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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not have a clue what I've done?

45 replies

Butterlicious · 30/04/2012 16:13

So, my friend's husband has decided out of the blue that he doesn't like me. No idea why. I've always got on fine with him and we've never had any cross words.

I noticed a few weeks ago that he had deleted me off face book and I didn't say anything or feel upset or bothered as I know some people only like to have close friends on their list. Now he's started ignoring me too when we bump into each other. My friend has said that he has now said I can't go round to their house and she can't come to my house, which has upset me. I asked her why and she said she doesn't know but he has just said he doesn't like me now.

I'm not bothered about him not liking me, I can live without him liking me, although it is a little hurtful that nothing at all has happened. I don't see him a great deal but we've always chatted. Now he just glares at me. I popped a birthday present round at the weekend for one of their children and he opened the door, saw it was me, shut the door in my face and then my friend came to answer the door.

So I don't think I am going to bother with either of them now. I wouldn't tolerate my DH being rude to one of my friends and I think she should stand up to him and tell him not to be rude to me. By saying nothing she is enabling his behaviour.

We are talking about a 40 year old grown man by the way, not a 15 year old.

OP posts:

cornflowers · 30/04/2012 16:16

I would wonder whether this has something to do with your friend tbh; something she has said to him about you.

NatashaBee · 30/04/2012 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 30/04/2012 16:17

He is having a torrid affair with a 19 yr old nymphet and last week, while he was out with her, desperately trying to be young and trendy, he saw someone who he thought was you, looking aghast at him dancing on the table in the posh wine bar in town. He is now terrified that "you" will tell his wife and is trying to cut you off before you do it...

CailinDana · 30/04/2012 16:18

I think you're right to cut the both of them out. I wouldn't put up with a friend letting her DH treat me like that.

Psammead · 30/04/2012 16:19

Utterly bizarre. Ask your friend why he has taken offense?

candytuft63 · 30/04/2012 16:20

YANBU what a prick.
I wouldnt bother with your friend, either. Surely she must know why he is behaving like this ?
I wonder what he thinks you have done ?
And you havent been given a (grown-up, reasonable) chance to explain or defend yourself.
You sound better off without both of them.

Original poster

Butterlicious · 30/04/2012 16:20

I did ask her Psammead but she said she doesn't know

OP posts:

sensuallettuce · 30/04/2012 16:21

I wouldn't have a lot of respect for someone who allowed their husbd to tell her what she is and isn't "allowed" to do

beachyhead · 30/04/2012 16:22

She must know, otherwise why would she just accept his 'ban'...

Original poster

Butterlicious · 30/04/2012 16:23

I think I'm going to have to cut the pair of them off. I can't say my husband is super-keen on every single friend I have, but he wouldn't ever be rude to any of my friends or ban them from the house as they are my friends and he respects me.

sensualllettuce there is that issue too. He is fairly controlling towards her but then makes out that he adores her. I think she is quite under the thumb with him to be honest, he is dictatorial.

OP posts:

cornflowers · 30/04/2012 16:23

Well I'd say she is lying about not knowing what it's about - unless they have a very odd sort of relationship. I wouldn't have anything more to do with either of them if I were you.

Psammead · 30/04/2012 16:25

She's blamed something on you, or he's had a mental breakdown of some sort.

Or he's just weird.

CrispyCod · 30/04/2012 16:26

Never mind asking your friend, confront the man himself! Lets see if he has the balls to tell you straight to your face what the problem is.

Your friend is a doormat if she allows herself to be 'forbidden' from seeing you.

sugarice · 30/04/2012 16:27

How odd. He sounds like a prat and she's under his thumb as you say. I wouldn't lose any sleep over them.

Original poster

Butterlicious · 30/04/2012 16:27

candytuft63 that's it, I'd prefer it if he would have said to me

"You have done X, Y and Z wrong"

and I could either have apologised if I'd done those things or decided to cut contact if I hadn't done those things.

It doesn't seem fair to just not tell me.

I don't mean to drip feed but I forgot to say that if I comment on any of her facebook statuses or photos, which I do a lot, he will write a comment under mine and it will either say

"poo"
"bollocks" or
"fuck"

So she might post a photo of their 1 year old son and I'll comment and say something like what a lovely picture and he'll just write that underneath my comment.

The more I write the more I'm thinking why the fuck do I bother with either of them

OP posts:

lisaro · 30/04/2012 16:31

It's probably due to him having an extremely small penis and trying to exert his lack of manliness by telling his wife what she can or can't do. And the silly bint is encouraging it by letting him. you're better off without either of them in your life.

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 30/04/2012 16:38

Is he abusive? Abusive men can be like that. I'd be worried for my friend tbh, her DH doesn't have the right to dictate who she can go and see and it's a big fat red flag that he is doing so.

BerryLellow · 30/04/2012 16:38

Yes, he's definitely a twat, and probably sees you as a threat to the control of his wife. Has she confided anything in you recently? Or do you think she might have used you as an excuse for something? To be honest he just sounds odd, esp the fb comments. How childish.

As someone else has said, my partner doesn't love all of my friends, nor I his, but we don't make it an issue.

Original poster

Butterlicious · 30/04/2012 16:43

I can't think of anything specific she's confided in me about, although we have been good friends for quite a while so have told each other lots. No big secrets or skeletons about him though.

They are both very much keeping up with the Joneses type of people so I don't know if perhaps he has decided that we are not good enough for them now. He won't let his daughter come over and play either and our daughters are friends at school, although my DD has said in recent months that their DD has been a bit funny with her and mean to her at times. Good job our girls are just friends rather than best buddies as I just tell DD to tell her not to be mean and to go and play with someone else.

OP posts:

plantsitter · 30/04/2012 16:44

Sounds like a weirdo quite frankly. I might be saying 'fine if you want our friendship to end. Call me if you ever need me though.' Hopefully she'll cometo her senses some time.

Debsbear · 30/04/2012 16:48

I think I'd confront him and ask what this is about and try to be there for your friend. Sounds like rather controlling behaviour and he may see you as a threat to that.

batteryhen · 30/04/2012 16:48

She must know more than she is letting on. Surely she wouldn't just accept his 'ruling' that he doesn't like you and therefore she can't see you?

I would challange him, however, I realise this isn't for everyone, and if you won't miss them in your life, then cut them off. He sounds like a twat anyway.

CalamityKate · 30/04/2012 16:51

There is absolutely no way he hasn't given her a reason for not liking you.

I'd ditch them both. No way on this EARTH I'd allow anyone to tell me what I could do and whom I could see. Also no way I'd put up with DP being rude to a friend of mine.

They're both twats. Get rid.

candytuft63 · 30/04/2012 16:51

Butter, they sound like one of those "funny families".
Every village has one.
I bet they have turned on loads of friends in the past.

Original poster

Butterlicious · 30/04/2012 16:52

I really don't think I want to challenge him. Not because I'm afraid of confrontation but he is quite a fiery, unreasonable man at times and has a lot of enemies. I think I'd rather let him get on with his hatred and dislike me all he wants rather than him turning up at the house wanting to punch my DH or throwing a brick through the window or something.

OP posts:

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