to be totally sick of HV telling me i HAVE to do things

[lola88]

seriously this woman is driving me mad she spends all her time telling me i HAVE to do this and i'm NOT ALLOWED to do that.

So far i'm not allowed to put ds in his own room til 6 months not allowed to wean him before 17 weeks and should not being doin til 6 months anyway, i'm not allowed to leave him on changing table, i'm not allowed to put him in a baby walker.

I have to chuck away all my bottles and sterilisor because he had thrush, I have to stay with him while he sleeps, i have to get 4 stairs gates (when i only need 2 really) i have to get a fire guard.

I did say to her my understanding is these are guidelines not rules or laws she said guidelines are there to be followed! She is so pushy feel like telling her i'll do what i like and to bugger off! I do follow most of the guidelines but object to some woman telling me what i can and can't do with my own child!

Greythorne you can buy it anywhere i think it's just thicker.

maddening why igonre usefull advice it's being told what to do i object to advice great and welcome some woman coming in my house and telling me i am 'not allowed' to do things pisses me right off

I know this is off on a tangent but Everyone i know seems to have their lo on hungry baby even for babies who are happy going 4hrs between feeds and are tiny. My lo is on 98th centile and ate every 2.5hrs until he was 14 wks old now managed to get him up to 3 hr feeds but he has doubled his birth weight and launches himself at food so now he is 19wks we are starting weaning. Point is he doesnt get hungry baby because the few days he had it it bunged him up rotten, not sure why people give it without it seemingly being needed??

You don't have to c or visit the Hv do why r u??

It's your baby and your way.

Child so called experts ha ha !! Have fads and fashions on weaning, feeding etc. you just have to b clean enough. Love them enough and do what's right for you and your baby

She sounds a silly bullying old cow. Don't bother with her.

Anyah i'm not sure when i will wean as he is lactose intolerant it's not straight forward so will be going to see the doctor at 17 weeks to see what they suggest doc requested i come then.

She sounds bossy and terrible at dealing with people....OP I got rid of my HV with DD2 and also complained about her...she tried to put down a religion for my DD when we have none...not offcialy....we didn't want a religion on her form but our HV said "Oh I'll just put CofE rather than none."

And I said...no....we are not christened and neither are the DDs so we don't want a church putting down....she looked and so I complained..she'd not tell a Muslim to put Catholic down so who the eff did she think she was????

Phone up and tell them you want a different one as this one is too pushy and her people skills are poor.

And like others say, you don't have to see your HV. If you are really born in 1988, I think the problem is you got pushed around because of your age. (It usually means you don't carry yourself as confidently as someone older).

FWIW, I only saw mine in the health reviews. We have visits for two weeks or so after birth, then it's 6 weeks of postnatal classes. I didn't see the HV team at my home again until 12 months. I did take DD in for weigh ins about every 2 months in between.

Do as you feel is right for your baby taking into account the guidlines somewhat.
I know how you feel i had an overbearing HV with my pfb, i listened to all her What To Do's, i listened to her at 1st but it didnt work for me as my baby was unique as all babies are and didnt follow the guidelines to the line
I weaned her at 5 months because she was ready at 5 months even though at the time i was pressured to start her at 4m!!
I was told as an when she would crawl, walk, laugh-guess what she didnt start walking at 12m and i got it in the neck about how i wasnt helping her adequetly!! But she walked at 14m perfectly fine!

This Hv moaned about the colour of my mums christmas tree (was living with mum at time)!
Moaned about the fact my mum had a dog, told me to get on my own to feet and move out wtaf!??! I was only 19 and split up from babys father-my mum was supporting me!
Then she started to dig her nose in when my dcs father didnt want involvement-she told me fathers have rights bla bla, but he didnt want to know so what was i supposed to do??!
This woman has now become a SW, i found this out recently of another HV i feel she would be the type to take your child at the drop of a hat!!

I try to avoid HV now except for monthly & yearly assesments because i feel most of them are there just to patronise and go ott about milestones.
My 4th dc is 22m & still isnt walking and i was told by doc as long as she is cruising and gets there by 24m there aint a prob but HV went on about her needing physcio-doc says she dont need it!

My advice would be to make sure u get all assessments and monthly weigh-ins and if anything else is needed see your gp

What I really mean is confidently and calmly tell them to f* off. In a very polite way.

The Body. Do you really think the international guidelines regarding weaning, issued by the WHO are "fads"?

Oh dear. My health visitor annoyed the crap out of me too.

She told me I was 'doing too much and needed to rest'. I was sat on my arse in my back garden, in the sun, with my 7 year old running around, stuffing my face with cakes, cuddling my newborn.

She told me the next day when I was doing exactly the same thing (when she also turned up again uninvited) that 'I needed to get up and do something it would be good for me instead of sitting around'?!

The look I gave her probably killed her which is why I never saw her again. Thankfully.

