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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was in Tesco's this afternoon and a man

119 replies

ExitPursuedByABear · 04/05/2012 17:16

farted, loudly, whilst I was behind him Shock.

Lots of people in front of him in the aisle, but just me behind him, and he let rip.

I was too surprised to come up with a decent remark so I just walked past him sporting my best cat's bum face.

AIBU for shopping in Tesco? Does this sort of thing happen in other supermarkets?

OP posts:
taxiformumplease · 04/05/2012 23:21

ha ha ha ha to cat bum face

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 04/05/2012 23:23

I farted loudly at work the other day (I have IBS and when it needs to come it needs to come) and made my colleague squeal like a banshee with laughter and get an evil look from miserable manager. It really is a comical matter I don't know why

maddening · 04/05/2012 23:24

you're not in cheshire are you - in a small town affiliated with salt production? - may have been my oh as he does fart in tesco - he shops alone for this reason

Riversidegirl · 04/05/2012 23:26

People with colostomy bags can't control the noises...do you think.....Blush.
My friend has had to suffer this for a few years now and at one time stopped leaving the house for fear she'd make sounds. Do we have any nurses here?

NiniLegsInTheAir · 04/05/2012 23:26

Total nonsense that people in Waitrose don't fart. I always do - the old biddies get too close to me in the bakery section and it stresses me out to the point that I feel the need to warn them off skunk-style. Then I blame DD :D

Riversidegirl · 04/05/2012 23:30

Oh I forgot this until I read the threads again. My 'lady' boss once asked me to go into her office as she wanted me to know something confidential...as she closed the door in the cupboard sized room she farted loudly and we both froze Shock. Then I said, " Was that all maam?"

NicNocJnr · 04/05/2012 23:38

Ugh terrible. One shall have to take her business elsewhere!

I already don't belong in Waitrose. I try and blag it by wearing my scraggiest dog walking clothes and wellingtons and pretending I'm an eccentric 'Lady'. I have a double-barrelled surname and pretend I'm just far too posh to care what the commoners think...I've got away with it so far Grin I actually quite enjoy seeing the snobby twinset & yummy mummy club actually thinking I am far more important than they are and they must defer to my stomping around. We live in an area with a lot 'slebs, peers and all that rubbish so some people are really unbearable snobby - I'm common as muck and find it hilarious. I still couldn't fart in public though...but then I can't even pee in my own house if I think someone is outside the door, it's quite pathetic.

tethersend · 04/05/2012 23:40

The local priest goes over to an old parishoner's house for
a chat and a cup of tea. He's there for half an hour when
he has a huge need to fart. Luckily he notices that the
old guy's dog has come over and is lying under his chair.
Maybe, he figures, the old guy will think the dog farted.

He sneaks out a fart and soon a horrible smell filles the
room.

"Rover!!", yells the old man. "Get out of there you stupid
dog!!!"

The dog runs out and the priest is relieved. About five
minutes later the dog returns and not long after that the
priest has to fart again. He lets another one go. It's
one of those thick smelly ones that seem to cling to the
curtains.

"Rover!!! You stupid dog!!! Get out from there!!!" yells
the old guy and the dog takes off.

About five minutes later the priest has to fart again. He
holds on for about ten minutes until the dog returns and
lies under his chair again. Again he lets go a fart that
would bring tears to your eyes.

"ROVER!!!!" yells the old bloke, "YOU STUPID DOG!!!! GET
OUT OF THERE BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU!!!"

NicNocJnr · 04/05/2012 23:45
Grin
dontquotem3 · 04/05/2012 23:47

Hahhahahahaa @ redpanda13

maddening · 04/05/2012 23:52

and ps my oh was in tesco this afternoon - I think he'd be secretly proud that it was him if it was

bruces · 05/05/2012 00:02

i'M 45 and anything to do with farts still makes me laugh ive been crying with laughter......thank you one

Lollyheart · 05/05/2012 00:07

There must be something about tesco cause every bloody time I go in there I can quantee you I need a pooh Grin

jammiecat · 05/05/2012 00:20

My Mum once let out a silent one in a supermarket. Unfortunately she was with my 4 year old nephew who started asking "what's that smell Nanny?" He went on and on about the smell so much so that Mum had to abandon her shopping and flee Grin

Ilovejellysweets · 05/05/2012 00:52

Good one1. Parker farted and lady Penelope said stop that Parker. Parker replied, yes ma lady which way did it go!

Bagofholly · 05/05/2012 01:27

Last time I was very pregnant I waddled into the cafe at M&S and heaved myself up onto a high barstool, so I could stare out of the window and tuck my bump under the bar bit. I would never usually trump in public but the downward pressure of two baby giants was too much. I checked there was noone near, and then let go a terrible anal scream. It went on for ages and, still staring out of the window, I finished with a deeply satisfied "Aahhh".

So imagine my horror when I turned to see an elderly couple sitting at the table behind me, on normal chairs and therefore bang on bum height for me, gazing aghast! I don't know how they got there! They must have shape-shifted silently into position!

Mortified I waddled away as fast as my spread legs would carry me, laughing and crying with shame!

thismumismad · 05/05/2012 04:40

I can remember listening to a tape by Billy Connelly and the subject was farting, so I started giggling very loudly I was about five months pregnant with twins. The subject turned to farting and shitting while being sick, and that was it for me, I have always found farting to be my guaranteed giggle inducer, by this time I was laughing so loudly and uncontrollably one of my workmates decided to put a bucket under my chair, there was not a dry eye in the whole place :). I have been giggling so much over this thread that I have just let rip a loud one, which was heard by one of my 2ins, to which he reply ar nice one and giggled.

fuzzpig · 05/05/2012 04:58

I don't think waitrose is all that safe. My dad shops there!

theodorakis · 05/05/2012 06:11

I don't think farting is rude. Sometimes it feels like a silent one but comes out as a bum flap clapper.

MamaMaiasaura · 05/05/2012 07:24

Grin arf at bum flap clapper

Mrsrobertduvall · 05/05/2012 09:07

My pilates class is a hotbed of farts.

mynameis · 05/05/2012 10:02

I am in tears of laughter Grin

MeconiumHappens · 05/05/2012 15:05

My mum works in asda. A couple of years ago they found a mystery turd in the corridor leading from the store to the warehouse. They watched the cctv and some dirty bastard had been shopping, popped through the doors, taken a rather large shit, wiped his bum on a sack and carried on shopping. Think yourself lucky op.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 05/05/2012 15:08

Yet another reason why I only shop in Waitrose, no farters or shitters there....

ledkr · 05/05/2012 15:14

A man did this when serving in our local shop.As i handed him the money he parped shamelessly,as he gave me the change he did it again.I was Shock and Grin but he said nothing.I raced home to tell ds's and dh and they already knew as he apparently does it all the time Hmm Very strange behaviour.