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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has bought DS (15) an air rifle

162 replies

Fiendishlie · 06/05/2012 18:12

They went to a 'gun club' for some sort of taster session. Of course they have come home with a £140 air rifle. I am furious on so many levels; guns, money, lack of consultation (pretty sure I've said no in the past).
What should I do? I've stormed off in disgust and taken to my bed. DH will no doubt do his usual trick of turning it round so that he's angry with me for daring to be upset.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 06/05/2012 22:37

Ahhh, I couldn't make that out from your post thirdfromtheleft.

I'd prefer to tackle the problem of men behaving violently towards women, than giving women the power to blow a blokes nads off every full moon whenever they felt like it.

EdlessAllenPoe · 06/05/2012 22:38

unfortunately the person most likely to be injured by a gun you own is you, closely followed by members of your immediate family.

EdlessAllenPoe · 06/05/2012 22:40

that is in the US it is 85% of all injuries are with persons/families own weapon.

Whatmeworry · 06/05/2012 22:45

that is in the US it is 85% of all injuries are with persons/families own weapon

There is a huge difference between an air rifle and a gun though.

SuchProspects · 06/05/2012 22:45

Fiendishlie Sorry I'm late responding - I haven't read the other comments since I last posted, so sorry for repetition or rehashing something you've responded to.

I don't personally know anyone who thinks a gun is suitable as a toy. I don't even see how a real gun could be a toy and it never occurred to me that your DP would have bought it with the intention of it being a toy. I would see an air rifle as something more on par with a violin or a hockey stick - an instrument to practice a skill with and develop a passion.

I said I think your opinion (the little of it you've posted - so I may be off the mark) on guns seems unreasonable to me because I think a knee jerk "I won't have that in my house" attitude is generally unreasonable in most situations, regardless of what the majority of people in the UK may or may not think. There are many things in life that are dangerous - they just need proper care. Removing dangerous things rather than harnessing them to our ends is a sterile way to live. There are many dangerous things that people love just because they love them (and air rifles are at the lower end of dangerous things). If they can use them responsibly I dont think it's reasonable to get in the way of them doing so.

I think going to a gun club and learning how to handle a gun properly under the mentoring eye of a responsible parent is probably one of the best ways of learning respect for what they can do and countering the impact of a culture that glorifies gun crime and unsafe usage. Of course if your DP is less than responsible you might have good reason to worry, but it's not really the gun that's the problem.

EdlessAllenPoe · 06/05/2012 23:00

and amongst younger persons 52% of all weapons injuries involved an air rifle/bb gun (us stats).

the last stats for the UK i found were from 2000 and roughly 2000 injuries a year resulting from air rifles/bb guns, though they were then increasing.

GnomeDePlume · 06/05/2012 23:00

I dont have a problem with guns per se. I would have huge problems with my DS coming home with a gun though.

Gun at club, yes. Gun at home, no.

My DS goes to Army Cadets. I trust them to teach my DS to handle guns responsibly. I wouldnt trust an amateur.

KitCat26 · 06/05/2012 23:08

YANBU at the lack of consultation and the amount spent.

Having said that my DH was given an air rifle for his 13th birthday and he said it was the best present his parents ever got him.

DrCoconut · 06/05/2012 23:12

DS1 first went shooting with scouts when he was 10. He has also shot with DH. We are historical re enactors and DH has a shotgun certificate. He fires muskets. DS is totally at ease round guns but equally knows about responsible use. I'd far rather people like DH, our friends and the scoutmaster are answering my son's questions about guns than other kids or worse to be honest. Like anything with an interested child, if it is a forbidden subject they will just go off and investigate anyway, perhaps with far more serious consequences. Unless you have some reason to not trust your DH and his judgement I'd leave them to it or even join them, it's quite good fun Grin

AgentZigzag · 06/05/2012 23:25

What kind of re-enactments do you do DrC? Like English civil war kind of things?

Now that's a good and legit use of a gun, pretending to kill people in rememberance of people who've already been killed by guns Grin

GnomeDePlume · 06/05/2012 23:32

If there is a gun club why on earth did the gun need to come home? That is just asking for trouble. Shooting at targets in the garden is just plain lunacy.

underthevalley · 06/05/2012 23:38

I grew up around guns (and I mean guns) and 3 of my own by the time I was 16. But then we went on shots and hunted. We had others for 'protection'

Guns are dangerous they are designed to kill people (unfortunately I know this very well) but in the right hands, with proper training they are less so.
Having a gun wouldn't worry me the knowing how to use it would (Once saw a US tourist look down the barrel and then just start swinging it around - he didn't have a clue)

If you don't like it explain why. You don't want it in the house well fine - they can keep it at the range. But having a gun isn't bad, the hands it is in and why could be awful. I hope you DH would know he and your DS's limits.
Compromise? they could keep it at the club and use it there till you feel comfortable with it elsewhere (if that ever happens)

LittleMissMcFartyPants · 06/05/2012 23:56

A 15 year old, bought a gun Hmm

No way would I have guns in the house!

