To ask the staff at DD's nursery to use different language?

[CalamityLame]

DD is 2.5 ad goes to nursery 4 days a week. DH does all the drop offs and pick ups, so I have very little contact with the nursery staff at all.

Last night DD lay one of her dollies on the floor, stood over her and shouted 'Dolly, you have done a manky poo. I am very cross. You sit by yourself.'

We never say anything like that and actually try to praise whenever DD does a poo, because she has a tendency to hold them in for a couple of days. She is potty trained.

This must have come from nursery, and I'm really unhappy with (a) the use of the word 'manky' and (b) the fact that a child - could have been DD or another child - has apparently been told off for doing a poo.

I want to complain about it to the owner (is one of three nurseries run by one woman) but DH thinks I'm being precious and overreacting.

What do you think?

Forget the manky thing. Address the being told off for doing a poo thing. That's important

Are you planning on providing them with a list of words they can and can't use?

Children use their imaginations and come up with all sorts of weird conversations which aren't based on anything other than words they know!

A child may well assume off thier own bat that being sick in a car was 'naughty' because it makes a mess. Young children have inly a very broad brush stroke understanding of naughty / not naughty / one of thise things/ it's a mess, yes, bt certainly not your fault.

I saw a documentary about child development which looked at the age at which they could see shades of grey between naughty and not naughty - e.g an accident, if it has results of breakage or mess is perceived as naughty until quite late in their growing up. Hence she may have been telling to doll off for mess with or wihout any adult role model for that specific situation.

But I wouldn't be surprised if the nursery staff say 'ooh, what a stinky bottom' or 'ooh, no, that one went everywhere, didn't it?' etc, and that is fairly normal behaviour, really.

How do you know it has come from the staff more likey to come from another child

My son refers to everything as random shall I assume it has come from his teachers

I think you have very little proof it has come from the staff. Nd I am quite surprised that your first thought is that the staff are talking like this to the children to I detect a deeper issue of not being happy with the staff

TheHouseOnTheCorner Until I moved "up North" I had never heard the phrase "Mucky Beer" which children and adults seem to use a lot around here! I was a bit at first, but now I just

It's interesting that people generally pile in to defend nursery staff. I wondernwhy that is!

I defy anyone not to be a bit concerned if their 2 year old started acting out being told off for having a dirty nappy.

Its not about defending the nursery staff its about being realistic about how the minds of toddlers work!

I often say to my DS "have you done a stinky poo?" but I'm not telling him off ffs!

It might be:

• an evil nursery worker
• a 2.5 old experimenting being aggressive, as sometimes they do

I agree with Blu. Ime (as I volunteer in a nursery), sometimes nursery worker asks (in a friendly way in my case) Who has done a smelly poo? Children usually laugh and all want to go to change their nappies

But do you say "I am very cross. You sit by yourself."

Which, if you read the original post , is what CalamityLame's dd is saying to her dolls.

I'd be more concerned about the "I'm cross about it" and "don't want to sit by you" than the "manky". By all means speak to the staff but I wouldln't acuse them of anything

I wouldn't automatically assume that the two were heard together in real life though. DS is only slightly older than the OP's DD and he often puts things together that have been heard in different contexts. It's part of their development. It may be that the OP's DD did get a row for it, but it's not a cert. Going into nursery and shouting the odds about it when there is more likely to be another explanation is just daft.

But is there anything to suggest that he has heard those things being said in that context or by nursery workers though?

Nobody is suggesting shouting the odds. But suggesting that is should be ignored is also daft.

A lot of people are saying that it is unlikely that children are being told off for accidentally pooing themselves, whereas I think, based on what the child is saying that it is the most likely explanation.

Nursery staff seem to be sacrosanct, in a way that teachers are certainly not. Odd.

Could you not just ask her? I know she's only two but she sounds quite verbal. Ask her who she has heard say manky poo? If someone does one in nursery do they get told off? Is it a game she plays with her friends. It depends on th child but I am sure my DD could have told me enough to get an idea what was happening.

It's not that nursery staff are immune for criticism. It's just that toddlers are the most unreliable witnesses ever!

This thread has reminded me that when I was about 5, I was playing with my dollies screaming "noooo, mummy don't hit me!". No one ever hit me as a child.

Absolutely they re unreliable witnesses. Although I would actually say that a 5 year old mis a much more unreliable witness than a 2 year old.

But if my 2 year old acted out soothing like this, and I was sure that none of her other caters had said it, I would want to ask questions at nursery. Wouldn't everyone? Or am I in an alternative universe?

I never said I wouldn't ask questions, but the OP was very accusing of the nursery when there are other explanations, is all.

Oooh I missed the "I am very cross, you sit by your self" bit (slightly drunk here)

Mmmm,yes, it needs investigating.

No, nursery workers aren't sacrosanct, but similarly, 2.5 yrs old playing with their dolls aren't exactly the Truth.

I'd def ask the staff.

I'd be careful here too.

When I was 4ish DSis had cancer and we had loads of medical gear in the house. We almost never played hospital or 'being sick'.

We did however play 'prisoner of war' and torture our Barbies (yes, really) into 'confessing things' . God knows where we got that from. One of my sisters also invented a character called - I cannot believe I am actually typing this - the Penis-Taker who took women's willies away, which was why they didn't have any.

Anyone listening to us would've rung SS within about 5 minutes. We were not abused or anything like it. Yes, ask Qs but children have vivid imaginations and not everything they do is a direct or even indirect reflection of what actually happens to them.

My 19 month dd has been saying 'oh shit' for over a month now. Should I also complain to her nursery?

i have worked it a nursey and have done a few child related courses. in my time i have noticed that children pay attention to words that are high pitched.

so if a child picked thire nose in tesco and the adult said "oh billy joe thats manky" a child is moe likly to pick it up.