What have YOU ever done for me?

[bijou3]

This is what my horrid, horrid teenage child just said to me.

and on a Tuesday eve when they get changed.

There is a world of difference between ignoring a child for days and then. Bursting into her room to demand why she is ignoring u!! Of course that's mad.

But it's much better to remain calm and measured outwardly, rather than shout and scream which with respect is the other alternative.

Your dd has been a brat. We all are at times but if mine talked to me like that( or if anybody did) I wouldn't be conducting a conversation with them straight away.

I have 4 Dcs, 2 out of teenage years and other 2 r13 and 10.

I am not rude to them and don't expect them to be rude to me. Toddler or teen to be fair

A teen is well able to wash and iron uniform btw.

TeaTea good luck babe and hugs to u in this difficult time. Defiantly talk to mc Millan nurses as they fantastic and will point you in the right direction to help your son .

TeaTea, just seen your post Definitely talk to the Macmillan team - they will have had experience of this situation. And definitely talk to the school - they should be aware of how confused and angry (with the cancer - he is just projecting it onto you ATM) he is and hopefully offer some support.

I think being ignored by my stepdad for a day or so (can't remember how long) was appropriate to the level of the crime! Looking at it now as an adult I expect he didn't trust himself to say anything to me as he might have regretted what he said!! We're all human after all. I think him shouting at me would have been more damaging than what he did, which was to make me realise how much I'd let him down by doing what I had been made to promise I wouldn't do.

Bijou- sounds like you've dealt with it beautifully.

Teatea- I'm really sorry to hear about your illness and wish you all the best. I definitely agree with getting school onside- they might be able to offer him some emergency "ELSA"- emotional support sessions. If he's not showing outwardly how he feels, then it's great he's found an outlet in his diary. I suggest you promise to him that you won't read it again, or maybe he'll stop expressing himself and let it eat him up inside. Although it is good that you are now aware of how he's feeling. Take care.

I wouldn't take anything away from her. I would list it as "the things I have done for you until now." I would then give her the child benefit you get for her, less board and lodgings and tell her this is for the month for everything else and if she runs out she can get a job. Then leave her to do for herself.

You could let her know that if she decides that the little you do for her is preferable she can re-negotiate.

I would not be spoken to in that way. Disclaimer - I only have boys!

I think one thing that is important is to remember that you chose to spend £400 on her, so that part is not her fault. She should be punished for being rude to you, but whether she was rude after having had £400 spent on her or fourpence is really not that relevant. Otherwise you risk gliding into a relationship where you are always giving her more than you really want, resenting her for it, and she is resenting you for resenting her. My rule for dealing with teens is not to give more than I can give gladly and without resentment and never to let myself become a martyr.

Pull her up for this incident, in the way suggested, but then think about your general relationship. Is she always the recipient of your kindness? Does she get enough opportunities to reciprocate, to feel useful, do you ask for her help and support, do you discuss things with her? Sometimes what teens need is more responsibility and less self sacrifice on the part of the parent.

Yes,yes to the point about teenagers being able to wash and iron their own uniform.

No of course it doesn't get worse

It turns into hell on earth tbh!
Still, at least they can cook, clean and iron!

We spoke again last night she apologised and said she was really sorry, she realised that she had crossed a boundary and understood that there is no way that I would allow anyone to talk to me in that manner, yet alone my own child. We have a really, really good relationship, it was totally out of character for her to speak to me (or anyone) like that, she said that she was ashamed of herself. I told her that everyone in the world has said things that they don?t mean in the heat of the moment, so we should just forget it and move on.
I?m so happy I took time to chill out on here instead of arguing and getting mad, I learnt a valuable lesson yesterday. Thanks guys.

I think you'll find op that she will only make that mistake Once!

My ds1 thinks VERY carefully what he says now!

Bijou - my ignoring post was in response to tantrums posts that it turns into hell on earth, not yours. Glad everything sorted with your DD, she sounds very level headed even if the hormones over-ride sometimes.

Sheep, you cant hide forever. Make the most of the toddler years......:)

I'm joking, it's not that bad.

I'm trying to, but seriously everything is a physical struggle with 2 year old DS2. Getting him dressed, brushing his teeth, getting into car seat, putting shoes on. I know it is just him asserting his independence and I'm totally happy for him to have a go, but after a while, I have to help him and when he refuses agh!!! I hate physically forcing him to get dressed or whatever, but I've tried everything else.

I know he'll grow out of it, as DS1 is much easier to encourage and at 4, I can rationalise with him. But I had forgotten the terrible 2s!!

I thought so Sheep, thank you.

tbh, I think this is what teenagers are like. I don't think you should take what they say seriously. It's just an expression of general discontent and irritation with the world. I was sometimes horrible to my mum, and she was one of the sweetest, loveliest people you could hope to meet.

Mind you, when I read the OP, I also thought of "No Charge"!

Sheep, tbh it's the same thing when they are teenagers (asserting their independence) they are just bigger :)

My ds1 is taller than me, I make him sit down when I tell him off now, still has the mind of a 2 yo though :)

My mum still sings this to me, when I've done something terrible like not dance with enthusiasm because she spent £500 in Brora.

For the nahn mernths Ah carried yew, growaihn inside meh, NO CHARGE (yah little shuyit)

Sheep, it may never happen: I am finding the teen years far easier than the toddler years. But neither is a patch on my mother's menopause- so perhaps I might have some surprises in store for my unsuspecting offspring

£400 .....i think she may be a bit spoiled?

DD1 said to me the other day - "You've ruined my life and my day"

She's 4

and a little strong willed.

I think the teenage years are going to be fun fun fun!

bijou3,Talking is the best answer to everything and I'm glad everything is sorted out.

Sounds standard teenage behaviour mine have all said similar things in the past. Cream carpets and teens bedrooms don't mix.