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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking that living in a B&B with two kids is going to be a nightmare?

209 replies

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 03/05/2012 19:21

I know I'm being unreasonable. I know there are people is worse situations but I need to get all of this out in the hope I'll sleep tonight if I offload and maybe even hear something positive from people who have done it before.

I have posted before under a different name (AllShiney) but this name better matches my mood :)

The gist is that I was served notice. I now have 18 days left and I still have not found anywhere to go. It's a combination of private rents being too high, no one taking people who recieve housing benefit, not having a UK based gaurentaur.

I have rung over 100 agencies. I have been in touch with shelter and a local housing charity. It's hopeless :(

I'm on the council list and bidding but I am low band only in need of an extra bedroom as per their assessment at the moment. They have advised that if I leave when my notice is over I am making myself intentionally homeless and they will not prioritise our needs. I basically have to stay and be evicted through the court before I am a priority.

Then I will 'most definately' be put into temporary accommodation which would be a B&B. They 'might' be able to offer me storage for my belongings at a reduced rate. However, they won't know this for certain until the day I approach them with my homeless application. That is the day that the bailiffs will evict me so I would have to leave the furniture behind as opposed to selling it if I had some notice.

Please don't get me wrong, I am gratefull we won't be on the streets but the whole situation is so stressful :(

I have an 11 yo and a 3 yo. The thought of staying in one room for months is daunting. I'm just visualising me sat in the dark from 8pm. Not even sure I'll have MN as I won't have my WiFi.

Also, the council women today said they will try to pu me in a food friendly b&b. When I asked what that meant she said some of the places they use don't allow any hit food in the room. You have to eat out for every meal. I was hoping I could pickup a cheap microwave and use that :(

It's going to be hell isn't it?

OP posts:

maristella · 05/05/2012 23:33

Charlie did you have a thread about this a couple of months ago if that?

Really sorry to hear you're in this position, but as others have said, your positivity will see you through :)

I've had a few random ideas. If you only have a kettle in your room, cous cous would be really easy to make as it just sits in boiled water for 10 mins. Cheap and easy with a tin of fish and handful of salad. Another kitchen free meal is bread with cheese or meat with fruit - yum!
Also try to get yourself a door wedge so that you feel really safe at night.
You might want to take your own bedding, so that it smells like it is yours IYKWIM? A few drops of lavender oil under your pillows to be continued into the new place will help you all settle too.

On a positive note, think of the reduced housework, and think of all the extra sleep you can have so that you don't disturb your DD's :) If you struggle to sleep you could get a reading lamp and enjoy a stack of books in this time.

Wishing you well x

Original poster

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 05/05/2012 23:50

I did maristella. I was AllShiney then. It was about everything happening at once though. Not just the b&b stuff.

Thanks for the random tips :)

We love cous cous and I'd not thought of that. And the door wedge is a good idea too.

The less housework is an important point to make! I won't miss that :)

OP posts:

Original poster

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 05/05/2012 23:53

Threeleftfeet, thank you for your post. I'm going to check into the timings of the noticed being served versus the bailiffs being here. I was told it will be by appointment and they are usually very considerate in this type of situation.

OP posts:

Gumby · 05/05/2012 23:56

Sorry if has already been said but couldn't you stay with your mum or siblings at least until uni is done and hopefully you're in a bettr position to earn

sashh · 06/05/2012 00:11

Charlie

So sorry you are in the situation you are in. hugs

emdelafield · 06/05/2012 00:22

I just want to say how much I admire your positive attitude. I think you are a shining example of making the best out of adversity.

Your love for your children is so apparent .No matter where you are living you are a marvellous mother.

You are clearly a capable person and I think you will actually feel better when "the worst" has happened and then you can deal with it rather than worry about it.

It sounds like you will be able to protect your children from any hardships and I really hope you get some RL support to keep your own morale high.

Please let us know how you get on.

TheSockPuppet · 06/05/2012 00:36

maristella, I didn't have a fridge in my room in the b&b and it was a nice b&b we were in - if the op was in a similar b&b then she couldn't keep ham, cheese etc chilled.

