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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking that living in a B&B with two kids is going to be a nightmare?

209 replies

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 19:21

I know I'm being unreasonable. I know there are people is worse situations but I need to get all of this out in the hope I'll sleep tonight if I offload and maybe even hear something positive from people who have done it before.

I have posted before under a different name (AllShiney) but this name better matches my mood :)

The gist is that I was served notice. I now have 18 days left and I still have not found anywhere to go. It's a combination of private rents being too high, no one taking people who recieve housing benefit, not having a UK based gaurentaur.

I have rung over 100 agencies. I have been in touch with shelter and a local housing charity. It's hopeless :(

I'm on the council list and bidding but I am low band only in need of an extra bedroom as per their assessment at the moment. They have advised that if I leave when my notice is over I am making myself intentionally homeless and they will not prioritise our needs. I basically have to stay and be evicted through the court before I am a priority.

Then I will 'most definately' be put into temporary accommodation which would be a B&B. They 'might' be able to offer me storage for my belongings at a reduced rate. However, they won't know this for certain until the day I approach them with my homeless application. That is the day that the bailiffs will evict me so I would have to leave the furniture behind as opposed to selling it if I had some notice.

Please don't get me wrong, I am gratefull we won't be on the streets but the whole situation is so stressful :(

I have an 11 yo and a 3 yo. The thought of staying in one room for months is daunting. I'm just visualising me sat in the dark from 8pm. Not even sure I'll have MN as I won't have my WiFi.

Also, the council women today said they will try to pu me in a food friendly b&b. When I asked what that meant she said some of the places they use don't allow any hit food in the room. You have to eat out for every meal. I was hoping I could pickup a cheap microwave and use that :(

It's going to be hell isn't it?

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 03/05/2012 19:23

I'm so sorry, I have no decent advice. But you are definately not being unreasonable and the situation sounds terrible.

Im sure people with decent advice will be along soon.

Olympia2012 · 03/05/2012 19:25

Can you stay in your room during the day? Because some don't let you....

Difficult.I was once in similiar position

GateGipsy · 03/05/2012 19:28

Yes it is going to be hell, but it won't be hell forever. A good friend went through this a year ago. However, a couple of differences. One is that she got notice of eviction, which was before the eviction (is it two weeks?). Call Shelter and ask them about this, and what the actual eviction process is. She took her notice of eviction to the housing office in person, and was placed in emergency accommodation. With this particular LA, as she had three children, this was a temporary flat. Frankly it was an awful place, but slightly better than a B&B. As she was now classed as homeless, she went much further up the bidding process. Parents with children with special needs were ahead of her, I think, but that's about it. Even so it did take her 8 months to get a place, and she was so desperate to get out of where she was she took a flat on the edge of a less than desirable estate. But it is a gorgeous flat, and huge, really roomy. All the rooms are a good size, and it is full of light. So, a compromise.

Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you xx

HillyWallaby · 03/05/2012 19:30

Why on earth are you 'making yourself intentionally homeless' if it was not your choice to have notice served on you? Confused Can you prove your landlord is serving notice, is that the issue? I am failing to see how this can be something that is within your control.

And why is he serving notice?

misty75 · 03/05/2012 19:30

You don't have to wait until the day the bailiffs evict you. You can apply as homeless as soon as you are within 28 days of eviction by the bailiffs. Sorry, I know that doesn't help the other issues, but it might help with time to store/sell furniture. Could you phone Shelter for advice? They are great, and experts in housing law: 0808 800 4444 england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/how_we_can_help/housing_advice_helpline

JuliaScurr · 03/05/2012 19:31

I'm going to call you Charlie because you're a human being, a mother in a very tough situation. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. B&B will be difficult, but you will get rehoused at the end. Is moving to another area an option? You shouldn't have to, but it might be easier? Is there a church tha could store your stuff at short notice? Can you store anything now and manage without until you move?
Sorry you're going through this,
Good luck

LadyWithEDS · 03/05/2012 19:35

YANBU. It sounds like you have been given loads of good advice, I wish you the best of luck.

neuroticmumof3 · 03/05/2012 19:36

YANBU, living in temp accommodation with children is a nightmare. I didn't think local authorities were supposed to use B&B for families anymore, what have Shelter said?

seefooddiet · 03/05/2012 19:41

B&Bs are not all hell holes

I stayed in one a few years ago, there was a fridge with the small freezer compartment, microwave, tv, kettle and sink in the room

Downstairs was a communal living room and fully equipped kitchen to use, I never saw another person the whole time I was there, which was only 13 days

My LA had a policy whereby if you were homeless you would only be in homeless accommodation for 6 weeks max before the housed you, may be worth asking your LA on their policy as I found it a lot easier knowing I was there for max 42 days

Go into this with an open mind, the outcome is totally worth the process

good luck!

Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 19:42

Thanks for being gentle :)

I have a section 21 notice. Have shown all the documents.

He doesn't have to give a reason for notice and as far as the council are concerned, if I walk away before being legally evicted I'm intentionally leaving my home.

I have spoken to shelter who explained the process. I can and will take the notice to evict to them but the council are not obliged to help until the eviction is final. I know the bailiffs won't be hammering down the door. I will be given a date and time luckily.

