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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DH over this fucking lie in?

85 replies

PassMeTheWino · 06/05/2012 08:18

I really need to know who is BU here because I am so cross right now Im not sure Im thinking straight.

DH and I have two children, 6 and 1. The 1 year old is teething and waking a lot. Tbh teething or not the baby wakes a lot, a lot. For this reason DP chooses to sleep on the sofa, its huge, its comfy and it saves both of us bring woken 6 million times a night. Twice have nights been so bad that I have asked for his help, 2 times in a year. I strive to not ask for his help as his work involves heavy and dangerous machinery Id worry about him going to work tired.

Because nights are bad for me, come Saturday mornings every now and then I'll get a lie in. I wake up with the baby, get his nappy changed, him dressed, myself dressed the eldest dressed. I come down, give the baby breakfast and if everyone is well and happy I slope off for 1-2 hours shut eye.

Thats how it went yesterday. Afterwards I said did he want to do the same tomorrow? (this whole lie in thing is very very recent, so he'd not done it yet). He said possibly, depends what time we all get up, if he does he'll go upstairs once we're all down. Great, fine.

So, baby wakes at 6am the eldest comes and joins us, I get the baby changed he screams a lot (teething, ear ache, hates his nappy being put on) I get the eldest change and notice hes tip out one of his toy boxes. I quickly put the toys back in (takes about 3 minutes) and DH comes up with a face like a slapped arse and starts giving me grief about 'all the noise'. I was thinking WTF?!

We all went down its 06.45 hes got a good 2-3 hours before the baby needs a nap so he can go up and sleep.

Cue huge row. Apparently hes too awake now, all my crashing around for am hour and a half. And he'll make sure he does the same next time I want a lie in.

WTAF? I was trying to get everyone dressed and sorted and downstairs and fed (just like I do on a morning of my potential lie in) so he could go upstairs.

Now hes got a face like thunder being a complete fucking martyr and refusing to go. Its all my fault of course.

WIBU? Because right now all I can think is he's being a fucking wanker.

prepares to be flamed

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 06/05/2012 08:22

HIBU, especially as he's made no attempt to go back to bed

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 06/05/2012 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 06/05/2012 08:22

yep good definition WANKER .No flaming from me.

rubyslippers · 06/05/2012 08:23

A lie in is where you don't get out of bed

Why on earth are you sorting the kids out ?

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 06/05/2012 08:25

He s being a wanker also on your lie in days he should be seeing to the kds in the morning not you - its not hard and hes a big boy im sure he wil manage.

Totally ignore his childish mood and dont let it sour your day.

ChopstheScarletduck · 06/05/2012 08:26

He is.

If you are getting up every night and he is sleeping, he doesn't even need the lay in. And if he was a bit nice, he would be getting the kids ready in the morning so you could stay in bed, rather than having to get them all sorted before having to go back up.

Leave the bastard Grin

Pagwatch · 06/05/2012 08:26

I think being excessively tired makes everyone completely unreasonable.

I think he is being a pillock. Especially given that you are doing by far the most of the night time crap.

But you are both knackered. Talk to him later today and remind him that this stage is shit for both of you, that you are bearing the brunt and that trying to be considerate to each other is the only way through it.

Magneto · 06/05/2012 08:26

Never mind the lie in, why can't he help get the dcs ready in the morning? Hardly fair if you have to do it everyday.

messagetoyourudy · 06/05/2012 08:29

He is being TOTALLY unreasonable.....You are doing too much, weekends are for everyone to relax around and catch up on some sleep.

My DS are 5 and 7 and they love a pyjama day - cue watching TV, getting own breakfast of dried ceral, while mum and dad both sleep in for an hour more.
Or one of you gets up (as your 1year old probably cant work the tv control) then that parent gets to gets to have an afternoon nap.
Or take it in turns to have a lie in - one on a Sat and one on a Sun.

It needs to be a plan that you can both see is fair.

DogEared · 06/05/2012 08:30

What Pag said.

ChopstheScarletduck · 06/05/2012 08:31

Rudy has a point too, no one needs to rush around getting kids ready at the weekend. Mine are still in pjs ATM!

TheCunningStunt · 06/05/2012 08:31

YANBU. Why on earth are you getting up to sort the kids out? That's not a lie in!!!

tiredemma · 06/05/2012 08:33

Lots of partners work- it doesn't mean that they don't have to help out with kids in the morning.

He sounds a bit selfish tbh.

RedHotPokers · 06/05/2012 08:33

There's no law that everyone has to get dressed as soon as they wake up. What's wrong with just staying in pjs for a few hours. And it's just weird to get up, get dressed, have breakfast and THEN go back to bed.

So imo hibu to be nasty to you, but I see his point about a lie in not being a lie in once you are wide awake.

seeker · 06/05/2012 08:34

A lie in is where you stay in bed while the other parent gets up. What you're doing ia going back to bed for a nap!

Incidentally, why are you getting yourself or anyone else dressed at that time in the morning?

GateGipsy · 06/05/2012 08:36

YANBU he is. He should be sorting the kids out on your lie in day. I get up every day with son. Expect that on my day I get to stay in bed. He's getting it easy!

Original poster
PassMeTheWino · 06/05/2012 08:36

Usually he gets the eldest breakfast then goes back to sleep, I got him changed because he was upstairs usually he'd stay in his PJ's until we were all awake. As for me getting the baby dressed, Im not sure its just habit. That and I feel like he'd be happier about giving me a lie in if I gave him a freshly dressed and clean baby.

Its useless trying to discuss it with him again. I did the mature thing and shouted my point across in full volume. But in my defense I was livid, tired and we rarely shout argue. Tbh hes never usually such a toss pot I dont know why hes being such a bitch this morning?!

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 06/05/2012 08:37

It's the law that the bloke does Sunday morning while you lie in. Are you not aware of this?

Voidka · 06/05/2012 08:38

I agree with the others. The key to a lie-in is the name! If you are getting up with the children then going back to bed that isnt a lie in.

I would have left the toybox though tbh.

PuppyMonkey · 06/05/2012 08:38

He doesn't "give you a lie in." you have a lie in.

TomatoFish · 06/05/2012 08:38

He is being a total wanker.

I agree with everyone else...why do you have to get up to sort everybody out? Confused He should be doing that.

If I were you I would go back to bed now. Someone might as well get the lie in.

Original poster
PassMeTheWino · 06/05/2012 08:39

I have to get the baby dressed straight away regardless really. His nappy leaks a bit so his PJ's are always a little damp.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 06/05/2012 08:40

Yes but your husband can change a nappy and a pair of PJs

You shouldn't leave your bed if you are having a lie in

PuppyMonkey · 06/05/2012 08:41

So let your DP change him into clean things.

quickhide · 06/05/2012 08:42

If it was me I'd say 'well there's no point us both being up' and slope off back to bed Grin

I agree tiredness makes everyone unreasonable-it's the kind of pointless argument DH and I would have had about a year ago, when DD2 was little.