Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cafe Rouge staff, was he rude?

102 replies

LadyWithEDS · 03/05/2012 18:33

I was having a meal with my dd, I am 24 years older than her. We finished our main and asked for the dessert menu, he said oh are you two sisters? I said it is obvious we are not and laughed along with him, though I felt stabby towards him on dd's behalf and left no tip in the end and I am a good tipper, I even put it down in cash rather than added to the card to make sure that the tip goes direct to who ever served me.

I always think it is really insulting when people who want business or tips do this to the daughter, it makes my skin crawl. I used to get that from people like that when I was young, who were flattering my Mum and she would go on and on to anyone who would listen how everyone thought we were sisters, she is 30 years older than me.

so AIBU? was he just after a tip and didn't care if he upset my dd or do people really think that two women together with a huge age gap, they they are sisters rather than Mother and Daughter?

OP posts:
Hebiegebies · 03/05/2012 20:42

You could be sisters, so why make such a fuss. My eldest dd is 30, another is not yet 10

So is a 21 year age gap that different from 24 years?

DPrince · 03/05/2012 21:16

For god sake get a grip. If your dd was offended by what was meant to be compliment to you, she needs to get a grip to. Also its not beyond the realms of possibility that you could be sisters. My friend is 32 and has a 7 year old sister. so that's 25 years. Would either if you been offend if you actually were sisters?

diddl · 03/05/2012 21:19

Of course it´s possible for their to be such an age gap.

But it is usually said to imply that a mother looks young, isn´t it?

diddl · 03/05/2012 21:19

there, not theirBlush

Shutupanddrive · 03/05/2012 21:51
Grin Yabu, get a grip
Pinkjenny · 03/05/2012 21:53

People do this with me and my Mum all the time.
Someone said to me once, 'you look like her mother!' My mum was horrified.

It has honestly never occurred to me to be offended.

my2centsis · 03/05/2012 21:57

Agree with everything tantrums said

Joiningthegang · 03/05/2012 22:03

Worra - but funnier if he asks if you are brothers

marathonrunner · 03/05/2012 22:08

I always get mistaken for my son's sister. When out with my mum, people often assume that we are both her children. A memorable occasion was when I paid for my son to go on a bouncy castle and the man asked if his "sister" would like to go on it too Blush

I don't take offence though and neither should you. I just laugh Grin

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 03/05/2012 22:13

Yanbu.That is the tackiest way of schmoozing....I hate it. Patronizing to both women.

MrsWembley · 03/05/2012 22:46

So, OP, what do you think? You asked the question, you've read the replies...

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 03/05/2012 22:56

I agree with the OP. SHe says it's OBVIOUS they're not sisters...she should know! If so then it's a trite and tacky way of flattering someone as it's a lie!

gafhyb · 04/05/2012 15:44

Trite and tacky - maybe?

Rude? No!

Some people must be bloody miserable if they interpret friendly overtures as rudeness

Lottapianos · 04/05/2012 15:50

'Get a grip' - what a helpful thing to say to someone Hmm

OP, I think you have had a crappy time on this thread. OK, it's not the worst thing that's ever happened in the history of the world but that doesn't mean you're not entitled to your own feelings about what happened. I wish people would naff off with their 'jeez, is that all you have to worry about????' nonsense.

I wouldn't call it rudeness exactly but I would have found it creepy and inappropriate if a waiter made a similar comment to me. There are ways of being polite and friendly without being inappropriate.

So I may be your first but.... YANBU!

Smile
porcamiseria · 04/05/2012 15:56

take
a
chill
pill
x

outyougo · 04/05/2012 16:04

How is it obvious that you are not sisters Confused.

ime tots of teen girls look a few years older than they are and lots of mothers of teen girls look a few years younger. You know that there is 24 years between you (hardly outside the realms of possibility for sisters anyway) but you might only look 15 years apart.

Even if it a cheesing tip grabbing 'compliment', he hasn't really 'done' anything to your dd.

HecateTrivia · 04/05/2012 16:09

Why did you interpret it as a criticism of her rather than a complement to you?

He wasn't saying she looked old like you, he was saying YOU looked young like her.

I mean, it's always a load of flannel when someone says that Grin and there isn't actually anything wrong with looking old anyway (bloody youth obsessed culture Angry ) but they are lying saying that the older person looks as young as the younger person.

There was no insult to your daughter and it's baffling that instead of seeing that he was saying you looked young, you saw an insult to your daughter. Did you think he was saying she looked old? Because I can guarantee he wasn't.

katykuns · 04/05/2012 16:31

Poor OP... think she got the message :/

Original poster
LadyWithEDS · 04/05/2012 16:32

Lota, I didn't take the silly responses personally, if only the incident was the only thing I have to worry about in life. Cafe rouge was a very minor thing in my life, I just wanted some feedback on the incident, I just read past the nonsense posts they didn't bother me, it says more about the person posting the nasty comments than it does me so why should it bother me.

OP posts:
VodkaJelly · 04/05/2012 16:33

YABU, he was being nice and friendly.

My mum was looking after my DC a few years ago and she was in the supermarket and was mistaken for their mother. DC's fell about laughing and said it was granny not mummy and the cashier was really suprised. My mum went on about it for days.

My friend had her son young (he is now 22) and she has really looked after herself and sometimes in shops they are mistaken for a couple. The son is mortified and my friend was forever known as Mrs Robinson

everlong · 04/05/2012 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeriatricBabyMama · 04/05/2012 17:13

I agree with the OP. SHe says it's OBVIOUS they're not sisters...she should know! If so then it's a trite and tacky way of flattering someone as it's a lie!

Same here, it's not rude as such but it is cheesy and patronising. If I was OP I'd be insulted that he thought I was stupid and vain enough to be flattered by such an obvious lie!

I really hate it when I go somewhere with my mum and the waiter tries to charm us by addressing us as "ladies" or worse, "girls". Eurgh. No need for that patronising, faux charming condescension.

knowitallstrikesagain · 04/05/2012 19:28

Do you also get angry with anyone who ever says you look nice/they like your dress/your new haircut is flattering? Because I hate to break it to you, but they may be lying as well Wink

HecateTrivia · 05/05/2012 09:34

I agree with you, Geriatric. It is cringy. And they think they can smarm their way into a big tip by saying ohhh, you look like a young girl, and you're supposed to giggle into your hands and flutter your eyelashes Hmm

But it's still a 'compliment' to the older person and not an insult to the younger person. That's the point. They weren't saying to the daughter that she looks as old as her mum.

They were lying that the mum looks as young as the daughter.

And we're supposed to grin and giggle and flutter our fans in front of our faces.

BeingFluffy · 05/05/2012 10:03

It is mildly irritating but he got his punishment via the tip! It fucking pisses me off every time I buy alcohol via the self service checkout and the shop assistant has to come over they say are you really over 18 ha ha ha! Yes fuck off you can see I am an adult woman in my forties!