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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Somebody else's cheating husband. Am I wrong to be so annoyed?!

112 replies

babbashouse · 29/04/2012 15:14

So DH and i keep having a row about this other couple, well not about them really, more about the principle of the matter...

We knew this couple, as a couple. DH knew them before me. Last year it transpired the husband had been cheating and was now leaving the marriage for the other woman.

Since then the other woman (younger, thinner than his wife, who I keep pointing out to DH looks older and fatter on account of having carried his two children!) comes to weddings/ parties etc with the 'husband'. Anyway, this puts me out a bit in that I just feel so sad for the wife - why should she be the one who gets cut out of everything so that her husband can parade around his new younger model. DH argues their friendship group was closer to the bloke so he's the one who gets invited to things (despite the fact the wife had been part of the same group for the last probably ten years)

So what's really pushed me over the edge of fury recently is that the husband now has a facebook profile pic of him, his new woman AND HIS TWO KIDS! Aibu to think this is off? Like he's gets to show off his 'family' and just switch the woman in the picture when a new, better model comes along. I just hate that it looks like a nuclear family, but it isn't the nuclear family - that new woman has no business posing as the mother. To top it off, he has then sent messages to us signing off 'husband, new woman, dd1, dd2' - again, as far as I'm concerned, completely inappropriate!

DH says people should be allowed to get on with their lives. I don't know, it just sickens me - the thought of DH not only cheating on me, but then leaving me for new woman and parading her around with my kids, as if they are now the family. AIBU?

Oh, the new woman has also added me as a friend on the dreaded fb. I can't face it. I want her to go away. I feel really strongly about this. I just feel like people/ 'society' should frown more on this sort of thing that they seem to be doing in this situation. Am I completely out of touch?!

OP posts:
histinyhandsarefrozen · 14/05/2017 09:44

Even op will have got over this by now! This thread is 5 years old!

zOMBIe

BirdBandit · 14/05/2017 09:45

I feel the same way OP.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 14/05/2017 09:46

Oh well, hopefully she's moved on now!

BirdBandit · 14/05/2017 09:46

Oh, ZOMBIE! (Face palm)

needsahalo · 14/05/2017 10:05

I feel we took vows, forsaking all others etc, but that it seems nobody takes them seriously anymore; obviously those who cheat, but also those who react as if it doesn't matter. And no I don't like that, and yes it scares me

I think the reaction on mumsnet to cheaters is truly terrifying. The common cry of 'but you didn't know what was going on in the marriage' a frightening excuse that further isolates those who have done nothing wrong. Having been there, I struggle to express the shame I felt at being left and I was well,aware that my ex was out and about telling anyone who would listen what a dreadful wife I had been, indeed, he told one of our children that he 'deserved to be happy'. I didn't deserve that. I lost friends and in one case I had someone I was close to simply put the phone down on me.

Recovery is long and hard. Please reach out to people you know have suffered this, without judgement, and offer a listening ear and a seat at your table when having friends around.

Serialweightwatcher · 14/05/2017 10:12

I didn't even realise it was an old thread - must concentrate more .... how do threads that are 5 years old resurface? Where are they found easily to resurface? Don't understand it but I'm not very good at negotiating this site still Confused

Slarti · 14/05/2017 10:23

YANBU to think he's a shit for cheating, nor to feel sorry for his exDW, but to feel so strongly about him taking his new partner to parties, or that he has photos of them on FB, or that he signs off as himself and new partner, well that makes you sound a little bonkers.

I see you have played this down as a "point of disagreement" and just a "debate that gets a little heated" but your OP certainly doesn't read like that, especially when you say these things have "pushed you over the edge of fury". That's a bit Confused isn't it? And I say this as someone who also cannot warm to the new partner of a cheated friend's exDP, but I do think you are a little OTT.

Slarti · 14/05/2017 10:24

Oops, zombie, sorry Blush

Have you calmed down yet OP? Grin

valeriej43 · 14/05/2017 10:34

I dont think it is anyone elses business what this man has done, there may be a very good reson, he has got a new partner,
Something must have been not right in their marriage, and why should anyone stay in an unhappy marriage to please anyone else
Life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy marriage, and hopefully his wife will find happiness with someone else too,
As far as the children are concerned they are still his children have a right to be with their father

HoldBackTheRain · 14/05/2017 12:37

I think YABU because people's marriages fail break up and nobody really knows why. I really feel for your friend, and hope in time she will find happiness again, either single or with someone else.
But people will move on, as hard as it is.

HoldBackTheRain · 14/05/2017 12:40

FFS didn't realise it was a ZOMBIE Angry

chantana · 04/08/2017 19:02

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