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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hacked off at ex pestering for MAT B1 form for Paternity leave?

77 replies

Salt14 · 09/05/2012 22:40

AIBU to be really pissed off that ex is hassling me to get MAT B1 form from midwife when he is not contributing financially or care wise towards his child to be? He started requesting it when I was 9 weeks, am now 25 weeks, just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes today & told him I was worried about cost of parking at hospital on top of everything else & he texts chasing this!

I don't even see why he should get paid leave when he is not going to be spending it with me or his baby. He can't even be arsed to come to scans! Angry

OP posts:
bogeyface · 10/05/2012 00:01

I had a panic attack out of nowhere, after years with lots of tests and no problems, when I was pg with #5. Now I have a huge phobia of drips and blood tests. And even I think he is a wanker, it wasnt him having the fucking test was it?!

bogeyface · 10/05/2012 00:02

Yes he is scrounging. The government pay the PL/ML payments via the employer and as this man will not be helping out the OP, either through his choice or hers, he isnt entitled to this leave or the pay that comes with it.

Are you happy that your tax pounds are paying this man to skive off work?

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 10/05/2012 00:02

Don't shred it, YOU need it.

Just tell him that you are not sending him the form because it is yours and you need it and that he can get his own from the midwife when he is pregnant himself.

And that if he is not going to be of any practical use to you or emotional support for you then you don't want to receive any more texts from him asking for you to help him con his employer out of two weeks paternity leave.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2012 00:04

are we reading the same thread kayano, or are you in the habit of always making excuses for rubbish men ?

AnyFucker · 10/05/2012 00:06

from what OP said he is hassling her for the MatB1 with the express intention of defrauding his employers (or is it the Governement ie. you and me) out of paternity pay

from what Op said he ducked out of a blood test she was having because he couldn't hack it

the man deserves the piss ripped out of him, and reporting to his employers, not anonymous women feeling sorry for him

NameChangeaGoGo · 10/05/2012 00:08

Clearly, YANBU.

Kayano · 10/05/2012 00:08

I'm not saying he is not a wanker bogey

I am saying that 'ahahahaha' an 'what a nancy boy' are NOT fucking acceptable things to say in relation to anxiety or panic attacks. You wouldn't say 'oh booo frickin hook' to someone who had bi-polar or PND would you?

I also said I couldn't tell from the op why he wants leave. He might think he will be around once the baby arrives but op is now saying no. Has she actually discussed his reasoning or thoughts on being denied access to his baby for over 2 weeks after birth. She said he did go to an appointment but had the attack..

Does he want to be a dad once it's here but can't stand medical things or had op said 'he had a panic attack how pathetic please get lost'

We don't have an awful lot of info here to go off

Kayano · 10/05/2012 00:10

He can have the piss ripped out of him for te fraud AF

Not for an anxiety attack.

It's not nice to ridicule someone for something to do with mental health be they a dickhead or not.

Kayano · 10/05/2012 00:12

I don't make excuses for rubbish men AF.

I am saying as someone who is a needle phobic panic attack suffering needs my mum to take my baby for her jabs that ridiculing ANYONE for a panic attack is wrong. Pretend it was me or a woman, it's wrong to ridicule for that reason

By all means take the piss for the fraud and wankers behaviour...

bogeyface · 10/05/2012 00:15

He was invited to the scan and didnt bother going, that doesnt indicate to me that this is a man who plans to take his parental responsibilities seriously.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2012 00:16

kayano...how do you know from the info given he is not simply a lily-livered nancy boy who cries at the sight of a drop of blood ? He certainly sounds weasely and manipulative enough.

Who said anything about MH problems ? If op comes back and confirms the latter, I will withdraw my piss take. If not, I am happy to let it stand.

I knew a dickhead who had nothing to do with taking/visiting his wife to/in hospital due to a serious illness because "hospitals freaked him out"

he was a dickhead and actually sneaking off to shag a teenage barmaid while his wife was recovering from surgery

so let's not make any assumptions either way, eh ?

and you swearing at me is far more offensive than me calling this man a NancyBoy, IMO

Kayano · 10/05/2012 00:17

But we don't know why he didn't go. Maybe he thought he might have another panic attack

Equally he could be a responsibility shirking dickhead.

