She doesn't want to see her friends so when I go out with mine she gets arsey

[Zealey]

It's not just me, it seems to be exclusively most of the males I know. We have a DS who is nearly two, and we share the care equally. So when a friend calls me up to go out to the pub I don't see why there should be a problem. She is just as free as me to go out another night with HER friends, but she most times doesn't. Even when she concedes that we do actually split the childcare and housework equally and doesn't bitch about me going out to see friends I've known since school, she'll still keep texting and calling to check where I am what I'm doing, how much I'm drinking, etc.
What's most important for y'all to understand is that we have a good relationship, she has no reason to question my fidelity, nor me hers, also I'm not an alcoholic or shirking my fatherly responsibilities, and most importantly we spend a lot of time together doing couple things. But she just seems to resent the fact that I had friends before I met HER.
Is it my fault that she doesn't want to spend time alone with her mates when I DO wan't to spend time alone with mine? Just because I got married doesn't mean my friends have to immediately love her too (even though they DO like her). Broadening it out, most of my male friends moan about the same thing. It's fine for her to go out, but if we try it it's like having a ffking GPS tracker stuck to our arse despite never ever giving cause to make our partners feel this way.
Is this just a female malfunction?

Definitely not a default female malfunction (although I did and that lovely choice phrase).

I like it when my dh goes out. In fact he's out all night tomorrow night and I can't wait. Sofa, telly, starfishing in bed. What's not to like?

Here have a

Maybe I'm in the wrong place to get female insight into this condition then?

She doesn't trust you. I think that's probably the bottom line. It may not be trust in a fidelity sense, it may be trust in a "having a bitch about her to your mates behind her back" sense. And reading your OP, she has a point, doesn't she? I think she needs some reassurance - talk to her.

And no, it's not a female malfunction. My DH works away all week every week - we don't have similar issues.

You need to get her hooked on mumsnet so that she'll want you go out all evening

Sometimes people can be insecure and clingy - that sounds like her.

If we're going to generalise (and look on the relationship threads for confirmation) men express this instead by being controlling.

Neither are helpful behaviours - talk to her, tell her you love her and try to reassure her - in the end though healthy relationships are about equal space and no jealousy or control issues.

It's friday, friday, do de do de friday! Laaaaaa

I don't think you need female insight I think you need to talk to her.

Perhaps she's a bit lonely?

she'll still keep texting and calling to check where I am what I'm doing, how much I'm drinking, etc

Why do some people not have the ability to let partners go out without expecting them to be readily accessible? If I were you I'd be tempted to turn my phone off.

Hmmmmm I love it when dh goes out - get to watch what I want on telly, eat ice cream n chill
Are you going out three times a week at kids bath/bed time or summat? Or spending all the housekeeping on beer?

Hmmmmm I love it when dh goes out - get to watch what I want on telly, eat ice cream n chill
Are you going out three times a week at kids bath/bed time or summat? Or spending all the housekeeping on beer?

JoyfulPuddleJumper has a point. DH is out with mates at least once a week and I like that but I wouldn't like it if he sprung it on me at the last minute.

I don't mind DH going out, I try and encourage it.

My DH is going out tomorrow night, I went out last weekend and the weekend before.

Neither of us have an issue with that.

Actually the key point in this, is how much do you drink? Do you lie in bed all day the following day, or do you get up with your son and do something as a family?

Depends on all sorts of things really.

How often do you get invited out? Do you get shit faced every time you go out? Do you act like an arse when you've had a drink?

Need more information.

Do you stay out all night, roll home around noon next day and fall into bed for the afternoon?
Do you stay out 'til say 3am, come in completely pissed, vomit/piss everywhere, wake her and the DC up?
Do you do this every weekend? (If answer to either of the above is yes.)

or What Joy said?

Exactly. I don't do the same with her. If a relationship isn't based on trust and equal power then wtf?

I don't mind DH going out. Intact he works away for 8 weeks so I have no choice but to like it.

But I would be a bit annoyed if at say 6pm he announces he's going to the pub. Maybe she just wants a bit of notice.

I hardly text DH when he's out. He usually texts me first when he is out.

In fact not intact! Blooming iPhone.

Do you regularly come back drunk or very late? I ask because the phrase, "I am not an alcoholic" was interesting. If you come back when you say you will, don't spend all night farting and burping whiskey at her and you step up the next day, she is BU. If you come home at 3am, wake the house up, drink shedloads and snore the next day away, YABU.

However, YABU anyway for Is this just a female malfunction. For that you are a twunt.