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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cafe Rouge staff, was he rude?

102 replies

LadyWithEDS · 03/05/2012 18:33

I was having a meal with my dd, I am 24 years older than her. We finished our main and asked for the dessert menu, he said oh are you two sisters? I said it is obvious we are not and laughed along with him, though I felt stabby towards him on dd's behalf and left no tip in the end and I am a good tipper, I even put it down in cash rather than added to the card to make sure that the tip goes direct to who ever served me.

I always think it is really insulting when people who want business or tips do this to the daughter, it makes my skin crawl. I used to get that from people like that when I was young, who were flattering my Mum and she would go on and on to anyone who would listen how everyone thought we were sisters, she is 30 years older than me.

so AIBU? was he just after a tip and didn't care if he upset my dd or do people really think that two women together with a huge age gap, they they are sisters rather than Mother and Daughter?

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 03/05/2012 19:20

Hmm. Weird if she's 2 and you're 26. How old is she?

GettinTrimmer · 03/05/2012 19:20

I have to say I felt a bit miffed when I was asked if I am ds's grandma. I look young for my age so obviously a short-sighted person who said that!

Was your dd bothered by the comment?

RatDesPaquerettes · 03/05/2012 19:23

Last year, a female friend of my brother's asked him whether I was his Mum. My brother is 3 years' older than me and looks a bit like George Clooney. I would have had to look 70 for this mother-son relationship to be half-credible.

I was seriously unimpressed. I was even Angry. I think maybe she was trying to put me down as she did not know who I was and she might have had designs on my brother. Still... she was rude!

Your waiter was not rude. Your not leaving a tip was petty and misguided.

Goldenbear · 03/05/2012 19:27

Are you sure you're one of life's generous tippers or are you really someone who is a bit miserly, finds it difficult to admit to yourself and will find any and I mean ANY (your post above) justification to avoid the extra?

scottishmummy · 03/05/2012 19:27

what a disproportionate overreaction
he was pattering you up
not expecting it to be perceived as a major faux pas, resulting in your indignation

Original poster
LadyWithEDS · 03/05/2012 19:30

Golden, no, I am not a miser, their faces light up at other places we go to, as they know I tip well and I put down cash. I also got to know one waitress so well she came along to a social group thing with me, after we had gotten to know each other and chatting. It was interesting to hear the constructive feedback.

OP posts:
Bue · 03/05/2012 19:44

A woman at a party once asked my mother and me if we were sisters. At the time I was 17 and she was 47 Confused Still one of the most baffling moments of my life! My mother LOVED it though!

youarekidding · 03/05/2012 19:49

People use to mistake me and my Ex-MIL/ ExSIL for sisters! She is only 17 years older than me (had her DS young) and her DD is 5 years younger than me. We all look very alike. She was late 30's me early 20's, I sure as it is hard to tell at times between people who are 20's/30's people genuinley didn't know. I was never offended - and she certainly wasn't Grin

CurrySpice · 03/05/2012 19:49

You sound like a super lunch companion OP you miserable bugger

SauvignonBlanche · 03/05/2012 19:51

How old is your DD, OP??

youarekidding · 03/05/2012 19:51

Grin @ picnic

MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 03/05/2012 19:54

Sweet Jesus OP, get a bloody grip!

curiositykitten · 03/05/2012 19:54

Are you butthurt because you didn't feel the right amount of face-lighting from this specific lowly waiter?

I'm confused as to how the compliment came about:

"Hi, was everything ok with your meal?"
"Yes, it was lovely. Can we see the dessert menu please?"
"Dessert? Really? Oh, you two must be sisters!!"

confused

bringbacksideburns · 03/05/2012 19:56

Yes. YABU.

Give the guy a break - he was probably just trying to be pleasant, or even, god forbid, paying you a compliment. 24 years is not a huge age gap if you are in pretty good nick and look younger.
If your dd was upset over this she clearly takes things far too seriously, just like yourself!

Original poster
LadyWithEDS · 03/05/2012 20:06

14

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/05/2012 20:07
StateofConfusion · 03/05/2012 20:15

Over reaction.

There's 17yrs between me and my sister, 20 between me and my brother.

Get over it.

yousankmybattleship · 03/05/2012 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

slowestwildebeast · 03/05/2012 20:27

"their faces light up at other places we go to, as they know I tip well and I put down cash".

This one won't light up poor chap. My face lit up reading this so thanks OP :)

neolara · 03/05/2012 20:27

Blimey. Personally, I think you may be over-reacting ever so slightly. In any case, what the waiter said was a lot better than was said to me a few months ago. with a friend who is four years younger than me and out two toddlers. "Ah, how lovely - three generations out for lunch" said the waitress. Now that is something to throw myself under a bus about. And cry. And make me get my hair dyed for the first time in my life.

G1nger · 03/05/2012 20:29

I once mistook a mother and son for colleagues of around the same age. She really did look after herself.

Salmotrutta · 03/05/2012 20:36

Is this real?

Are you often offended OP?

curiositykitten · 03/05/2012 20:37

She's 14 and you're 38?

Either you've been under the knife/botox, or she's got a drink/drugs/sunbed/cigarette addiction.

Salmotrutta · 03/05/2012 20:38

I love that bit about faces lighting up.

SauvignonBlanche · 03/05/2012 20:39

Or he was buttering you up - without success, obviously.