I know it's ashore term hell. But it's scary to feel like I have so little control over keeping my babies housed :(

I had heard that about not being allowed to stay in some places during the day. I forgot to ask and was hoping I was a bit of a myth :(

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 03/05/2012 19:44

YANBU at all Charlie (can't call you the c word!). It's all a pretty crappy situation and there's no way any decent person would condemn you for being worried and concerned in the circumstances.

I was homeless for a period during childhood but luckily (as much as any degree of homelessness can be regarded as lucky) we were put into a decent homeless hostel rather than having to be in a B&B.

I wish I had something helpful to say, but I just wanted to give you some support more than anything.

Thinking of you. x

Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 19:46

My LA have a 6 month policy but the lady today said they really strive to stick to it but it's not always possible. I will also not be given the choice of where we will be housed if it's approaching that time. I understand this and I know I can't complain as at least I will be out of the temp. Housing but I'd like to have a bit I a say at least :(

I just hate that we are in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 19:48

Thanks guys.

I feel a bit U as I'm not going to end up on the street.

OP posts:
InAnyOtherSoil · 03/05/2012 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tabliope · 03/05/2012 19:57

Wish I had some practical advise to give you. I think Shelter would be the best place for advice although the advice on here is actually good too. In Wales there is something called CanDo Lettings - it's been set up as some kind of guarantor between people on benefits and private housing - landlords who would not otherwise let to those on benefits. Have you checked to see if there is something similar in your area? All the very best. I hope you get it sorted out soon. Perhaps speak to your MP too for advice. It'll make your name known to him/her and they might be able to offer some help.

nailak · 03/05/2012 19:57

emergency accomodation is not always b&bs, sometimes you will be in bedsits or one bed self contained flats etc.

InAnyOtherSoil · 03/05/2012 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seefooddiet · 03/05/2012 19:58

My experience was before bidding was available, so nowadays there are two avenues for getting a home

I also wasnt given a choice of where to be homed, you had to accept the one you were given or you got nothing

You may get a rubbish area but you can homeswap out

You are allowed to be worried/anxious/scared about your situation, so YANBU

Take comfort in the knowledge that in 9 months ish you will have your own place that no-one can take from you, unless you dont pay your rent ofcourse!

AceOfBase · 03/05/2012 20:01

When I was pg with dd (also had baby ds who was 5 months) we were in homeless accommodation. The first b&b was horrendous but thankfully it was only for 3 weeks. The second was sort of bedsit type thing with own bathroom and kitchenette thingy and it wasn't half bad really. It was a bit shit having to stay in one room all the time but we cooed ok and after a few months we got a "scatter" house which is like a proper house fully furnished but temporary before you get your permanent house. This was four years ago. We now live in our own self built house so it really does get better. And being homeless, although its not exactly fun, is not that bad.you CAN and WILL get through this.

StateofConfusion · 03/05/2012 20:02

I did it with two children, they were 2 and 3, we were there over 6mnths and it wasn't awful at all, tiring but not awful.

We had a lovely large room and en suite, a downstairs living room with freeview tv, kitchen we could use and a garden too, however the bnb owner was lovely. We were lucky I realise but there are ways of coping. Please feel free to pm me if you want to ask anything. Xx

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 03/05/2012 20:02

Would you consider moving? Round here (north east coast) there are private rental and social housing houses to be had, and I think rents are much lower than they are in the south. Is there anything to keep you where you are? you and the children could make a completely new start in a new town maybe - it might be worth considering...

Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 20:05

Ok, I've decided that I need to be pro active.

I need good tips for B&B living. I need to make a list about this control freak

So far I have:

One flexi tub each for toys/books/crap. If it doesn't fit in the tub it doesn't go.

8 days of clothes each. I plan to wash once a week at the laundrette (hopefully one locally)

We have a small tv with built in DVD player so if we can take this I will let them pick a few DVDs to take.

One cup, plate, bowl and set of cutlery if we're allowed to eat in the room. Plus a couple of Tupperware pots. Will depend if I'm allowed to bring a microwave which I'll buy once we are in there.

I don't know what else. I'm now caught in a 'what can I cook' mindset!

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 20:12

Lots of positive x-posts thanks.

I wasn't told about bedsits etc at the council so I'm hoping that was just something she forgot to mention.

PomBear. I've considered it I really have. But my mum is disabled and I really value being close to my siblings because I'm on my own with the two kids so feel they need their extended family :(

I'm happy to be housed further out if needs be. This is a busy city and I know I won't be housed in a prime location which is fine. I'm not expecting a penthouse apartment I'd never reach the cobwebs with high ceilings!

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 20:16

Tabliope- I will look around for local schemes. I know there is a deposit one but finding a LL to accept us first is the hard part it seems. Thanks for the info though :)

OP posts:
administrator · 03/05/2012 20:21

I did it. My DD's were 1 & 4 and we ended up in one room in a B&B for 8 weeks. We treated it as one big adventure and it wasn't too bad at all. I put everything in storage & just took one case of clothes for us all. We had a TV and the owners were lovely. They were actually quite taken with the girls & cooked them a full English every morning! I took them out a lot and we spent a lot of quality time together. In a way, a lot of day-to-day duties were redundant so it wasn't as stressful as I expected.
Good luck, I hope it all goes OK for you. Smile