At what age does breastfeeding become weird?

[TransatlanticCityGirl]

My MIL made a comment today about a mother who breastfed her child until she was 5 years old - as in, 'can you believe it???? that's just not right!'

Which got me wondering, where do most people draw the line in terms of how old is too "weird"?

Yes, I know you said 4 or 5. But my 3.4 yo seems set to be feeding at 4. I don't really see a big difference between 3.4 and 4, based on her friends that I know who are turning 4 - physical or emotional development.

So I have to challenge that for the sake of a birthday, her non overly reliant, non parental controlled choices will become something which by your description is quite horrible.

I know those who decide to breastfeed past around one get a lot of adverse comments, I've seen it with my own eyes, and it's wrong. But, on the same token, it's as wrong for someone who does breastfeed for an extended period to make similar comments to those who stop earlier, and those who have bottle fed.

People in the latter categories may be reading this out of interest and this type of attitude is not encouraging.

Larrygrylls - in my experience, those who breast feed older children NEVER talk about nutrition! It only seems to be brought up by those who haven't fed longer!

I have seen the amount of milk I produce decline. Now over time breast milk changes it's constituents (amazing stuff!) so though it is less in volume, I think it's fat that increases. But - there's still very little. If my 3yo is hungry, she opens the fridge... If she's thirsty, she reaches for cow's milk. If she is ill, tired, or upset - or even a bit bored! - or just playing around - she reaches for my breast and says "please can I have a mimi?"

Nutritional value, as an argument is neither here nor there!

shagmund...plz dont give me the human history bit...that is a tired old argument...fortunately we have moved on since then where we have better nutritional choices than cavemen meat on a spit

and cabrina as i said before in my last post..some posters of ebf have already stated their children know it is not the done thing....yet continue to do so in secret and from prying eyes...this imo is disturbing

Flighty I also take exception to your comment, the decision to stop was made by my body, I fed my baby for 6 weeks during which time she starved because ny PND ravaged body decided it didn't want to produce anymore milk, as much as I wanted ti and believe me I stuck my heels in for 6 weeks. You are obviously very superior and ignorant if how many women out there want to do it but can't!

cabrinha I loved reading your post

I would suggest that in evolutionary terms breastfeeding well beyond infancy is normal human behaviour and it's only been curtailed in recent years in the West because of our obsession with the breast as a sexual object and our culturally weird fixation on small children being 'independent'.

Or alternatively we just found a more convenient way of doing it?

I find this whole "natural" argument very selective, as those who "naturally" extended breastfeeding do not usually also choose to use "natural" medicines, contraceptives, tampons, no cars, no computers, traditional natural foodstuffs etc etc.

ignorant of

cabrinha I also really enjoyed reading your post

whatmeworry..yes i agree with the selectiveness....

I am really sorry. I didn't think it thropugh; yes, of course there are many, many instances where not breastfeeding is NOT all about the adult, that was indeed a thoroughly stupid thing to say.

What I intended to get across is that we all make choices about breast feeding or bottle feeding based on our own needs, desires and capabilities - both within and without our control - and to state that one choice (to breastfeed for longer) is any more about the adult than to bottle feed is unfair and inaccurate.

I am sorry for offending those of you I have offended and hope you know I didn't mean what you thought I meant and I don't consider myself or those who breastfeed superior in any way. You should see the state of my parenting in other respects.

Though Doormat I completely take exception to what you say about extended breastfeeding being all about control and keeping children as babies.

If I'm able to apologise then I really feel you should too, because that's just such an ignorant thing to say and very offensive. It doesn't bother me too much because it's just so wrong, so kind of washes over most of us I expect but still - you shouldn't say it.

' i agree with women who want to continue with ebf beyond the age of 4 - 5 it is about them...as you can see from most of the posts on here from ebf's they cant do it in public because their child even realises it is not the done thing....it is about control and keeping your child to become reliant on their mother'

That's just a crap and convoluted argument. It holds absolutely no water.

Just catching up on this thread and want to respond to a few points. First of all some people have said they would find it wierd that their child might remember being bf and find it a bit yuck. I was wondering how many actually would remember it. I was thinking back to my early years and realised for example that I can't remember a single meal time! All my memories from that time are of more unusual events - new sibling, new home, starting school, holidays etc. The more everyday things have been forgotten. Bf is such an everyday thing to my DS that I will be surprised if he does remember it.
With regard to whether bottle feeding is more about the mother than bf, I think sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. Some posters have already shown how sometimes the decision can be taken out of their hands. But if the feeding is going well, but the mother decides to stop at a certain point then perhaps it is more about the mother. However I don't intend that as any criticism. I have always said that bf should only continue if both mother and child are happy with it.
I don't think many mother choose to bf just because it's natural. it is more because nature has designed a product that is, in our opinion, superior to the alternatives. I generally do consider natural products, but don't always choose them. I am aware that modern life has made many things much more convenient and better for us! I see no problem at all with the selectiveness.