TheSockPuppet · 06/05/2012 00:38

And a door wedge would be seen as a fire hazard and she may be asked not to use it too :(

emdelafield · 06/05/2012 00:48

Me again. Just read the bit about the wait for surgery. Don't know if this would fit with your circumstances but an NHS friend told me it was worth asking about cancellations. Apparently people opt out of surgery at a fairly advanced stage.

If you let the hospital know you might be available at short notice perhaps you could have the surgery done more quickly.

maristella · 06/05/2012 00:51

I was thinking that you can get all you need from the deli counter and eat it that day.

And the door wedge might be something to be kept from staff, at least until OP gets to know them!

Charlie I thought it was you :) Glad to hear you being much more upbeat, keep that up, you'll be ok

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 06/05/2012 01:07

Charlie so sorry you're having this stress...I also want to give a "good B&B" tale...my friend had to stay in one for a month with her 2 DS's and it was fine! The room was clean and because it was an older house, it was also a big room.

could you perhaps store some of your smaller things at a friends now? Bedding too....partially move out I mean so as to make the whole eviction a bit easier? Maybe sell some furniture too?.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 06/05/2012 01:09

You could have a toastie machine in your room? Then you can have a hot snack/meal kind of thing with ease....toasted cheese sandwiches...ham...tuna...with salad and crisps is nice! Beans if you like them on a toastie...I do!

Original poster

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 06/05/2012 07:33

Shedding a few tears this morning at the kindness I've been shown here. It's completely fulfilled my faith In human kindness :)

Gumby - my siblings and mum just don't have the room sadly :( It would be fine for me to sleep on the couch but there's no where for the kIds and they live to far out for DDs school really.

Emeldafield - thank you so much. It really is nice to be told that at a time when you feel you're failing to meet one of the most basic needs you should be providing for your children.

I never thought of the fire hazard with the door wedge. Maybe if the place isn't so nice I'll look at getting one as a last resort if we feel unsafe.

Sashh - Thank you :). I'll gladly take all hugs on offer and thank you for your wonderful pm.

Thecornerhouse ! A toastie maker! I hadn't thought of that, I have one in the cupboard so will bare that in mind if we are allowed appliances. The kids love toasties !

OP posts:

Original poster

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 06/05/2012 07:42

Sorry I meant Thehouseonthecorner :)

I've been selling off a few things and have packed up stuff we don't use like books etc so might see if I can get rid of the odd box here and there to make it less work come moving day.

The Facebook sellin idea someone suggested earlier has been good. I've found a few local pages and have sold a fair bit so huge thanks to who offered that :)

OP posts:

FartBlossom · 06/05/2012 08:56

Ive not read the whole thread Im afraid so apologies if Ive repeated anything.

Firstly Im actually surprised that you are not in a highish band since you have actually been served some eviction papers. As to having to stay put until you are physically removed I think this is normal procedure ATM. Thats what the counils are having to do now there are more people than houses. I know a couple of people who were private renting and were giving their notice simply due to the economic downturn and the landlords wanted their house back to either sell it or to live in it. They were put in gold band and found something within a month of bidding. It would get to emergency once they had been physically removed, but it didnt get that far. Obviously different councils are different, though I do wonder if they try to do everything in their power not to give you a house simply because there is too many people. Have you appealed against your band rating? Have you argued and sent the proof of your eviction? I assume you have, but just wanted to check.

I personally think that the whole B&B thing is the worst case scenario and that it may happen, but it may not. Good on you for prepareing for the worst though.

Good luck over the next few days/weeks and I hope you get somewhere that isnt a B&B and dont feel bad about it these things happen and it isnt nice, I certainly wouldn't. Yes its not a cardboard box under a tunnel, but its not far off.

Again sorry if Ive repeated anything. Just want to offer my support and wishes to you OP.

