At what age does breastfeeding become weird?

[TransatlanticCityGirl]

My MIL made a comment today about a mother who breastfed her child until she was 5 years old - as in, 'can you believe it???? that's just not right!'

Which got me wondering, where do most people draw the line in terms of how old is too "weird"?

Well - here's another way of looking at it: if all babies were allowed to choose when they stop breastfeeding then we'd certainly be seeing many, many more breastfed toddlers and young children in this country. Babies - if they're allowed to, generally choose to breastfeed, and it's absolutely natural and instinctive behaviour for most of them - at 3 weeks, 3months or three years of age.

And mostly the end of breastfeeding is not chosen by the child or mutually consensual. It's forced on children because it suits adults not to do it any more. Because an adult's right not to do something that annoys them or they find inconvenient trumps a child's right to choose to do something that's healthy and pleasurable.

Just playing devils advocate

I agree Shagmund. Very true.

If people truly believe that BF past baby hood is for the baby imo they would not be so defensive(that is what I have taken from this thread)

How offensive is the above.

I long term breast fed because DCs want(Ed) it. It can be frustrating sometimes - but it's the best tantrum cure I've ever come across.

I wish people would pull their judge pants out of their arsed and realise responding to your Childs needs is normal and natural.

Isn't this a how long a peace of string question in that it depends on who you ask?

To my sis and MIL first time, my mother longer than 6 weeks, to some of my friends who ff 6 months and anytime from start till then, some of my friends who stopped bf at 12 months it was 12 months.

For me between 14 months and 2 years as that when they either wean or I took steps to encourage that.

My mum and i had a similar conversation this weekend. i am pregnant and said i was planning to bf till baby was 1. My mum got very angry and said it was disgusting to feed after 6 months/when they started getting teeth.

Personally, i think when children get to an age where they can remember it, it is creepy. Yes it is a cultural thing, but i am part of this culture and i can't help but feel if i could remember bf from my mum i would feel very weird.

So for me, past 2 is too old.

I don't think I can bear to read all of these pages!
If the OP is interested in opinions and personal experience, here's mine...
My daughter is 3.4, and still breast feeds.

Her nursery comment on how confident and independent she is. Since she was 12 months I've regularly worked away - 2-4 nights at a time, 2-3x times a month. When I do, she settles perfectly well without breast feeding, but if I'm home she's very insistent.
She feeds at bedtime, in the morning - and occasionally I will let her if she wakes in the night.

She can (and does) ask. Some people say that's the point it's weird. But for me, it's the point it became an 'equal' relationship. As a baby, she fed when she wanted to. As a toddler and now a child, and can ( and occasionally do) say "not now ".

One day recently I said 'what's yummiest - chocolate (her favourite!) or mimi? (what she calls breast milk)" and used an excited tone of voice for chocolate. She said mimi, no hesitation. I never offer the breast - its always her choice. I have said "some times when we get older, there's not much mimi left, and we just don't bother with it". And she says "hmmm. I still want it!". It is ALL her decision. I just want to share my experience because I know some people say it's weird because it's all about the mother.

She is hardly ever ill - which may be an individual coincidence, but statistically it's likely to be related.

Far from being weird, breast feeding an older child is really funny! Today we drove through a forest, and she said I could hang my mimis on a tree, and then the rabbits could drink if they wanted to. We'd just seen some cows and were talking about milk.

The thing to realise, is your child is only ever one day older. So you might look ahead and think 'feeding a 3yo is weird' - but there is no one day from age 2+1 day, 2+ 2 days etc where your child is so different that it suddenly feels weird.

One day, it'll feel weird - or more likely, I'll be fed up with it. So I'll ask her to stop.

In the meantime... On the rare occasion she is ill, there is nothing like being able to let a 3yo have a bit of warm, soothing, easily digestible milk, which you know contains antibodies that may lessen her pain, whilst at the same time offering her more emotional comfort than only a cuddle would. When her throat is sore, and she's got a cough, ALL she wants is "mimi cuddles". (her words)

I can promise you, it doesn't feel at all weird when I feed in that situation!

I'm happy to answer any questions about breast feeding a child.