With DS I made the decision to stop BF at 1 yr and it was bloody hard work and distressing for us both. It was mainly due to pressure from DH. In hindsight he wasn't ready.
DD1 stopped naturally at 13 months (much to DHs delight) and although I missed it she was happy.
DD2 is currently 4 months and as she's my last I will bf for as long as possible (weird or not and DH gets no say).
As they get older they don't need it as much, as they eat and drink other things too but I don't think it's weird to have an occasional private feed. I think I'd have to draw the line if they were coming up for conversation in between slurps though (that to me would seem strange) :)

Oh and also...I suppose it's not considered a valid comparison, because in the place where we live, it would be very very unusual to have a child who needed to be breastfed longer term for medical reasons, though all over the third world this is totally the case, purely because the alternative is often dicing with death.

And it is sometimes necessary for a child to NOT be breastfed for medical reasons, or because they are not able to, or not getting enough sustenance for whatever reason.

Of course I understand that this is about the child.
My point was only based on the choice - made without exceptional circumstances - to either bottle feed or breastfeed. I hope that is clear.

I only intended it to mean when the parent is making a conscious and unmitigated decision to do one or the other.

mumnosbest It's not that strange, but can be very funny! I often bf my DS while reading to the other two and he does sometimes come off to comment and sometimes we have to make sure not to catch his eye as he will get the giggles! The older two find it hilarious. But if he does this too often during the feed I assume he's not that interested in the feed and take him off.
I take your point about outside pressure. Sometimes how we feed isn't about mum or baby, but about pressure from society to conform to the norm. I hope that's something that will change. And if there's one thing people should take from this thread it is that there is no one right way and we should support and respect each others choices.

flighty as parents we are always making conscious decisions regarding our children everyday to enable them to grow into independant little human beings...as i have posted earlier without medical reasons i would find it weird to find a child of 5 in a nappy, using a bottle, being pushed around in a pram....breastfeeding is no different imo...for all these children who want to continue at 4 yo and beyond..do you always give into what your child wants..

and as for your comment that i should apologise because you have...sorry but no...i have my opinion and i can state it....just as vehemently as you have stated your case

joyful if i seem to be rude, i can guarrantee i am not..i am and always have been straight talking...just because i dont beat round the bush doesnt make me rude or ignorant.....

as for the third world argument, fortunately we dont live in the third world and we have choices...this argument doesnt hold any water on this subject

being completly honest before i had my second, i thought bf past 18 months or so was a bit icky and not child led, this is because i had a son who lost interest at around one. Then i got my daughter who has a will of iron and who seems to really need it. She still feeds once a week or so now at almost 3 and a half. How can anything that enables her to be so independent and cope with growing up so fast be wrong.

witch - how is it enabling her to be indpendent?

I am fine with people breastfeeding their children as long as they want to, and do not find it "weird" or "extreme".

I am also fine with people not breastfeeding their children at all, as I think formula is quite a marvelous thing.

Yes, I agree the breast is seen too much as a sexual object and there is a lot of pressure not to bf beyond say the age of two, but there is also the fact most women, given complete choice, would probably not want to bf that long anyway. Because, you know, we might like to move on and do other things, like work, like have your breasts to yourself. I think there as many are valid reasons for not bf at all, or beyond a few months, as there are for breastfeeding at all or for "extended" periods.

I do find it sad how het up and offended people get about a woman feeding her child though.

flighty and joy and others who vehemently defend your stance....how old are your children who are still bf?

I haven't had time to read full thread so apologies if this point has already been made.

I am breastfeeding dd2 (3.6) at bedtime and on waking. I fed dd1 for 12 months and she simply self weaned. I assumed dd2 would do the same when she was ready. She is obviously not ready yet!

My point is that dd2 didn't become a large pre-schooler over night and bf suddenly changed to something different. She is still my same beautiful girl I fed the second she was born. It it a slow transition from breastfed tiny baby to toddler to child. It doesn't suddenly become weird because time has passed.

Maybe it seems weird to others but to the mother and child it is just a normal interaction like cuddles, kisses etc and second nature to us.

Hi flightty thanks for coming on and clarifying that really appreciate it.

Nancy

because being independent is a bit scary for a child. It enables her to feel secure deep down that the bond we have is still there, it enables her to try new things and know that she does not have to leave behind that closeness that peope associate with babies and not small children. - she is learning to get that security from just cuddles but she is not ready to stop yet and why should she

Agree also flightty regarding some of the comments now being made - you have apologised and some of the comments being made are just as potentially "offensive" to you and thats a real shame.