes, bonkers reason for not doing so. But that's me.

Calling people bonkers because you don't share their views is chippy, and rude.

Calling people chippy because they don't share yours is fairly rude. And i said I would have though it a bonkers reasons, not that the people were bonkers. I don't really use the word bonkers all that much anyway, now I think of it.

"If you are reasonably well-educated and come from a well-educated family you might easily hesitate about bringing children into the world whom you could not afford to educate in the manner of their relations. It is not easy to be a lot less educated than your parents/aunts/uncles/cousins etc."

Oh yes, my poor children do suffer. But it's OK- when they mix with their priqvely educated friends and relations we make sure there's only finger food so their regrettable lack of table manners isn't too obvious. And xonversations's ok so long as we stick to what's on telly and football. My two can usually recognise most of the words- and the others are very kind about explaining any they don't understand..........

Obvipusly, I make sure ds doesn't take his flick knife, and removes his sovereign ring- then if I dress him in something from Boden you can barely distinguish him from a prep school boy!

TheOriginal I only thought you were being chippy because you think people look down on state schools. I think most people dont, provided the local state school offers a decent education. I went to a non fee paying school, my DH went to fee paying, he doesnt look down on me.

However so many comps are quite poor and I dont see why as a parent you wouldnt get your child a better education if you could

theoriginal of course I didn't think seeker was going to go out on a suicide bomb mission ...though the idea of a dreary, middle aged, middle class woman getting so stressed by a bunch of strangers on t'internet that she takes to mass murder, is an alluring one on this grey Monday morning.

What made me laugh was the sheer ridiculousness of saying it. But then starting threads like this is ridiculous.

Reading the thread, I'm certainly not alone i finding it all rahter entertaining.

Seeker's threads about private education are always a good read. I don't usually play just spectate, but was bored today, so why not.

Prep school boys don't wear Boden. Jack Wills or Hollister mostly.

I'm think if we are going to really drill down on the issues we should aim for accuracy.

Hths

The looking down thing isn't the reason I am not in favour of private ed, I just mean that the whole idea that it's just a choice like any other is a bit simplistic and was discussing that particular angle.

I do disagree though with the premise that 'so many comps are quite poor'.

Word factory, as you're on this thread too I assume you are numbering yourself with the dreary middle aged women?

Seeker
For some reason I am starting to get the urge to being my responses with
"Call me Ishmael."

Have you thought of changing your user name to Ahab as this is becoming an obsession.

People make choices about their families for a massive range of reasons and you are picking one comment out of context from another thread and extrapolating from it.

Why do you persistently worry at this topic?

Those people who will only choose a private school, will only choose a private school no matter what is written.

Those people who will only choose a state school be it due to cost or political / ideological reasons, will only chose a state school no matter what is written.

The rest of us will try to make the best choice we can for our family, no matter what is written.

My prep school boy wears mainly sainsburys. But if you mention the second hand clothes and cars that are the norm around these parts seeker tends to roar with disparaging laughter.

being? sorry begin

theoriginal dreary and middle aged I may very well be...but middle class...how very dare you!!!

p.s. Seeker my prep school boys wouldn't know Boden if it bit them on the bum. Gap, Sports Direct and Sainsbo's. After all it all looks the same caked in mud and grass stains.

I would have still had children if I couldn't afford private ed. I would have made a huge effort to move out of my sink school catchment to be closer to a better state school. Maybe in Kent, a nice grammar school area would be nice

Chubfuddler- my Boden comment was ironic - and in response to Bonsoir's bizarre post. I know that all prep school boys don't wear Boden. or Jack Wills or Hollister. . Just as all state school boys don't carry flick- knives.....

Chubfuddler

Can you stop? I am trying to paint a picture here. They wear Hollister, floppy hair and all say 'yar, it's like really cool'.

I have loads of children who do not exist. All those eggs being released month after month. What about their rights?

How dare I be single and waiting for the right man to come along and deny them life

If there are little boys in any school who care what they look like, I've yet to meet one.

My DS is shameful in his dress. Yesterday, we dropped DD at a freinds at she told him to stay in the car!!!

We are not going to start letting reality interfere with sweeping generalisations, pious smugger and random sneering are we?

God damn. You turn up on a thread, you expect the usual shite...

Pagwatch
Apologies too.

I will start growing my children's hair immediately and buy them stripey blazers to go with their bright red chinos. (Can you get regulation public school boy red chinos for a 4 yr old, you can't start them too young?)

Didn't say middle class! I don't know what class anyone on this thread belongs to, or thinks they belong to. If only there were ever any threads on the subject,....