To ask the staff at DD's nursery to use different language?

[CalamityLame]

DD is 2.5 ad goes to nursery 4 days a week. DH does all the drop offs and pick ups, so I have very little contact with the nursery staff at all.

Last night DD lay one of her dollies on the floor, stood over her and shouted 'Dolly, you have done a manky poo. I am very cross. You sit by yourself.'

We never say anything like that and actually try to praise whenever DD does a poo, because she has a tendency to hold them in for a couple of days. She is potty trained.

This must have come from nursery, and I'm really unhappy with (a) the use of the word 'manky' and (b) the fact that a child - could have been DD or another child - has apparently been told off for doing a poo.

I want to complain about it to the owner (is one of three nurseries run by one woman) but DH thinks I'm being precious and overreacting.

What do you think?

'manky' isn't a word then?

What's wrong with the word 'manky' ?

That's the sort of remark made by my mindees frequently and not by me the cm.

Before u start complaining consider that has come from another child.

I thought you wanted the staff to speak to her in Spanish, then.

Ooh I wouldn't be happy with that at all. It is very easy for small children to get a complex about doing poos - my own DS is prone to withholding and behaviour like that would really upset him.

However - you don't know for absolute certain that it is nursery staff she has got it from, it could be another child?
I would definitely speak to the staff, but perhaps phrase it in a concerned rather than accusatory way.

Complain about what? There's nothing wrong with 'manky' and you don't even know where she's got it from.

How do you know she got it from the staff? IME of working in nurseries, children pick up these things from each other.

It's just not a word that I'd want her using, to be honest, and using it in reference to a normal bodily function seems wrong to me.

I'm sure it could have been another child, I didn't actually think of that. It was just the way that DD was mimicking being told off. She often does it to her dolls after we've told her off for somethig, I think as a way of processing. For example, if she's been told off for hitting one of us, half an hour later she is likely to be found tellig her dolls off for te same thing. That's what leads me to think that a child has been told off for doing a poo, and I find that sort of worrying.

To be honest, if you take it to the nursery staff, you have no proof. Another child may have did or said this, and your dd has picked it up and copied it.
She could have heard something like this outside of nursery, at the park, a realtives house, even tv for example.

She was playing with her dolls, you can't know it was a re-enactment of an actual situation she'd been in.

re the being cross - It may not have come from nursery. Kids are weird

Has she not heard the word manky anywhere else? She may have picked that up from nursery - probably from another child - but is it really likely that babies are being shouted at? Or is it more likely that she knows the word manky and she's come up with this herself?

There are several options, including complaining, asking them if this has happened (they'll say no) or saying "oh aren't kids odd. X has been standing over her dolly and shouting at it for doing a 'manky poo'. Makes you wonder where they pick this stuff up from, doesn't it?"

But, tbh, in the absence of any other evidence or any other concerns about the nursery, I would honestly be inclined to think that it was a young child playing. They can be very imaginative indeed.

If this is something the nursery staff say then I would be very angry. Those of you who think it's ok. Why? Standing over a child and berating them for doing a poo. Making them sit on their own because they've had a manky poo. Although the word manky isn't particularly offensive saying a child has had a 'manky poo' gives negative connotations. Poo isn't manky ffs.

Totally see the point about it being another child, maybe will get DH to bring it up in a more casual way.

Thanks Alibaba, I think if DD had a more normal attitude to doing poos, I'd probably think the comment was funny!

If you hand over the care of your child to other people, you have to accept your child will be exposed to various activities, sayings ect, that you may not have exposed her to. (Some positive, some you may consider negative)

If you are not happy with what your child is exposed to, then yes, talk to her carers.

Dd2 used to come home from nursery and say 'thank you m'darling' whenever she was given anything. I didn't mind that but I did find it intriguing as she was so clearly repeating somebody else. So I asked nursery and found that it was a little boy who she was friends with who said it. He had quite a 'blokey' sort of dad who I suspect was waited on hand and foot by little lad's mum - but evidently he was suitably grateful all the time

I would just monitor the situation tbh. Nothing wrong with describing something as manky. It's very unlikely a child has been told off for doing a poo. If other things start to come out then raise it.

Like I said, it's common for DD to re-enact being told off by telling off her toys. That's fine, I have no problem with her doing that, or with her bring told off if she's done something wrong.

It just worries me that she has somehow come up with that specific phrase. 'manky' isn't a wot which we use, and it's not used in my parents' house, which is where she spend the other day that I work. It's not a deliberate thing, it's just not a word that we use. In fact, I don't think I've heard it since I was at school!

I just try to be careful about what apt of language I use around her, I think it's important. Maybe I'm being PFB.

My DD started telling her toys off for doing a wee (well her cups in the bath) they have little holes in them and she would stand there saying:

"Have you wet yourself again..I am very cross" while wagging her finger in a firm but non shouty voice.

I knew she could have only got it from nursery, but thought it was odd as it didn't sound like something the staff would say to the kids.

I asked her key worker - not accusingly just "DD has been saying this, any idea where it has come from?"

It turned out that the nursery nurses had been asked, by a parent, to say it to their potty trained daughter who had taken to wetting herself as an act of defiance - her equivalent of a tantrum.

The nursery worker wasn't best pleased about having to tell said child off in this way, but felt they had to do what the parents requested as they recognised the need for consistency with this particular problem and couldn't undermine what the parents were doing at home.

I guess my point is it is possible she has picked it up from an adult at nursery, but context is key!

northern apparently my colleague's little boy has taken to calling his stepdad 'Dave darlin' and 'Dave luv' after being at nursery

Oh and also it could just be being used in a jokey way - I often say to the DD's "That is a stinky poo" or "Poo eee" or something in a sing songy childish voice - kinda like a gentle teasing, making pooing fun / funny especially when potty training.

Manky could easily be used in that kind of context.

Just because it's not a 'word you use' doesn't mean you have the right to tell them.... Or anyone...not to use it!

Poo isn't manky ffs.

I beg to differ...

YABU because you have no idea where this came from. It doesn't seem very likely that nursery staff would tell off a child for doing a poo far more likely that your dd is playing 'grown up' and just brought up doing a poo because toddlers are into poo.
The word manky isn't offensive. It might not be a word you use but you would be U and precious to ask nursery staff not to use it.

DS has started saying 'dir'y' instead of dirty (with a glottal stop) he has definitely picked this up from nursery but it would be absurd of me to ask staff to speak with rp!

I also thought you were hoping to request the nursery staff speak in Spanish.

Anyway, YABU. "manky poo" is disney considering what she'll come out with once she starts school