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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be totally sick of HV telling me i HAVE to do things

117 replies

lola88 · 08/05/2012 12:10

seriously this woman is driving me mad she spends all her time telling me i HAVE to do this and i'm NOT ALLOWED to do that.

So far i'm not allowed to put ds in his own room til 6 months not allowed to wean him before 17 weeks and should not being doin til 6 months anyway, i'm not allowed to leave him on changing table, i'm not allowed to put him in a baby walker.

I have to chuck away all my bottles and sterilisor because he had thrush, I have to stay with him while he sleeps, i have to get 4 stairs gates (when i only need 2 really) i have to get a fire guard.

I did say to her my understanding is these are guidelines not rules or laws she said guidelines are there to be followed! She is so pushy feel like telling her i'll do what i like and to bugger off! I do follow most of the guidelines but object to some woman telling me what i can and can't do with my own child!

OP posts:

monkeymoma · 08/05/2012 12:27

well that didn't work the first two times DSs thrush was treated!

Original poster

lola88 · 08/05/2012 12:28

oh and the fire guard thing - i don't have a fire

OP posts:

manicbmc · 08/05/2012 12:29

Hahaha

Original poster

lola88 · 08/05/2012 12:31

or a changing table, or a baby walker for that matter

OP posts:

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 08/05/2012 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrahamTribe · 08/05/2012 12:32

lola, do you have a front door?

Yes? So show the HV where it is and tell her to close it quietly on her way out. There is only one "have to" here - and that's that you don't "have to" see any HV at all, ever.

Take my word for it, for some of us life's far less pleasanter for telling them not to bother. :)

Chubfuddler · 08/05/2012 12:33

So she's given you some general safety advice and instead of saying oh right but we don't have a change table/stairs etc you've chosen to get mightily chippy. If you're suggesting the hv is demanding you buy a stairgate for stairs she knows you don't have then frankly, I don't believe you.

Flisspaps · 08/05/2012 12:34

manicbmc FSIDS research shows that babies under 6 months use your breathing to regulate theirs and it stops them falling into too deep a sleep. You have to be practical though; nipping off for a 5 minute shower is quick and you'll be back in the room shortly compared to putting baby for a 2 hour nap upstairs or in their own room overnight.

It's nothing to do with you hearing them, which many people think is the case.

storminabuttercup · 08/05/2012 12:34

So the HV is giving advice.

Some doesn't apply

The majority of it seems sensible

I'm

ReallyTired · 08/05/2012 12:36

"Out of interest, is it possible to change your hv if you feel you don't get on with them? I don't live in the UK so don't know how the system works?"

Its easy to change your health visitor. You don't even need a fair reason. All you have to do is ask.

Anyah · 08/05/2012 12:36

You sound like you'll now do all these things just to spite the evil HV who has given you advice.

Yeah her delivery of the advice was shit but don't be too chippy about it.

PestoPenguin · 08/05/2012 12:37

Her advice is all absolutely in line with current recommendations as far as I can see. However, it sounds like the manner in which it was delivered is not great, and not likely to be one that leads to parents she encounters following said advice or even considering it carefully. People (rightly enough) don't like being bossed around. It also sounds like maybe she didn't explain fully why she was suggesting you did all of these things?

The not leaving a baby unatttended whilst sleeping is because studies have shown that cot death risk is increased when babies sleep alone, even for daytime naps. Having an adult in the same room is protective. However, we all choose to take certain risks, and depending on other factors (do you smoke? Did you smoke in pregnancy? How is your baby fed? Does baby sleep on their back? Were they prem? etc etc) you might consider it a small and acceptable risk not to follow this advice.

It's no good HVs just trying to bludgeon people .

Spidermama · 08/05/2012 12:37

Just don't bother to go and see her. I never did. I've had four children and I only went ONCE to a health visitor. She was petty, gave me bad advice and I left feeling LESS confident and positive than when I arrived. So I didn't bother again. Half of them don't know wtf they're talking about and that's been proved time and again on here.

Debsbear · 08/05/2012 12:40

My name, as I am quoting my midwife I assume that you have a better source of information. Many babies are not satisfied with breastmilk alone until 6 months. My youngest was, but two of my older chldren weren't. It does depend on the baby.

Original poster

lola88 · 08/05/2012 12:46

Debsbear i know what you mean ds is big for his age and very hungry but he can't have hungry baby formula and he is lactose intorelant i think he'll be ready for food before 6 months. Doc and HV already recommended hungry baby and i had to point out he can't have it.

OP posts:

entropygirl · 08/05/2012 12:56

Wow do people actually buy into the hungry baby formula bollocks? I assumed it was transparent advertising bull shit....

Original poster

lola88 · 08/05/2012 12:59

there is actually a clinic in the childrens hospital where i live for constipation and 70% of the babies are on hungry baby so they must but when docs and hv recommend it it's no wonder people try it.

OP posts:

Greythorne · 08/05/2012 12:59

What the fuck is 'hungry baby formula'?

maddening · 08/05/2012 13:02

you obviously know everything so ignore her advice

PestoPenguin · 08/05/2012 13:03

Yeah, formula companies spend a LOT of money marketing to GPs and HVs for exactly this reason. Sadly lots seem to absorb the rubbish companies spout to sell their products.

Weaning foods suitable before 6 months have less calories than infant formula or breastmilk (pureed carrots, baby rice etc, if you think about it they're diet foods). If they need more food because they are big, then what they need is more milk . It's also normal for 5-6 month olds to continue waking at night and need milk at night. This does not mean they need solids, and in fact there is no good research evidence that starting solids makes them sleep any longer.

OneLittleBabyTerror · 08/05/2012 13:03

They all sound like good advice, sorry. Maybe she's just a bit of a nag.

entropygirl · 08/05/2012 13:04

It's like follow on milk...its a gimmick. The idea is to persuade people that there is a problem which can be fixed.

Babies get hungry...so you feed them....not really a problem as such.

I mean can people not work out that if babies are growing faster they may need more meals rather than gimmicky milk substitute?

I think a large part of the issue is people thinking that sleeping through the night is normal....

Anyah · 08/05/2012 13:05

Greythorne, I believe HBF is harder to digest (thicker or something?) so a baby feels fuller for longer.

So Lola. Are you going to take her sensible advice and delay weaning until the recommmended age?

Spidermama · 08/05/2012 13:05

Good post entropygirl.

entropygirl · 08/05/2012 13:06

pesto yes it is a little bit crazy that people think that filling up space in the babies stomach with something they can get far less energy from than milk is somehow going to make them less hungry....

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