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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in shock four hour later

490 replies

Rhinosaurus · 01/05/2012 11:17

This morning, my son - the 15 year old

........ who cannot get out of bed.
........who misses two school buses a week because he gets out of bed at 0750 (bus leaves at 0800).
........who sits on the sofa and stuffs food wrappers down the side rather than walk across the room to the bin.
.........who goes to put something in the dishwasher, but when he sees it is full of clean stuff having just finished its cycle, stacks plates and cups up on the worktop waiting for someone else to empty it.
.........who puts clean clothes in the laundry basket rather than fold them up and put them away.

was downstairs in the kitchen today, dressed in school uniform, at 0730, emptying the dishwasher with a cup of tea made for me on the table.....
ConfusedShockConfusedShockConfusedShockConfusedShock

Is he on drugs?

Is there a major unreasonable request coming up, requiring girding of the loins......

Help!

OP posts:
BrainSurgeon · 03/05/2012 22:14

that was worth the wait. Give your 'Kevin' a hug for us if you can.... And perhaps tell him that he'd be surprised how may people are thinking of Dave and wishing him well right now.

amillionyears · 03/05/2012 22:28

Everything BrainSurgeon said.And to give all this a bit of balance, I used to visit a Special Needs Residential Placement quite often,and from what I could see, there were a lot of very caring staff working there.And it was quite like Tracey Beaker.I hope Dave also meets caring staff, and well done to Kevin, and you ,for bringing Kevin up like this.

edam · 03/05/2012 22:33

Oh wow Rhino, what an absolute star your son is. That's got me quite choked up. Poor Dave - I do hope SS let him spend time with his lovely, lovely friends.

AndiMac · 03/05/2012 22:43

I'd like to compliment Rhinosaurus on her excellent spider senses for knowing something was up and snooping around enough to spot Dave before the PCSO called.

I'm sure I would have tried to just appreciate the change to niceness and gone around, fingers in my ears, singing, "Nothing's wrong, this is all perfectly natural, my excellent parenting is finally coming to fruition, lalalalala, I can't hear you".

MrsMuddyPuddles · 03/05/2012 23:51

Bless. Hope Dave is ok in his new "home"

rockinhippy · 03/05/2012 23:54

Aww, what a lovely story & what an absolute star your DS is :)

poor "Dave" though :( with parents like that, but he's lucked out in other ways with such good mates, you should be very proud of your DS :)

TastesLikePanda · 04/05/2012 00:08

Must be a bit dusty in here... I have something in my eye...

finnbarr · 04/05/2012 00:29

How lovely of your Kevin Smile
So sad about Dave Sad and you must be really proud that Kevin and his friends looked after him as best they could

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 04/05/2012 07:44

Oh I agree with all who say this is far more exciting than up duffed/tattoo/festival scenario. In an ideal world Kev would have told you what was going on, but loyalty to friends and thinking they can sort it out shows a maturity albeit a little misguided.

What a lovely group of friends your Kevin has and I am so sorry that Dave was in that situation. I agree, some people just dont parent well and neglect is rife.
Poor Dave, its been cold and peeing down almost continually in SE England, hope you live somewhere warmer and drier.
Sad

I hope Kevin continues appreciating you, hope Dave gets a nice placement home and the help he will need.

Made my eyes tear up.

IdontknowwhyIcare · 04/05/2012 07:53

What lovely boys. Everyone else has said what I could not express. Well done to the Kevins (I wonder if their mums spotted anything going on?) and good luck to Dave.

RabidAnchovy · 04/05/2012 07:54

Just caught up, what a lovely son you have there, you must be so proud of him.

Poor Dave, I hope he gets all the help he needs, his parents sound vile the pair of them.

helpyourself · 04/05/2012 07:58

I logged on all giggly Blush

What an inspirational boy Kevin is- you should feel very proud. Poor Dave.

Herrena · 04/05/2012 08:15

Poor Dave, but your son sounds like a star (and the others on the 'friend shifts' sound pretty good too).

That's redeemed my faith in adolescents :)

Original poster
Rhinosaurus · 04/05/2012 08:16

Back to making an appearance at 0755 to catch the 0800 bus today, eating toast on the way to the bus stop....

Don't be too sad, as I have seen this situation with Dave unfolding for the last three years since Kevin has known him, even a residential placement is better than with his parents - I have had moments of disbelief that SS have left him here when I have heard things that have happened - particularly as Dave's brother put himself into care some time ago.

Generally when in care SS ensure they leave them at the same school even if it is some distance away, so he should be able to keep in touch with his mates. There shouldn't be any problem getting him to visit for the odd weekend as I am a HCP and CRB checked etc. its just a matter of organising it though the home.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 04/05/2012 08:19

At least Dave has a stable environment now. And your family sounds lovely, chaotic and busy, but what teen house isnt? Grin

I am surprised (maybe shouldnt be) that SS would leave a child in a situation when a sibling has gone into care. That sounds bizarre.

Original poster
Rhinosaurus · 04/05/2012 08:23

Max, the brother went voluntarily into care, it had also been the older brother who was bearing the brunt of the dads temper. Dave had also previously refused to go into care. I have seen this happen quite a bit with SS when the children are older as they know there's not going to be much chance of a "nice" foster home for an older teen.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 04/05/2012 08:27

Your Kevin is a wonderful person :)

SoupDragon · 04/05/2012 08:27

And all the other Kevins involved.

MadAboutHotChoc · 04/05/2012 08:39

Wow, what a story - so sad and inspiring at the same time.

I have a soft spot for teenage boys - DS often has his friends round and they all are really lovely underneath their less than perfect exteriors. I know like your Kevin, they would try and help a friend in need. Dave's story made me weep - how lucky our our boys to have warm, safe and loving homes.

MadAboutHotChoc · 04/05/2012 08:40

*are our

Stellarforstar · 04/05/2012 08:40

Oh bless them. What a lovely group of friends.

PoohBearsHole · 04/05/2012 08:49

On a positive note, I wanted to say that there are some really great people out there who do foster teens. My wonderful work colleague some years ago came to our boss to ask for a reference and has been fosterting older teens solely since then Smile. He does a fab job and is one of the few that expects nothing in return - he never "boasts" about his success stories and only occasionally discusses the problems. I admire him immensely and it is just by chance that I know that he does this.

He also has a lovely set of older/left home teens and adults that still consider him and his family home.

WheresMyCow · 04/05/2012 08:57

Wow...that has got me all emotional, so I'm glad that I'm currently alone in the office!!

Poor 'Dave' Sad, I hope that things start to get better for him from now on.

You have a wonderful son, and I hope that my DS is just as thoughtful and caring when he reaches the teenage years only 11 and a half years to go Smile

CaptainHetty · 04/05/2012 09:04

Oh good lord hormonal pregnant woman alert... you have an utterly wonderful, caring and compassionate son, you should be very proud of him. I'm sure Dave is now getting the support he needs and he's lucky to have such a good friend in your boy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I can't eat my digestives and tea for crying. Thank fook I read this after the school run :o

PoohBearsHole · 04/05/2012 09:05

I have just re-read my post and I didn't mean that all fosterers expect something in return - what I meant to say was that he doesn't expect any sort of bigging himself up from us his colleagues, but it all came out wrong.

In short he and his family foster because they are nice people who want to help those having a harder time. I know that he and his wife have done wonderful work with both long and short term placements just by being themselves.

Sorry - won't hijack again Blush