Original poster
Fiendishlie · 07/05/2012 12:00

Thank you all for your input. I can see that opinion on guns is very divided so we'll never agree if guns are inherently 'bad' or not. I think they are.
IAmBooyhoo said '£140 is a big chunk of money to spend on a random gift' and that is spot on. It isn't Christmas, or a birthday. So, I'm annoyed. I can see they want to do 'Dad and lad' stuff together and I get that, but as I've already said, there's lots of previous form due to having the attention spans of gnats. Plus they have to buy their own gun, don't they? (just like they had to buy their own windsurfers etc etc) rather than hiring or borrowing.
The rifle is locked in the shed, apparently the ammo is somewhere else.
I'm sure my DS couldn't aim it at a living creature (just like me) so there'll be no hunting or shooting of vermin.
Finally, I won't be joining in. I'd have to research the club to find out if it is wheelchair accessible (terrain, gradients etc) and I can end up feeling mighty uncomfortable in these situations.

OP posts:
brdgrl · 07/05/2012 13:41

It sounds like you're going to accept this, and it sounds like you have accepted similar actions in the past. If you are ok with it, really, then that is one thing, but it sounds like you really aren't. All the arrangements about keeping the ammo separate and your confidence that DS won't try it out on living targets, etc...that doesn't seem to really respond to your own feelings that 1) you are angry about the lack of consultation and the expense, and 2) having it at all is less safe than not having it.

It just sounds like your DH has got this by you by just doing it, and now you are actually thinking in terms of joining in and 'managing' things. :( Are you ok with that?

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 07/05/2012 13:43

In the shed? I hope they will be looking after it of its in those conditions it will need regular cleaning.

EdlessAllenPoe · 07/05/2012 14:54

i suspect, OP if you wait a bit, you will be able to quietly disappear it at some time in the future - without them noticing.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 07/05/2012 15:01

This past week should have marked the 18th birthday of one of my dd's best friends.

He was accidentally killed by his friend with an air rifle when he was 12.

You have a right to be upset.

Original poster
Fiendishlie · 07/05/2012 16:06

Yes brdgrl, he's got it by me by doing it. I'm not going to 'leave the bastard' over it and if I made them take it back, DS would be upset and I would be the bad guy. The shed is an outbuilding, brick built and sealed from the elements.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fiendishlie · 07/05/2012 16:08

Yes brdgrl, he's got it by me by doing it. I'm not going to 'leave the bastard' over it and if I made them take it back, DS would be upset and I would be the bad guy. The shed is an outbuilding, brick built and sealed from the elements.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fiendishlie · 07/05/2012 16:08

Bloody wifi went out, double post

OP posts:
amillionyears · 07/05/2012 16:23

Fiendishlie, how are things in your household today, if you dont mind me asking?
Could you show DH and or DS these posts?It might make DS think, even if it makes no difference to DH

brdgrl · 07/05/2012 17:17

fiendishlie, hope i didn't sound like i was having a go - i meant it sympathetically...just doesn't seem fair on you! (my DH has been known to do similar - go ahead and do something and then it ends up we are alking about HOW something happens instead of WHETHER it happens.)

Original poster
Fiendishlie · 07/05/2012 19:26

Everything's fine, of course, I wasn't about to have a screaming match with them.
DS has confirmed that he couldn't bring himself to hurt any animal, so they will shoot at targets at the club. I've told him if it doesn't get used much, or if the novelty wears off the rifle is to be sold with no fuss. I've also told DS to be very insistant about trips to the club! They will spend lots of quality father and son bonding time Grin
I'm a brdgrl too, brdgrl Grin. Finches mainly.

OP posts:
EdlessAllenPoe · 07/05/2012 19:50

you have been manipulated into this by the thought you will be the 'bad guy'
in the eyes of your son. you need to have a serious talk with your DH (if you haven't already) abut you two being a team, and about him not undermining you - it is good for them to have a close relationship. it is not ok for your DH to form that relationship in a way that plays your son off against you (oh, boring old mum won't like it, don't worry i'll talk her round - can you imagine this being said??).

this may not be a 'leave the bastard' moment but it would annoy five shades of fuck out of me.