Until parent and child feel ready to stop I think. Although if child is 15 I would err on side of caution . Why do people care so much? Milk from a big sweaty grass stained cow or milk from a human? (Leave remarks about big sweaty grass stained cows at the door please ).

Oh, and as it is customary to defend your choices before you can post a BF/FF point of view. I FF.

Spuddybean, I get what you're saying about being uncomfortable with the idea of remembering it - but think it would be nice if people got over being squeamish!
I don't remember being breast fed, but I know that I was - mix fed actually.
There was a time when I was maybe 13 that the idea of it was "OMG - how gross?!". But do I care as an adult? No.
My daughter often comments at farms when she sees animals - or when she sees other mothers - saying "they're having their mimi like me". It's just normal to her. I don't doubt she'll have a squeamish phase as a teen - but think she's unlikely to really remember the act that much, and would be just as squeamish remembering the fact or the act.
Is it the idea of remembering suckling on a nipple that bothers you? I suspect more likely they'd remember the warmth and softness of a breast against their cheek, the closeness of mother's eyes, the sound of her heartbeat, the arm around them. Which is all lovely.
I just 'tested' myself - what do I think of (physically) when I think what I like about the feeling of breast feeding? The feel of her mouth on my nipple didn't occur! First, it's the feeling of softness of her palm above my breasts, not even on them. Then it's the particular intense eye contact she still sometimes makes. These are all lovely things to remember, which I hope would make no-one unc

Plague group - re comfort bf and obesity... Are people wrongly assuming it's teaching them to eat when they need comfort, do you think?

Way before my daughter reached 3.4 I can tell you that a comfort feed did not really involve much milk. She was / is able to suckle either v slowly, or basically ineffectively. If she only wants comfort, she just doesn't latch properly. She's been known to just pop on her mouth and not actually feed at all - that's quite common at bedtime, actually.

A BF baby is very much in control of the amount of milk they choose to have.

Lovely post Cabrinha! Your daughter is the same age as my DS. Probably a good idea to avoid much of this thread. I spent much of the early thread trying to give calm sensible posts, before finally one comment really got to me! It's interesting about what you about how confident your DD is. I think there's a perception that an ebf child must be a neurotic, whiney, clingy child. When in my experience it's the complete opposite. DS is very independent - "I do it" is his favourite phrase if anyone tries to help him with anything! I am a SAHM so he has not been away from me much, but recently settled straight into nursery, telling me to "go home" and not even come in the door after just a couple of weeks.

Spuddybean I hope you will ignore your mum and feed for as long as you and your baby are happy with! There are many benefits from feeding beyond 6 months. All three of my DC are healthy, but the least healthy (has had occasional chest infections) is the one i fed for just under a year. The two that I fed for over a year have never needed to see a doctor!

Thanks moajab!

I really wanted to say that about her independence - because it so often comes up as you say, with people thinking longer breast feeding makes them clingy. Or also about the mother 'keeping them a baby'.

She's my big girl! I LOVE all the new grown up stuff she does. She's not totally independent - she's 3! But she's at least as independent as her peers, and generally moreso.

I am sure 3 years ago I'd have said - 3? Sounds a bit weird! But it just isn't, when you have experienced it. On the rare occasion she asks in the day I've fed her in public too- no adverse reactions.

Spuddy, some babies are born with teeth, some get them late. Mine got theirs just before their first birthday, some don't get theirs until 18months. Not sure what teeth have to do with grossness.

CoteD, I was using this as a reference for HAMLET
www.med.lu.se/english/labmedlund/mig/research_groups/the_svanborg_group/the_hamlet_project

"HAMLET occurs naturally in human milk, and may contribute to the lowered cancer incidence in breast-feeding mothers and their children."

We do know that rates of cancers are lower in both mother and baby when they have breastfed, and I'm sure that most of us will agree that regardless of when our personal limits are with regards to ceasing breastfeeding that people getting cancer is FAR grosser than breastfeeding. After seeing too many friends loose their battle frankly I would be ok with them breastfeeding as adults if I could have them back and healthy.

It's just occurred to me (I'm slow, I know!) that a lot of people have said they believe it is all about the adult, when a child is fed for longer than usual.

I just want to counter that by saying that it is definitely all about the adult when a child is bottlefed. Or when breastfeeding is stopped before a child really wants to stop.

