Cafe Rouge staff, was he rude?

[LadyWithEDS]

I was having a meal with my dd, I am 24 years older than her. We finished our main and asked for the dessert menu, he said oh are you two sisters? I said it is obvious we are not and laughed along with him, though I felt stabby towards him on dd's behalf and left no tip in the end and I am a good tipper, I even put it down in cash rather than added to the card to make sure that the tip goes direct to who ever served me.

I always think it is really insulting when people who want business or tips do this to the daughter, it makes my skin crawl. I used to get that from people like that when I was young, who were flattering my Mum and she would go on and on to anyone who would listen how everyone thought we were sisters, she is 30 years older than me.

so AIBU? was he just after a tip and didn't care if he upset my dd or do people really think that two women together with a huge age gap, they they are sisters rather than Mother and Daughter?

You're over-reacting. He was trying to be pleasant and raise a smile, yes probably hoping for a tip! But no, not rude. I think your past issues with your mum are clouding your perception.

I would think your DD is intelligent enough to know it was intended as a compliment to you (albeit a cheesy one) rather than an insult to her

AYBU? You're massively over-reacting, over-thinking and getting yourself in a bate over bugger all. Try doing his job and see how long it takes you to work out that a few cheesy words can sometimes double your chances of a tip.

I agree with Jade & Worra.

Why would this upset your DD? Mine would just have a golden snurkle about it.

Insult, not upset.

Obvis.

YABU. It was designed as a compliment to you rather than an insult to her.

He obviously thought you needed the compliment more because you are old

As concisely put as ever Lentilly

I agree with all of the above - as the DD, I would not be insulted at all.
It's clearly meant as a compliment to the older lady, not an insult to the younger.
It's also, almost always, total bullshit, that all can see through but smile at nonetheless.

Jeezus.
Is this really an issue?

Get over yourself.

Cafe Rouge ties to recreate the genuine French bistro experience, complete with rude waiters - and he failed. That wasn't rude at all, he was paying you a compliment. I doubt your daughter was upset in the slightest.

There's no pleasing some folk. He was giving you a compliment ffs.

No

Agree it's meant as a compliment and if your 24 year old has taken offence it's because you've not explained what jokes and idol waiter chatter is.

Major major overreaction!

Yes, YABU. Massive overreaction. It makes your skin crawl?! Wow.

Is this a stealth boast that you look 20 years younger than you are? Or are you just saying your daughter has had a shit life?

My mum's sister was 20 years older than her. It can happen! In their case though they were often mistaken for mother and daughter.

I don't know if it's still the case, but Cafe Rouge are notoriously bad payers who expect their staff to earn the bulk of their salaries through tips. They used to be well known for paying below minimum wage, but I think this has been stopped. Perhaps the waiter really needed the cash and was clumsily trying too hard.

Never felt compelled to give one before, but, there you are.

Laurie, I don't have a 24 year old.

Thanks for your points of view.

Don't be so ridiculous! This used to happen to my mother and I all the time and I never took offence.

Yeah, cos that's the important part

How old is she then?

Go in with your DH next time

When the waiter says "Wow, you two must be Sisters"

Then come back and start a thread

OP, you are ridiculous.

HTH