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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be totally sick of HV telling me i HAVE to do things

117 replies

lola88 · 08/05/2012 12:10

seriously this woman is driving me mad she spends all her time telling me i HAVE to do this and i'm NOT ALLOWED to do that.

So far i'm not allowed to put ds in his own room til 6 months not allowed to wean him before 17 weeks and should not being doin til 6 months anyway, i'm not allowed to leave him on changing table, i'm not allowed to put him in a baby walker.

I have to chuck away all my bottles and sterilisor because he had thrush, I have to stay with him while he sleeps, i have to get 4 stairs gates (when i only need 2 really) i have to get a fire guard.

I did say to her my understanding is these are guidelines not rules or laws she said guidelines are there to be followed! She is so pushy feel like telling her i'll do what i like and to bugger off! I do follow most of the guidelines but object to some woman telling me what i can and can't do with my own child!

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 08/05/2012 12:11

Actually, what you don't have to do is ever see her again.

So don't.

ShowOfHands · 08/05/2012 12:11

You do know seeing an hv isn't compulsory?

seemedlikeagudideaatthetime · 08/05/2012 12:12

do tell her to bugger off...whats the worst that could happen?

bunnyspoiler · 08/05/2012 12:12

why is she so involved?

Calamityboo · 08/05/2012 12:12

You have to tell her to Bugger off, and you have to raise your baby how you see fit!

wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 08/05/2012 12:13

when do you see her?
i hardly ever saw my HV and never got given any advice.

surroundedbyblondes · 08/05/2012 12:13

Out of interest, is it possible to change your hv if you feel you don't get on with them? I don't live in the UK so don't know how the system works?

redexpat · 08/05/2012 12:13

Ask to get a different HV.

Although she's right about not weaning him until 6 months. Those are current guidelines, but like you said, guidelines are just that.

Chubfuddler · 08/05/2012 12:13

Do you think it's safe to leave your baby on the change table, not have a fire guard or stair guard and wean before 17 weeks?

nancerama · 08/05/2012 12:15

Compared to some of the nonsense some health visitors spout, you've been given pretty sound advice.

They do have a manner about them that rubs people up the wrong way though, don't they?

mumblechum1 · 08/05/2012 12:15

I only met my HV once. She woke me up when she turned up unannounced after a sleepless night and I said I could manage on my own, thanks.

Never heard from her again.

monkeymoma · 08/05/2012 12:15

well that IS what you have to do if you want to get rid of thrush (trust me had a mare with it its persistant! had to replace all dummies and bottles in the end)

PicaK · 08/05/2012 12:16

I get your irritation about being told to do things - it bugs me too.

But most of these things seem very sensible and their alternatives quite dangerous.
Why would u want to risk your baby falling off a changing table or getting thrush again or damaging his joints because he's in a babywalker too long or causing himself injury cos you've gone out whilst he's asleep.

You need to be careful that you aren't rejecting sound advice simply because you don't like advice.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 08/05/2012 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwoPeasOnePod · 08/05/2012 12:18

Dont see her then, I only saw HV with first DC, didn't bother with second and third DC. She is right about not leaving unattended on changing table, and imo baby walkers are shit and pointless, but HVs should be summoned if and when needed, you can broadly make up your own mind/learn along the way. Cancel any future appts (we dont get more than one here anyway, politely declined as always } There is a thread on here somewhere with people's experiences of shit advice given by people, and HVs feature heavily on it. Shocking. What are they (HVs) for anyway?! I think unless a mum has PND/other issues she WANTS help with, they are pointless, because lots of women would be allocated a HV they dislike anyway, so she wouldn't be helpful to them.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 08/05/2012 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwoPeasOnePod · 08/05/2012 12:19

I think the OP means that the HV gave her very obvious advice, in a bossy manner... Not that she (OP) thinks its ok to not have a fireguard etc...

EldritchCleavage · 08/05/2012 12:19

Sounds like good advice, badly delivered. She can advise but she cannot dictate. You don't have to see her, so if she gets your back up get rid of her.

Equally though, don't let the fact that she is annoying cloud your judgment on the advice she is giving, if you see what I mean. If it is good advice don't ignore it just to spite her. E.G the fireguard: I would really really advise you to get one. I used a nursery fireguard, after relatives told me of close calls they'd had with babies and fires, not thinking baby was mobile enough to get close to the fire and in harm's way.

Greythorne · 08/05/2012 12:19

Which bit of her advice do you disagree with? All sounds v standard and sensible to me.

Or is it just her manner you object to?

Because whilst you don't have to see your HV, using bottles after a thrush infection, starting solids at 3 months and leaving a baby unattended on a change table will not score you points with right thinking people anywhere.

StrandedBear · 08/05/2012 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeymoma · 08/05/2012 12:22

"Sounds like good advice, badly delivered"

sounds to me more like good advice, badly RECEIVED

manicbmc · 08/05/2012 12:22

I get all the things your HV has said except - why do you have to stay with your child whilst they sleep? That was the only chance I got to have a shower for 6 months.

Flisspaps · 08/05/2012 12:23

Your HV sounds like a bloody sensible one to me, can she be cloned?

Original poster

lola88 · 08/05/2012 12:25

It not the advice she's giving thats all fine it's the way she gives it you HAVE to your NOT ALLOWED to shouldn't it be the guidelines are we advise?

She's only been twice but is at the baby clinic ds had to be weighed every week due to some problems with his fomula being changed a lot to find the right thing so i seen her lots.

monkeymoma you don't have to tchuck everything away i didn't i just done everything in milton then ran through steam twice thrush all gone.

OP posts:

Debsbear · 08/05/2012 12:26

I think it's a compulsary part of the HV training - to get mums backs up through your manner rather than your advice.

I found that most of mine were a waste of time tbh. Best way of getting rid of them - buy a tarantula and take it out when they come to visit! (actually it was a tarantula skin that was drying on top of the tank that got rid of my last one ) Some of her advice was good, some of it not so good. Weaning is down to the baby. Latest advice comes from the World Health Organisation who recommends only breast milk for 6 months because many countries don't have the food/ clean water/ facilities that we do. It was never geared towards the UK.

Stair gates - I never used them and none of mine have ever fallen down the stairs. If I had a huge flight of concrete steps then I woud probably have a rethink.

Fire guards, again up to you. I found it to be a waste of time as my 18 month old used to climb through a small gap and drop inside it.

No idea about getting rid of bottles etc in the case of thrush.

But whichever, you are right in that these are guidelines not rules and as such up to you. I wouldn't recommend leaving him unattended on a changing table, as he may roll off. Lots of babies (including some of my own) slept alone and are perfectly fine with it. I would be very wary of putting him in a baby walker too young as they can get damaged nd injured through this. Now go buy that tarantula!!

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