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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother-in-law moving in .....

91 replies

chloeameliasmummy · 30/04/2012 13:58

Me and my partner have just moved house, 1 month into living in our new house and I get told that his mother (my mother-in-law) and his teenage sister is moving into our house as his mother & father are splitting up. I am ok with them moving to get themselves sorted and find a new place but she has the idea that she is staying with us until Christmas!? am I being unreasonable by telling my partner that I don't want them here for longer than 2 months, and that I don't want their cats here as I am allergic to them. I just don't feel like we could afford 2 other people living in our home, when I have a 2 month old baby and me being diagnosed with post-natal depression.

Am I in fact out of order for putting my foot down?

OP posts:

mantlepiece · 30/04/2012 19:45

The PIL are getting a divorce?? If you let MIL move in it will be you and DP divorcing next.
He did not discuss this with you, so NO YANBU, if you value your relationship they must not move in.

Original poster

chloeameliasmummy · 30/04/2012 22:17

So when he came home from work I put my foot down and said I wasn't happy with it at all, and he practically said I should leave then.

I now know that I am not one of his top priorities.

And for the asking the landlord, H has already asked and he has said it's fine, so unfortunately that idea won't work :(

I just hope he realises what he's going to loose when me and little baby have moved out and changed his mind. (If only)

Again thank you for all your comments

OP posts:

Jux · 30/04/2012 22:21

So sorry chloe.

At least you know. Where can you go?

fedupofnamechanging · 30/04/2012 22:23

Sorry it's turned out like this - you really have no choice though. He's made it very clear where his priorities lie and they are not with you.

Whose name is on the lease? If it is joint and you object to mil moving in, can he still go ahead?

Do you have somewhere to go? He should move out - you and the baby shouldn't lose your home.

mercibucket · 30/04/2012 22:26

Ffs what a dick

What do you think you will do, op?

blackeyedsusan · 30/04/2012 22:38

oh. that is not good. you should be his first priority, seems not. he is an idiot. soy you had to find that out like this.

mangomadness · 30/04/2012 22:42

This is shocking. Sorry to be blunt but your MIL is a grown woman in her own right, she can sort something out for herself. As a mother herself she should realise that you need as much space as possible for you and your partner to bond and rest. She sounds incredibly selfish to me. Sure it may be good to have some help, but offered from a safe distance and at your bequest.
As much as your partner's being a dick, maybe he's in shock about his parents divorcing? However that doesn't mean that what he's doing to you and his child is right. She's a grown up and can sort her own life out. You and your partner need to parent and concentrate upon your child, not a grown woman and her daughter. Luckily my mum is happily divorced, but I would not want her and my sister moving in with us, as much as I love and adore them both. But then my mum has the intelligence to sort her own life out and would never ask me.

Original poster

chloeameliasmummy · 30/04/2012 22:43

Yeah my mums said I can go stay with her for a couple of days.

My name is also on the tenancy and all the bills are in my name.

It just sucks that it had to turn out like this.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 30/04/2012 23:12

Hang on a minute.

Your name is on the tenancy and all the bills are in your name and yet you're moving out?

This is your partner, not even your husband. He moved in with you, right? And now he wants to move his family in? This isn't your mother in law and your sister in law. You are not married and they have no connection to you.

In your position I would tell the landlord that you want to bring the tenancy to an immediate end. Phone all of your suppliers (gas etc) and say you are moving out immediately.

Pack your bags and go to your mum's.

It's not hard to see why his mother's marriage ended. Just be glad you didn't marry this cocklodger.

Give your mum what you were paying in rent (so she'll be happy) and look around for somewhere new.

Unbelieveable the way some people are treated.

CailinDana · 30/04/2012 23:15

I agree with Imperial actually. If your name is on the tenancy then you should call and give notice. Same goes for the bills. He can't set up home with you and then just move whomever he likes in to the house.