I don't see where the op said why he didn't go.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2012 00:18

if Op comes back and indeed confirms that said man is a needle-phobic panic attack-sufferer (and diagnosed as such by a MH professional) then I shall withdraw my pisstake

until then...

bogeyface · 10/05/2012 00:19

As shall I.

Kayano · 10/05/2012 00:20

That's my whole point AF we don't know.

The only thing we do know is he had a panic attack. Those can't be helped. A panic attack is different from 'oh dear there is blood I am off'.

Again I am not defending him if he is a dickhea but if it's a genuine panic attack as the op said the ridicule should be withdrawn regardless of mh diagnosis

AnyFucker · 10/05/2012 00:22

yes, we don't know

you jumped straight into defensive mode, kayano and projected your own experiences onto him

I jumped straight into "he is a dickhead" stance

perhaps the answer lies somewhere in the middle ?

bogeyface · 10/05/2012 00:23

A genuine panic attack is terrifying. I have had them, I do understand that. But I have also seen people having "panic attacks". They dont have breathing problems, they dont think they are having a stroke or a heart attack, they dont have a physical manifestation of a psychological issue.

They say "OMG, I cant this, I am having a panic attaaaaaaaccckkk!" and run out. Word to the wise,....anyone who says they are having a panic attack ISNT having one. And I rather suspect that the OP's ex is in that group.

Kayano · 10/05/2012 00:33

Because I can only go by what the op said

And she said panic attack
Not 'pretendy panic attack'

If she comes back and says it was fake fair do but she should have made it cleared.

Of course people get defensive when people ridicule a condition you suffer from. As I said I have only gone by what the op said

I don't see what is so wrong with me saying people should not ridicule anxiety or panic attacks? Take this whole situation out and just leave it that your reaction to the word panic attack was ahahahahaha and what a nancy boy

Of course that's wrong. I'm not standing up for him really, just the condition. Your words of course got my back up

mangomadness · 10/05/2012 07:51

I once made my cheating ex go to the gu clinic with me to get tests done, all he had was the swab before he 'fainted' as I was lying there having my cervix savagely attacked. He didn't faint, he just didn't want to have the tests, tosser.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 10/05/2012 08:04

I think Kayano makes a good point. It's not nice to take the piss out out people having panic attacks.

Bogey, I don't think you can say that anyone who says they are having a panic attack isn't having one. I've had enough to know what it feels like and to be able to accurately say that when I start feeling chest pains coming on and I'm hyperventilating that I'm having a panic attack. Knowing what it is doesn't stop it happening.

sashh · 10/05/2012 08:20

Fax to employer - so anyone can see it.

Dear Sirs,

X is not supporting me financially or in any other way. He will not care for me or the baby after birth so please don't let him con you into paying him maternity leave.

Love Salt

Or..................

Don't give him the form, let him take his false leave and make your first outing with baby to his place of work. Tell them you thought he would like to see his dc.

If you are not up to it, send a friend in with a photo of a baby, any new born baby, looking for ex and explaining that you thought he might like a picture of DC as he has not met him/her yet.

If you like I can do that for you.

mayorquimby · 10/05/2012 08:27

Is "nancy boy" only a homophobic term where I come from then?

DartsAgain · 10/05/2012 08:30

sassh I rather like your ideas. If this chap does turn out to be trying to scrounge leave and not help the OP, I'd love to be the one who takes a photo in....Grin

kilmuir · 10/05/2012 08:33

Why is he working and not paying towards the baby.?
Cheeky bugger

mayorquimby · 10/05/2012 08:38

"Why is he working and not paying towards the baby.?"

Are there any obligations to pay pre-birth in england?
not saying he shouldn't chip in if there's expenses wracking up, just wondering if he's actually shirking any legal (rather than moral) obligations

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