OneLittleBabyTerror i was born 86 so am 25 young but not that young i need to be treated like a 15 yr old

Just smile and say 'thank you, that's great advice'. Then do what you want, weighing up the risks - you can always ask Mumsnetters if you want advice !

I think if you act firm and assertive these 'professionals' are much less likely to try and tell you what to do, don't think I ever saw a HV after the first bossy home visit.

One reason I am glad to be an older mother with my 'if looks could kill' face down pat is for stuff like this. I quite liked both my HVs, but even then I could see they had the potential to be quite domineering if they thought they could get away with it. Fortunately, the ones I saw at baby clinic (when I went) were very nice.

I think i'm to polite in real life i just smile and nod to her keep thinking she's only trying to help then fume when she leaves

The thing that annoys me about HV is they are so inconstant mine is pushy and won't give you any advice unless it's they way she thinks it should be done, my sister had one who came once and never again she had her dd at 18 and really needed the support, and best friend has an amazing HV who advises and is flexible to what the mother wants it's just your luck i guess.

Sorry, but that is hilarious. Hungry baby milk is 'just thicker'?
So, not enhanced nutritionally....just thicker.

Hmmmmmm.

you dont have to see them though

I'm with Warren on this, thought this post was a wind up tbh. Yes its guidance, damn good guidance and she probably thinks you won't follow it so is hammering it home to you in the best interests for your child.

Don't wean your baby before 6 months, seriously, do some research on it.....its really not good for your baby at all, it screws with their immune system and hungry baby formula is a pile of shit.

You don't have to do anything. Including see her, listen to her etc.

You can do whatever you like with your child but you know that and so does she.

Maybe just smile and nod or if you can't change HV

It's awfully easy to sit there and say that people should just ignore the HV, etc, when we've been there done that and are years on from that initial time when having a first baby was a bloody scary experience. And actually, now it's even worse because on the one hand we have the hv with her guidelines and rules and manner and on the other we have parenting forums like mn who are prepared to shoot down the hv and judge the new parent for not following the guidelines to the letter, and then there are the parenting books that state that at x age your child should have met y milestone and on and on and on.

Op - what you have to do is what you feel is right for your baby. There are of course things that no-one should do but which should be obvious such as not leaving babies unattended on a changing table (or any surface they can fall off of), but a lot of the rest is about guidelines and probabilities and you can work with those.

Even the guidelines re sleeping with baby in your room for six months are only guidelines. The reality is that no-one actually knows what causes SIDS, all they know is that there are certain things which have reduced it, however the biggest of those has been the back to sleep campaign. And in truth SIDS is rare, and you can follow the guidelines to the letter and a baby can still die of SIDS (because the cause is unknown) or you can choose to do something differently and your baby may die of SIDS, but even then that doesn't mean the baby died because you did x or y iyswim.

A baby is far more likely to die in a car crash and yet there aren't any guidelines saying we shouldn't take babies out in cars, is there?

Equally weaning - it is a guideline, nothing more. And if you read the guidelines they actually say that the recommendation is that babies be given breastmilk until six months but the guideline is to not wean before seventeen weeks. And with ff babies this is different anyway, and research is leaning back towards earlier weaning (scotland, for instance have recommended weaning between four-six months - this has actually been changed back from six months). There isn't a magic switch that clicks on at 26 weeks, not before, not after...

We need to stop beating people around the head with these rules and guidelines and "you must do x and y", not just the HV's, but people on mn too - because mn'ers are just as bad for doing just that.

It's just a figure od speech! Like saying on the Atkins diet you are 'not allowed' bread.

I do understand it's more her tone that pissed you off - but it is a case of smile and nod - unless she is insulting or abusive or gives dangerous advice.

We ignored hv advice to cio, she was convinced it was the only way.

You're right in that none of those things are actual rules which must be followed, on the other hand she's right in that they are all pretty advisable things to do.
Please don't consider not doing something just because she's managed to put your back up.

OP - your HV is giving you good advice intended to protect your child.

Baby walkers should be illegal imo. They are developmentally damaging and more importantly they're dangerous. Throw yours away. That's an instruction not a guideline by the way.

Not really sure what your problem is OP. Yes, HVs are annoying, but there is nothing wrong with the advice you're being given.

"Don't wean your baby before 6 months, seriously, do some research on it.....its really not good for your baby at all, it screws with their immune system" And scaremongering like that is of course really helpful.

The "risks" of weaning before 26 weeks are actually very small. And interestingly a lot of the research into alergies now are going back towards the idea that certain foods are given too late. e.g. there used to be a "no peanuts in pregnancy" guideline because of risk of alergies, now that guideline has been removed because it is believed that non exposure at an early age causes more chance of alergy than actual exposure... etc.

And of course guidelines are taylored to the lowest common denominator i.e. the developing world where bf is far safer than ff due to availability of clean water etc.