Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother-in-law moving in .....

91 replies

chloeameliasmummy · 30/04/2012 13:58

Me and my partner have just moved house, 1 month into living in our new house and I get told that his mother (my mother-in-law) and his teenage sister is moving into our house as his mother & father are splitting up. I am ok with them moving to get themselves sorted and find a new place but she has the idea that she is staying with us until Christmas!? am I being unreasonable by telling my partner that I don't want them here for longer than 2 months, and that I don't want their cats here as I am allergic to them. I just don't feel like we could afford 2 other people living in our home, when I have a 2 month old baby and me being diagnosed with post-natal depression.

Am I in fact out of order for putting my foot down?

OP posts:
DoBuggerOrf · 30/04/2012 14:01

No, your not. 2 months is generous. Especially with such as small baby. No cats, they can stay with your FIL until they have a new place, which will only be in 2 months time so no need to worry.

"MIL, I'd rather you left the cats with FIL until you have a new place. I'm sure they'll be alright with him for 2 months"

The cats provide a polite way to inform her of her 2 month stay. Good old cats

CailinDana · 30/04/2012 14:01

Eh no one can actually tell you they're invading your house against your will. Where does your DP get off not asking you first??

Do you get on with your ILs?

If I were you I would not let them move in at all until you have absolutely firm date that they are moving out. Otherwise you could still be putting up with them next year.

imnotmymum · 30/04/2012 14:02

NO NO NO YANBU. Did you get a say in this matter! Can she not afford to rent somewhere ? Does he think perhaps might be helpful to have some hands to help maybe ?

SparkleRainbow · 30/04/2012 14:02

YANBU - A short term stay, minus cats, is a good supportive thing to do, but the law around this has to be laid down before hand, no cats, shoprt stay whilst finds something to rent, and dh has to do it, not you.

pinkpyjamas · 30/04/2012 14:03

The first problem here is that you were "told" that his mother and sister are moving in!

How dare he not discuss it with you!?

It all sounds like a recipe for disaster.

You already have enough on your plate.

I'd be suggesting that his mother find her own place to live - she's going to have to find somewhere eventually, and sooner is better than later.

Concentrate on your own little family for now. Smile

ENormaSnob · 30/04/2012 14:03

YADNBU

Lueji · 30/04/2012 14:04

Yanbu, particularly if you were told and not asked!

I'd be tempted to move in with the FIL. (although I expect you'll say he's an abusive prat or something)

Do set definitive ground rules. Will they contribute towards housework, etc?

BusinessTrills · 30/04/2012 14:04

The first problem here is that you were "told" that his mother and sister are moving in!

I agree with pinkpyjamas

dreamingofsun · 30/04/2012 14:04

told that his mother is staying?!! I'd be really annoyed that i wasn't asked prior to any arrangements even being considered - this is your house as much as his. if you are allergic to cats then no obviously they can't come. they will have to make other arrangements for them.

2 months max seems very generous to me. i'd be climbing up the wall at the very thought.

think you also need a few ground rules. eg whats happening about food, what possessions are they bringing with them, bills/rent? There was a thread on here a while back about ground rules of a brother moving in you might find useful

SpanglesAreYum · 30/04/2012 14:05

Will she pay some rent and contribute to bill costs? If not, YANBU.

fortifiedwithtea · 30/04/2012 14:06

What SparkleRainbow said.

DoBuggerOrf · 30/04/2012 14:06

WRT rent, might take her longer to get going is she pays it. just a thought

sugarice · 30/04/2012 14:08

YANBU. Let them stay short term, my idea of short term would be a month tops while they look for their own new home! and no cats either.

mummymeister · 30/04/2012 14:09

You need to get the ground rules sorted out before they move in. No cats, no longer than 2 months and what you expect in the way of help around the house, contribution to bills etc. Believe me if you do not get it all sorted out before they move in then within a couple of months you will be the one moving out! Definately no cats that has to be non negotiable. also be aware that by having the two of them move in you will be perceived as having chosen a side by the FIL so do need to work on your relationship with him and make him not feel left out if poss. how old is the sister? could she also do some work around the house for you? make them realise that this is your house and your rules and if they are going to have the priviledge of staying in it then they need to contribute financially and in body. dont leave it up to your DH to do this, he clearly thinks its all easy but then he hasnt just given birth has he.

letseatgrandma · 30/04/2012 14:09

Is it your (as in you/DH joint) house or just DH's? If it's both, then frankly I would go apeshit at being told anything so big as this. My marriage would last about a month if my MIL and SIL moved in with us...

PurplePidjin · 30/04/2012 14:15

I too would go nuts at dp if I were informed that someone, even wonderful MIL, was moving in for an indefinite period Angry

PurplePidjin · 30/04/2012 14:18

Also, I'm assuming teenage sil is a dependant (under 18 and in full time education) so why are they the ones to leave the family home?

lisaro · 30/04/2012 14:20

You were 'told'? Angry

MsOnatopp · 30/04/2012 14:25

Say no say no say no.

Shutupanddrive · 30/04/2012 14:25

You were told? No discussion? Shock
I don't think yabu at all, put your foot down!

peanutbutter38 · 30/04/2012 14:27

I would rather pull out all my toenails whilst listening to Celine Dion than have my MIL live with us for anything more than a couple of days.
Even a couple of days would be Hell.On.Earth
YADNBU

DeWe · 30/04/2012 14:32

When I saw the title then my first reaction was to say "I suggest you move straight out" Wink

SparkleRainbow · 30/04/2012 14:37

As for my MIL, it is torture enough when she visits a couple of times a year....I have taken in my niece (SIL daughter) when neither of her parents felt able to care for her, but that is soo different!

StanleyLambchop · 30/04/2012 14:50

Agree with the others, don't agree to this!! Could you get your doctor/health visitor to speak to your DH and explain that your because of your PND you are really not up to the hassle of long stay guests (and definitely no cats!)

scarletforya · 30/04/2012 14:56

I'd just put my foot down and say point blank 'no'. How dare your 'partner' try to tell you who is coming to stay in your own house. I might have had some sympathy had he asked and negotiated how long and what terms they would stay under. IE Terms set out by you, but no way now.

He's blown it. The bloody cheek of it! Get back on to him and tell him in no uncertain terms he was out of order inviting them to stay without your permission.

If his Mother wants to stay it gets dicussed with both of you and you get to set the terms, not her. Hmph.