To ask the staff at DD's nursery to use different language?

[CalamityLame]

DD is 2.5 ad goes to nursery 4 days a week. DH does all the drop offs and pick ups, so I have very little contact with the nursery staff at all.

Last night DD lay one of her dollies on the floor, stood over her and shouted 'Dolly, you have done a manky poo. I am very cross. You sit by yourself.'

We never say anything like that and actually try to praise whenever DD does a poo, because she has a tendency to hold them in for a couple of days. She is potty trained.

This must have come from nursery, and I'm really unhappy with (a) the use of the word 'manky' and (b) the fact that a child - could have been DD or another child - has apparently been told off for doing a poo.

I want to complain about it to the owner (is one of three nurseries run by one woman) but DH thinks I'm being precious and overreacting.

What do you think?

Kids picking up words/phrases from nurseries/CMs/other kids is inevitable.

I know from DD far more than is strictly necessary about the potty training progress of one of the CM's other mindees.

Actually, I wouldn"5 like this either. And I would ask questions. She has heard someone being told off for doing a poo, and I would want to know where it comes from.

And I wouldn't Lille one of mine ton have used the word "manky" t this age either.

So I am with you OP! I would ask some gentle leading questions at the nursery.
I am speaking as the mother of a child who at about this age said loudly and clearly in front of her grandparents "fuck me, I'm knackered"- having spent the previous weekend with her childless uncles!

Olympia I agree and would never presume to ask anyone not to use a perfectly normal word. Was just saying that I didn't know where else she could have heard it.

However, I think I do have a right to ask the people whom I pay to look after my child not to refer to her poo as manky. I don't think that's on.

BUT you're all right, I have no idea whether or not they did actually say that, so I'll get DH to make reference to it in a 'DD said this funny thing, has she been saying it here' kind of way.

YANBU I have worked in many nurseries and this kind of language is normal for a lot of the staff who didn't even get GCSE's and see nursery work as an easy option, I know it's controversial to say but if you pay pea nuts you get monkeys and nursery staff earn peanuts.

There's an awful lot of assumptions going on in your OP!

You have no proof who taught your child the word manky or who she is copying- if she's copying anyone at all. So no, don't go steaming in there accusing staff of setting your child a bad example

Yes she could have heard staff use the word manky- or it could have been another child. Just because she told her dolly off for doing a "manky poo" (Love that, btw!) again, it doesn't mean a member of staff has told any child off for the same thing! that you would automatically jump to that conclusion tbh.

My DD used to LOVE punishing her dolls for all sorts of silly things and she was much harsher than I've ever been and I'm no softy. If everyone jumped to the same conclusions as you OP I'd have had SS knocking on my door a fair few times! DD likes to tie her dolls up when they don't do as they are told yet I've never done that and I'm sure no nursery staff have either....

And yes, poo is manky. I can attest to this right this second as DS has sloped to off to his favourite corner to do his. and it most definatley smells manky.

Why are you associating someone saying "What a manky poo" with being told off for doing a poo ? . Whenever I've changed any of my childrens nappies, I've chatted to them throughout. If it was a bit of a ponger, I'd have said so, but in no way would it have been interpretted as them being "told off", it's just a running commentary on life, as you tend to do when spending time with babies and young children.

You would definitely come across as pfb if you wrote to the manager about this.

"It's just not a word that I'd want her using, to be honest,"

You cannot possibly expect to control all the words your dd hears or starts using. Or expect the nursery staff to uise a pre-approved list of vocabulary that you do want your dd to use.

IF you have noticed your dd being more anxious about doing a poo, then speak to the nursery and tell them what has happened and say it would be helpful if they were careful not to make negative comments about poo. However, it may be that your dd has heard the word 'manky' in another context, maybe at nursery, it's very common word, and because she herself has a fear of going to the toilet or feels perhaps that poo is dirty and will make you cross, she has been playing out this scenario and incoorporating the word manky.

It's all a stage. Unless the holding in problem is very bad, I would just forget it. Anyway, she will hear negative stuff about poo all the time. 3 and 4 year olds, adults on the bus, even children's cartoons with 'ewww, stinky' refs. Maybe relax over the whole thing and be matter of fact - yeah, it's stinky, it doesn't matter, yeah it can be icky, thta's why we have wipes. Don't make such a big deal about the praise - why should you or she be delighted at poo, any more than you / she should be disgusted?

I know pop is manky but if (hypothetical) a nursery worker was standing over a small child and saying what OP's DD repeated then that is humiliation. There is nothing wrong with the word manky but it is wrong if used in this context.

YANBU I have worked in many nurseries and this kind of language is normal for a lot of the staff who didn't even get GCSE's and see nursery work as an easy option, I know it's controversial to say but if you pay pea nuts you get monkeys and nursery staff earn peanuts.

How charming are you?!

I've got a degree in English and use that kind of language

YANBU, i think. the nursery needs to be aware of it, not because it's necessarily a teacher, but if the kids are acting out scolding for poos, it's not good if any of them are having problems with withholding etc.

obv don't be so daft as to sound accusing, that gets you nowhere, but a good head will want to mention something like that at the staff meeting.

i use manky, btw, there's nothing wrong with it as a word, but it's definitely odd for a child to come up with it out of the blue.

Christ Blapbird - what an ignorant snobby thing to say. Horrible.

OP - YABU. It really wouldn't be up there for me with things to worry and stress over tbh.

Am I detecting just a slight touch of language snobbery here? Or it just the fact she may have been told off?

Perfectly good work, manky.

Use of the word manky is a non issue.

Nursery staff possibly telling off children for poo-ing would be a cause for concern (if true).

Thread is a total red herring and I'm very that you're more concerned about your DD picking up a slightly common turn of phrase than you would be about possible mistreatment by nursery staff.

The manky word is a side issue. The telling off for doing a poo isn't.

Anyway, the more words a child learns the better, surely? Even if it is old slang.

YANBU some people are WEIRD. THe lady who manages our local charity shop for some reason kept asking my DD then aged about 4 "Does Daddy like dirty beer?"

I was like..."Beer isn't dirty is it DD?" because it was such a bizzare thing to say!

Another time I was in a public toilet and could hear a woman saying to her little DS "Do you want to dirt?"

As though DIRT was a DOING word! (whatever those are called really)

Imagine! "Oooh...I'm just popping off to dirt"

Telling off for doing a poo (however fragrant) would indeed be a issue.

But a 2.5 year old playing that with a doll, especially a 2.5 year old who has shown signs of being reluctant about poo, does not necessarily suggest that she or any other child has been told off.

If I assumed that all DS's play chat at that age was mimicking real life, we would have had the police as lodgers.

But I can see why you would be alert to her having said this because of the problems she has had.

Well said crashdoll.

Count yourself lucky you don't have some Scottish child minder who person calls out did you do a wee jobbie across the room.

if you want a decent level of language get a Norlander otherwise you pays you money and you gets Hobson's choice.

Manky comes from the latin word mancus, meaning maimed or imperfect. Your child is learning latin.

One of my mindees was sick today and went home saying she was naughty for being sick in the car, which I would never say! Sometimes they pick up things from other children/adults but looked like i'd told her off!

And there was I thinking it came from mancunian.

blapbird do you enter the real world much? Or are you just naturally charming?