What have YOU ever done for me?

[bijou3]

This is what my horrid, horrid teenage child just said to me.

Is there something else bothering here? Redirected anger and all that... Teenage years are a funny time...

Bothering her...

Until she re-thinks her attitude I would be removing the new clothes.

Most teens have strops ( I seem to remember the odd vile moment), but not straight after such a spending spree!

Don't say anything, just go in and take them back. Put the ball in her court.

Was thinking of 'no charge' as well.

My Dad played it to me when I was a horrible teenager.

I have a teenager now and he's turned into a right entitled Kevin type I spend my time thinking up more and more vindictive and evil revenges on him like making him do his own laundry, meal prep and asking him to clear his My Little Pony stuff away when he's talking to his friends on his PS3

Erm...YABU?

If it were me:
*Make up taken away and not given back until you get a sincere apology and the marks are clean - punishment for the mess
*New clothes taken away (£400!!! What happened to new clothes being given at christmas and birthdays only?) - punishment for the cheek
*Stop doing ANYTHING for her for a week - an education into how much you actually DO do for her AND a punishment for her calling you thick.

bijou - what would I do?

In this situation, I would calmly walk into her room and tell her that I'd been having a think and that her attitude was completely unacceptable to me and this being the case, I was going to dish out a punishment. I'd talk to her about her general attitude towards you, her lack of apology, her spoilt behaviour and your generosity with buying her lots of clothes.

I'd then take her laptop/phone or whatever meant the most to her. I wouldn't take it for a specific timescale - i am pretty soft so it would be returned when i felt id had a heartfelt apology.

I would not be martyring myself to her though. Tell her you mean business and mean it.

To begin with though Id have hit the roof and bollocked her though.

I know this is a tricky time but there is NEVER an excuse for speaking to your mother like you are a fellow 14 year old - is there?

Don't just take the clothers back, walk quietly and calmly into her room and remove all luxuries she has that she hasn't spent her own money on. (preferably in a black bin bag) When you do speak to her to it in a very calm quiet voice but say to her that you are so disappointed in her you don't trust yourself not to lose your temper and you would advise her to stay away from you at the moment.
Give her a couple of days of this before you sit her down to chat. Most teens (not all!!) will not hear you if you shout, they'll only shout louder.
Leave the song until you are friends again! Good luck

In fact take away all clothes except uniform and a couple of sets of basic clothes.

I hope I am as mean/fair as this thread makes me want to be when my time comes

Also a very quiet, yet menacing "don't you dare speak to me like that, go to another room while I decide what I'm going to do now" does make them realise that their actions have consequences.

I have to agree that the silent treatment might be the way to go; my stepdad didn't speak to me AT ALL after I had a house party while they were away (oh my god, I have all this to come, eek!) I didn't half grovel and learn my lesson. I think your teenager sounds like a spoilt, selfish little brat. To have that much money spent on her and then the next day be so unutterably vile to you.

ILove - DS1 recently said something along those lines to me. I asked him to unload the dishwasher (I was going to reload) and he said "I have a life too y'know". Generally, he is a good lad...

bijou, get her some carpet cleaner in a bowl with a cloth and ask her to clean it up u Dre your guidance so she doesn't make more of a mess.

I have removed laptop, make-up, new clothes and shoes from her room without here realising as she?s downstairs. I shall take the phone in a minute as I know that will be the worst thing for her.
She?s at a really important stage in her life so I?ve been nagging her to revise for her exams in 3 weeks time but it?s like getting blood out of a stone. A part of me thinks leave her to make her own mistakes and another part says nooo make her revise. It?s so hard especially when there are other children to think about. She is supposed to be revising now but instead she?s slobbing in front of the TV.

Oh and does she realise that (presumably; forgive me if I'm wrong) you not working is so that you can do "nothing" for her?

Clips around the ear/shouting just makes them think hey are in the right.

Calm no nonsense voice, ignoring any arguments or baiting.

Clothes taken away, take her phone.instead of taking laptop change the router password - this upsets them more - having a device that can't go online. After all, you pay for the broadband and phone don't you?

BlackholesAndRevelations, You are right she is a spoilt brat and no, I dont think she realises what I do for her

Good for you Bijou! I don't think she's paid for the electricity for the TV has she? ;)

I just read in my sons diary (I know I shouldn't have read it)

That he hates me and I am bitch and he is sick of me being sick and wishes I would die (I'm being treated for cancer at the moment).

He's 10. We talked about it and he said he didn't mean it he was just angry that he had to walk the dogs that day because I was feeling too poorly.

I'm going to speak to my dr about maybe getting him some help.

Oooh you lot are evil!

have to agree with the ear clipping and shouting part though, it doesn't work, not at any age

Poor u, we have all been there to a greater or lesser degree whether it's ungrateful behaviour, laziness etc but it's very upsetting for u to have her speak to like this.

I agree with taking her stuff, good for u.

Now call her up to her room And tell her u r disgusted by her behaviour.te her no tele till she cleans the carpet. Be coldly calm but
exude anger and disgust . She will cave if u keep strong and remain icily cold to her until she apologised.

No cooking or washing of course until she apologises she doesn't deserve it

Can I Ask what your dh thinks.??

oh TeaTea, I'd say he is angry, and not really about walking the dogs.

Angry and scared.

Agree with moin, he might not be handling your cancer diagnosis well, taking it out on you as he doesn't know what else to do. Doctor sounds like a good idea.

ah, teenagers are like this.

I was like that when I was a teenager, and apparently I was a breeze compared with my older sister.

I'm fully expecting DD to be like it when she's a teenager.

but I think you did right with the punishment you have given.

It's so hard (and believe me, I'm storing up tips for when I get stung!), and you've got to provide consistency and support [yadayada], and think "oh my poor parents put up with the same when I was that age" - what goes around comes around .