Victoria3012 · 06/05/2012 09:29

Good Morning Charlie, I've been thinking about you last night / this morning.. You are a tower of strengh and I know that whatever happens you will come out the other side. This time next year you will look back on this situation and wonder how the hell you got through it but you will, you'll be in a lovely, secure home and you'll be amazed and proud of your determination and strengh. I can't tell you how much im rooting for you. Keep posting and when your feeling down know that many people are behind you and wishing you well. Big Sunday hugs sent your way xx

FrothyOM · 06/05/2012 09:43

OP keep posting if you need to chat, I have put this on my watch list.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 06/05/2012 09:54

can I suggest also that you speak to your doctor about getting a letter to support your being moved to the highest band? My friend had some terrible stress when she was in a similar position and her female GP was lovely and wrote a stiff letter to the housing dept about her...she suggested that the stress was affecitng her bady and she needed to be made priority.

The facebook selling is brilliant...so easy...I just got a new fishtank on our local one and my sister sells lots on there...she says the trick is to prive lots of things quite low....so things that are just a pound or two will go quickly and the cash mounts up.

TheSockPuppet · 06/05/2012 10:13

Is it quite hard to get housing in your area op? Do you think the council may try and move you to a not so nice area where more housing is available? My local authority try and do this, get supporting letters from the school and nursery to make sure the council don't offer you a place in a more deprived area where the children would need to move school/nursery.

Here you get 3 offers of housing unless you are a priority then you get one choice and you have to take it no matter how bad the area is or how far away it is either, so try and get all your supporting evidence in first :)

Also, if it makes you feel better, our LA send any vulnerable families (lone parents etc) to the premier in and I had a lock on my door too :)

threeleftfeet · 06/05/2012 11:07

cushionyet what the OP describes is how it works in my area also (Hackney), it was Shelter who explained it to me, I have a friend in exactly the same position as the OP. (Took about 3 hours to get through to them! Guessing they're in big demand atm )

If there's a chance that advice might be wrong my friend would be very interested to hear it as she's had the section 21 and is stuck waiting for the court process to take its course.

threeleftfeet · 06/05/2012 11:10

Charlie on the cooking front you might find this book useful Cooking in a bedsitter

It's a classic. It was first published in the 60s and an updated version printed more recently. My parents bought it for me when I left home. It's full of tips for how to cook with a limited kitchen, and it's well written, a good read.

JuliaScurr · 06/05/2012 15:06

yy three it's a good book
Charlie Hope you're OK
DEFINITELY contact Uni and explain, write with supporting info etc. I worked in Uni Admissions and you would have got a deferral from us so good luck

Original poster

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 06/05/2012 15:52

Good book three! Thanks for the suggestion.

I've had a bit of very rare time to myself and I've got loads done! It feels like there is at least a bit ticked off the list :)

Just putting my feet up before the kids descend. Made some money on eBay and Facebook today. Everything I make from the clear out will be put in the jar. I'm hoping to save it so that I have some money for furniture etc in the new place.

I've really appreciated the help :)

OP posts:

sincitylover · 06/05/2012 17:10

I'm pleased that I clicked on your thread Charlie because I am potentially in the same situation although have a bit longer to go til I am meant to leave.

My LA have told me that they won't see me for housing advice until I have an eviction notice (an in order to get an appt you have to get there at 8am and queue for a filtering appointment). They've also told me they can't give me a bond for deposit as the landlord is holding it. But I'm not going to get that back until I've left and if I withold rent would I then be classified as intentionally homeless.

Also I have had conflicting advice from Shelter who are brilliant btw they told me when I first rang them to ask my ll for an eviction notice (all he has given me is an email) but when I rang them to confirm the person I spoke to told me that I may be considered as intentionally homeless if I have asked him to evict me.

It may be that I will be able to find something in time (but it will probably go to the wire) but rents in this area have rocketed.

I could ask my parents for a deposit but I am really finding this very difficult to ask them due pride I suppose combined with not having the best relationship with them.

I feel like you Charlie that I have let my dcs down badly. Mine are slightly older than yours.

I am also totally stressed out by this and can't believe it has come to this.

It seems that the LAs will do anything to get out of their responsibilities and I am so worried that I will unwittingly do something that means they will classify me as intentionally homeless.

Sorry to hijack but does anyone have any advice as to whether I should ask my ll to evict me. Or perhaps just say he has not followed the correct procedure.

I am going to ring Shelter again for some more clarification.

I do work full time but my credit history is rocky.