So how does that work then? I think it always has to be the adult's decision because it's their body and their breasts and in the end, we might get fed up with doing it, or not have time, have to go to work etc etc and so it is up to us.

But how on earth does that equate to a bad thing, that we choose to breastfeed for longer, when others choose to stop very quickly, or not do it at all?
That's surely 'all about the adult' - unless by saying people breastfeed beyond what the child needs, some people are implying the adult may have ulterior motives for doing so, most likely I suppose some kind of sexual motive? Which to my mind is a bizarre and horrible concept.

There's nothing sexually exciting about breastfeeding - quite the opposite in my experience.
and maybe these people are also implying that to stop breastfeeding before a child becomes aware of what breasts are all about socially at least, they are protecting the child from an intrusion on its innocence.

That's a really disturbing thought but from some of the comments I have had in the past, I can quite easily believe that people think this way.

Not always about an adult when a baby is bottle fed, can I just point out? Or not really that relevant to this particular discussion?

fligthy your comment "
I just want to counter that by saying that it is definitely all about the adult when a child is bottlefed."

there are lots of reasons why some women cant breastfeed,could be medical, meds or any other reason....

just because you can doesnt make you any superior to anyone else....what a disgusting comment to make...no wonder some women get pnd with an attitude in society like that...

and i agree with women who want to continue with ebf beyond the age of 4 - 5 it is about them...as you can see from most of the posts on here from ebf's they cant do it in public because their child even realises it is not the done thing....it is about control and keeping your child to become reliant on their mother

doormat did someone really say something so stupid?
they obviously live in a bubble and have never had a baby that can't suck and might die

yes 2shoes...look at flightys comment 2 below mine....i copied it..as you know i could not bf ds5 as he could not suck and was fed by ngt in intensive care....i offered to express but consultant told me it wouldnt make a difference as he wouldnt last the weekend...he survived till he was 11yrs by peg feeding from 7 months old....

not bad hey considering he didnt have any breat milk...comments like that make me sick

This is one of those strange ones. I think much beyond 18 months is "weird" but not in a negative way, just "weird" in the sense of unusual and one would give it a second look. I guess breast milk continues to be healthy, although not necessary, and less and less a major source of nutrition for a child who is eating normally.

Both of ours lost interest between 9 and 10 months and my wife stopped when they seemed to find BF more a source of amusement than a serious drink. The intention had been to carry on to 12 months. I do think it is odd when mothers encourage their babies to continue bfing through this stage.

Having said all the above, this really is a minority issue. The main issue in terms of community health is women not interested in bfing at all or giving up at a few weeks old. Clearly whether any woman as an individual chooses to bf is a personal decision and no one can gainsay it but one does have to ask why so few choose to bf and why so many seem to struggle to continue to do so. That is a reasonable issue to discuss.

Doormat PLEASE read my posts above on same page (12).

I find it offensive when you say feeding a child is about control and keeping them reliant.

Please read my experience with my 3.4yo, who is totally on control, choosing for herself when to feed, and who doesn't even see me every day, so hardly being forced to be reliant.

cabrini i did say 4-5 yol and beyond....this is not when it is extended bf but imo extreme bf

This is one of those strange ones. I think much beyond 18 months is "weird" but not in a negative way, just "weird" in the sense of unusual and one would give it a second look. I guess breast milk continues to be healthy, although not necessary, and less and less a major source of nutrition for a child who is eating normally.

I think iist a whener you want to stop thing, but I do dislike all teh woo around it trying to justify it as "better" and "more natural".

By 12 months its a very secondary source of nutrition compared to other food, by 18 months it marginal

Doormat - and the fact that large numbers of children through human history HAVE breastfed long into early childhood without any coercion or encouragement, that's not evidence that this is normal, instinctive child behaviour?

Do you have EVIDENCE that breastfeeding long into childhood is harmful?

I would suggest that in evolutionary terms breastfeeding well beyond infancy is normal human behaviour and it's only been curtailed in recent years in the West because of our obsession with the breast as a sexual object and our culturally weird fixation on small children being 'independent'. (ignoring the fact that mental health problems among children in the West are at unprecedentedly high levels at the moment).