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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off at ex pestering for MAT B1 form for Paternity leave?

77 replies

Salt14 · 09/05/2012 22:40

AIBU to be really pissed off that ex is hassling me to get MAT B1 form from midwife when he is not contributing financially or care wise towards his child to be? He started requesting it when I was 9 weeks, am now 25 weeks, just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes today & told him I was worried about cost of parking at hospital on top of everything else & he texts chasing this!

I don't even see why he should get paid leave when he is not going to be spending it with me or his baby. He can't even be arsed to come to scans! Angry

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 09/05/2012 22:42

I don't think he would be even entitled to it if he's not bothering to even attend for antenatal care. Are you telling him when you go into labour?

Stellarforstar · 09/05/2012 22:43

Hmmmm. YANBU to be pissed off, but I don't think there's anything you can do about it :(.

Except not give him the form.

MsVestibule · 09/05/2012 22:43

The idea of paternity leave is to spend it with your baby. If he's not going to do this, don't give him the form. Just tell him it's not going to happen, no further discussion needed.

bogeyface · 09/05/2012 22:44

I want you to remember this phrase and repeat it to him as often as necessary.

"ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH?! {laugh derisively}, No I will not now, nor will I ever, give you my MAT B1 and by the way, FUCK OFF"

Sorted.

TheCrackFox · 09/05/2012 22:44

I wouldn't give it to him either.

SecretNutellaFix · 09/05/2012 22:45

he isn't entitled to it

bogeyface · 09/05/2012 22:46

Do you know his employers? Could you write to them and say that you are concerned that he is going to try to claim PL fraudulently and inform them that he will not be having anything to do with caring for the baby?

bogeyface · 09/05/2012 22:47

Secret the problem is that unless the OP tells the employer then he could claim that his leave will be for her and the baby. My now ex, then DH, claimed his leave without a matb1 as I didnt have one as I wasnt working. You dont actually need the mat b1, but it helps.

SecretNutellaFix · 09/05/2012 22:49

then the OP really does need, as you say bogeyface, to inform his employers in writing that he is not part of her life and that as they are no longer a couple and he will not be spending it looking after her/ the baby, he isn't entitled to it.

bogeyface · 09/05/2012 22:51

I wonder if he has read the bit about being the babys father and not read any further.

AnyFucker · 09/05/2012 22:53

tell him to fuck off

mamababa · 09/05/2012 23:03

He doesn't need a mat b1 to claim it. So tell him to do one. Or shred it then send him the pieces Grin

Morph2 · 09/05/2012 23:04

don't give him the MATB1 whatever you do you'll need that to be able to get your own maternity pay!!

mercibucket · 09/05/2012 23:05

what a cheeky sod!
definitely write to his employers and scupper his chances

Original poster
Salt14 · 09/05/2012 23:12

Bogey you have made my day, what an eloquent way of putting it, exactly the words I was looking for but somehow struggled to find (the shock at his behaviour me thinks). I do like your suggestion mamababa & very tempted by it looks for shredder
I don't think he's entitled to it either Secret, may well pop by his place of employment & let them know. Does sound like (by his incessant pestering) that they will not honour it without the MAT B1 tho, oh what a shame.

OP posts:
bogeyface · 09/05/2012 23:15

You're very welcome salt :o

He is only entitled to it if he is using it to care for you and the baby.

He can be the father of 100 babies and not be entitled to it, if he isnt caring for them.

I would just ignore him from now on and definitely tell his employers.

OhTheConfusion · 09/05/2012 23:15

It is YOUR MAT B1 for a reason, you need it! Tell him to go whistle!!

Original poster
Salt14 · 09/05/2012 23:40

No, hiddenface I am not telling him when I go into labour. He ran out of a blood test appointment early on in pregnancy as he had a panic attack. That was the decider. Just a damn shame I have to tell him about birth at all tbh

OP posts:
bogeyface · 09/05/2012 23:41

Can it not slip your mind Salt for...oh I dunno.....18 years or so? Wink

AnyFucker · 09/05/2012 23:47

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

what a fucking NancyBoy

pathetic

Kayano · 09/05/2012 23:52

Why is it funny or pathetic to have a panic attack?

Hmm aye it's fucking hilarious having that sort of anxiety Hmm
Surely he will have the right to meet his child?

bogeyface · 09/05/2012 23:55

Well it isnt if you are a decent person who is a total cunt in every other way. And yes, he has a right to see his child, but then the OP had the right to be treated properly by her DP and that didnt happen either did it?

What goes around, comes around.

He aint going to get much sympathy from anyone for trying to get PL by lying that he will be spending it helping to care for his baby, when actually he will be off having a nice holiday from work and the government will be paying him £100 a week to do it!

bogeyface · 09/05/2012 23:55

who isnt a total cunt

AnyFucker · 09/05/2012 23:57

give over, kayano, the man is a scrounging loser

he deserves to be laughed off the fucking planet, and I would be first in the queue to do it

Kayano · 10/05/2012 00:00

Is he scrounging if he works?

Has op asked him why he wants it? He might think he best make himself available should op ask him?

I can't tell from the op

He should look after the baby though!!!

Sorry but I will call anyone out who laughs at a panic attack. It's not on. Anxiety is horrible and I doubt he wanted to have it!

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