Mother-in-law moving in .....

[chloeameliasmummy]

Me and my partner have just moved house, 1 month into living in our new house and I get told that his mother (my mother-in-law) and his teenage sister is moving into our house as his mother & father are splitting up. I am ok with them moving to get themselves sorted and find a new place but she has the idea that she is staying with us until Christmas!? am I being unreasonable by telling my partner that I don't want them here for longer than 2 months, and that I don't want their cats here as I am allergic to them. I just don't feel like we could afford 2 other people living in our home, when I have a 2 month old baby and me being diagnosed with post-natal depression.

Am I in fact out of order for putting my foot down?

If this happened to me I would be telling my DH, them or me and baby. She is a grown woman and she should sort her accommodation out before leaving the marital home.

Do you actually have room for them? You need sufficient space for you, your dh and baby - and there is quite a lot of stuff that comes with looking after a baby.

Then add in two adults.

Tell her that she's welcome to stay and that you will move out temporarily so that there is room for them. "No, it's not a problem, you're welcome. I'll just stay with my mum for the time being."

Then you become a wonderful self-sacrificing DIL. Change the bills though.

i think you ought to go to citizens advice and get some legal help. if its only your name on the tenancy it sounds like your partner will have to move out and perhaps you will need to get guidance on benefits to pay the rent. there may be a clause in the landlords mortgage which doesn't allow this. if its in joint names then you need advice - still think with a child you would have priority.

you may not be able to 'just give notice'. our tenancy is for a set period and if anyone moves out before that they are liable for rent for rest of period unless we can relet the place.

if you move out there may be repercussions for your future potential to find a place. the council may say you have made yourself intentionally homeless. a future landlord may not be keen on taking a mother on benefits.

please don't do anything rash and get some proper advice asap

do you live in the UK as i've always got the feeling reading this that your partner is from another culture?

It is sounding like you need legal advice if tenancy is in both names (and bills only in yours!!) And you've just moved in. Cab would be helpful. Your hv might be able to help too, maybe not with the legal, but worth letting her know what's going on
Good luck with it all
Don't move out while bills stay in your name though! You will be solely liable

WTFing actual fuck.

Better to find out now rather than down the line, as it seems you'd always be 3rd place and this man clearly doesn't understand what a mutual relationship is.

Issues like this should always be discussed with both parties feelings taken into consideration and if you have PNT I don't know how he felt it would be fine to move them in.

If he moved in with you, do not move out. Chuck him the hell out, he can find some where to live with his Mum and Sister.

No one 'tells me' they are moving into my house! They can ask. In this case I would refuse, unless it was a stop gap with a definite, and soon, end plan.

You have to go to CAB and find out how to get HIM moved out. If everything is in your name you cannot continue paying whilst he's chumming up with his Mum and sister!

I hope you can sort this out OP, what a horrid situation and what a dick your P is :(

why dont you tell mil and sil to stay put with the cats and ask fil to stay :)

Is your' partner' paying the rent or bills? If this is the case he may feel that he can do what the hell he likes. The fact that he didn't even bother discussing the issue with you shows me that he has no respect for you. He sounds like an ass tbh. I agree with other posters, remove your name from the bills etc and definitely go to the CAB.

Has the OP come back to update?

Are inlaws selling their house or have they sold their house.

If MIL is waiting until house is sold to move on could take v long time in the present housing market.

I would try getting landlord on your side re no cats or long term paying guests.Tenancy agreements are normally pretty strict about everything ime.

Is FIL still in house? if so why isn't MIL staying in house whilst FIL moves out? Surely DD can stay with FIL, no need to move out at all.

ARe there no other DCs MIL can move in with.

YOu have the upper hand as tenant so can end tenancy but DH might immediately take it on from you.

You could tell landlord that cats are normally outdoor cats so not house trained or some such thing. Same to HV to get her to speak up on your behalf.

YOu could look for accommodation for her to rent and tell DH there is no reason for her to move in with you.

They can stay with him wherever he'll hopefully be living soon.

I agree that if your name is on the tenancy and the bills are in your name and you have a baby you should be telling him to move. Similarly his mum should be telling her husband to move, although I would expect a middle aged woman with teenage daughter to be able to sort her own accomodation out and not stay with her young son.
It all sounds the wrong way round. Why aren't the women here kicking the men out?
I'd be telling him the relationship is over and telling him to leave and that his relatives aren't welcome either.

If you were in receipt of housing and council tax benefit, a deduction of almost £9 per week for council tax and I think around £70 per week for rent could be made for each non-dependant adult living with you. I'm sorry I don't have accurate figures but I could find them if you really want. The deduction is also dependant on income but it shows that the government don't think £40 a week is a suitable contribution to a household.

So sorry you're in this situation and I hope you find a solution.