QuintessentialShadows · 30/04/2012 23:15

Good you found out now. Get your name off the tenancy, and transfer the bills to his name. Stop all direct debits.

pinkpyjamas · 30/04/2012 23:18

Do not move out whilst you still have financial liabilities at that property.
Stand your ground.
If your partner is prepared to put his mother and sister above his own child, and the mother of this child, then let him feck the feck off and find somewhere else to live with them!
I'm so sorry you're having to cope with all this extra stress - but do not be bullied into leaving your home.

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 30/04/2012 23:22

Yes it's important you sever all financial ties to the place (rent, bills) before you move out. Or he moves out. If you are sole tenant on the rental agreement then the only one with a right to be there is you (and your dd, of course).

QuintessentialShadows · 30/04/2012 23:30

Are both your names on the tenancy, or just yours?

Portofino · 30/04/2012 23:35

Um - you say NO, NO FECKING WAY!. This is not unreasonable you know. If he thinks it is, then you should get rid. Honestly.

ImperialBlether · 30/04/2012 23:43

Look at the finances.

You've always paid the rent and the bills? Does he give you money? How much, if so?

How come the landlord is agreeing with him that he can move his family in, when the contract wasn't with him in the first place?

In your position, given what the landlord has said, I think you're well within your rights to end the tenancy immediately.

What do you want to do? Where do you want to live?

MadameOvary · 30/04/2012 23:49

YY
Give notice.
Let them pay for the place and shoulder the responsibility and see how they like it.
Appalling way to behave.
You NEED to feel safe, secure and supported. How dare they do this to you

Jux · 01/05/2012 00:29

I didn't realize it was your flat. Then he's really got a fucking cheek.

No. No. No. It's not happening. Just tell him he can find somewhere for himself, his mum and his sis. Take your free half hour with a solicitor tomorrow.

Chilenachica · 01/05/2012 02:44

I agree, absolutely sort out the tenancy and bills before doing anything, apart from speaking to a solicitor. if your mum is happy to put you up, if you move out after cancelling your rent/tenancy agreement, then do that as short term. If he doesn't see sense double fast then he's not worth wasting anymore of your time.

As rough as it feels now, it's a good thing you found out where his priorities lay now rather than 20 years down the line.

If you do move out- not that you should- don't forget to cancel the TV licence, without that he'll have to listen to all his family's complaints re the divorce once he's living with them

my2centsis · 01/05/2012 03:02

So sorry things have turned out this way op!

You sounds like suck a strong lady and your do sounds pike a cock!

Please keep us updated! Thinking of you

EmmaCate · 01/05/2012 03:13

Definitely the cats thing is well out of order. YANBU on the rest either but if you do have PND might it not be a bright side that you'll have someone there to help if you are feeling unable to cope. It depends if they are takers or helpers in terms of their houseguest style.

Also free babysitting so (bf'ing allowing if applicable) more chance you and DH can get out together for the odd evening.

empirestateofmind · 01/05/2012 03:42

Surely if your name is on the tenancy he should be moving out. Can you afford the rent by yourself?

At least you know where you stand. What a shame DP wasn't able to discuss this with you properly and look for solutions with you. His knee-jerk reaction is very telling and very depressing. He sounds a mean bully.

ChasedByBees · 01/05/2012 03:50

I imagine you have a minimum lease period so giving immediate notice If you moved a month ago might be tricky. I'd seek advice ASAP (from citizens advice perhaps?) and tell your MIL that there is no way she can move in.

MumPaula · 01/05/2012 04:27

chloeameliasmummy
Yeah my mums said I can go stay with her for a couple of days.

My name is also on the tenancy and all the bills are in my name.

It just sucks that it had to turn out like this.
Then when you move off to your Mums make sure to get the Electric and gas switched off and the phone and the internet etc etc.
Bloody cheek, I can't believe he's putting everyone ahead of his partner and newborn baby.

lifechanger · 01/05/2012 05:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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