AIBU to say if you want money for your wedding presents good on you

[CreamolaFoamless]

If just read a couple of threads here that go 'oh they asked for money' how bad and evil are they

I seriously got around 19,000 towels and 7 electric carving knives at my wedding....what was I ment to do with them?

Saying 'no gifts' is not a direct insult towards you it's more a 'I've got enough shit in my life don't buy me anymore unnessarcy presents that I woill not not know what to do wit'

Give ten pounds.........pin it the brides dress (like they did in olden times)

DOG what wedding gifts did you get?

Completely agree. We are having a 'honeymoon fund'. We have everything for the house we could possibly need and although some people think it's rude to have a list at all, I asked a couple of family members what they thought-and they ALL wanted to give us something, so popping a little note in the invites saves wasting everyone's time and me having to answer loads and loads of questions about what we want. The note makes it clear nothing is expected by the way!

Why not just say "no gifts please?" if you don't want gifts - why ask for money instead? I can fully understand not wanting gifts, but if that's the case I don't see the difference between gifts and money. They would be both be unwanted.

I don't mind it - I just think it's a sign of the times.

When we got married, 20 years ago, it wasn't the done thing but then less people lived together for a long time before they got married.

Most of our friends getting married now have been married before. They have had their own houses for a long time. We have donated to honeymoon funds.

good on you DaddyPigsSecretAdmirer

Not a bad thing at all, we asked for cash or gift vouchers from Kuoni to put towards our following holiday, we'd lived together for 8 years so didn't need any crap gifts for the house.

I cannot see why people seem to take such offence to people asking for something they actually want instead of not saying anything and just getting a million photo fromes, toasters and towells!

I have been married twice and first time we were just setting up a house so we did a wedding list and high street stores (some people still ignored it and bought us toasters even though they were NOT on the list as we already had one!).

Second time we had combined two houses so did not want anything 'household'!! We asking for holiday vouchers and set up an account, the holiday company provided cards etc with the account number on, we printed a note to go with it to say we did not expect gifts and that we just wanted all our friends and family there etc but if people did want to contribute then they could. It was so easy as it could be done over the phone and online.

Most people contributed to the holiday vouchers and some just came to spend the time with us just as we had asked which was all perfect. Others still insisted on buying us ornaments, photo frames, photo albums etc and also weirdly some people bought us other types of vouchers (that just seemed odd to me).

I would much rather buy something that the people really want rather than wasting money on something they will never use. Why do people not want to do this?

I don't find it rude when other people ask for money. However, I would feel rude if I did it.

we said, as we have been living together we have all we need so request no presents please. If you really insist on bringing something then a bottle of wine would be welcomed or words to that effect. some people did not bother at all some brought wine and some brought something else they wanted us to have , photo frames, posh glasses etc. t'was nice and we enjoyed having 'wedding wine' on drinks nights as most were posher than we could have afforded at the time.

I don't think you get to dictate what guests buy you.

I give what I want to give. Anybody who has a problem with that would no longer be a friend.

Last wedding I went to cost us ££££ we don't have in petrol,outfits,accommodation etc.I gave a wooden heart which I would have loved.I put a lot of thought into presents and always give things I'd love.Some presents have been as little as £3.

I'm not married and I just don't get this obsession with wedding gifts.If the gifts are so important don't get married and spend the money saved on a John Lewis shopping trip.

Dp and I have been together 22 years.I fail to see why a pile of gifts or money is so important in a relationship.

To be frank I find the whole wedding circus distasteful.I would have thought the most important thing in a wedding is the relationship,why do couples obsess over the wedding gifts and spending ££££££ on one day-it's baffling. Surely if the relationship was the most important part of the day you wouldn't give a stuff what people gave you.

I think it's rude to ask for anything. Can't help it I'm a product of my upbringing. It was considered the height of bad manners to ask for a gift. You just had to accept what was offered - if anything was offered, and love it. It was the only polite thing to do

It's left me with a horror of actually going up to someone and saying please buy/give me X...

I can hear my parents, both sets of grandparents and all aunts and uncles gasping in horror

If someone asks you, then it's different. You have to tell them that it's so kind of them, but really, there's no need.

Then if they press you, you have to name something token and inexpensive

The polite thing to do if you don't want 'stuff' is to say "no boxed gifts", people can then either take that as 'no gifts' or 'cash or gift vouchers' - but you're not directly asking for money.

Agree with dog. I think it's awfully tacky and cannot abide those little begging poems.

I mind when the groom earns over 200K per year, the bride gives up work bragging about how well off she will be when married to him and then asks her public sector friends, barmaid friends, disabled family members, unemployed-through-no-fault-of-their-own family members and nursery worker colleagues for money.

I think it is rude to specify what you might like as a gift unless someone asks you.

Hectate I totally agree.I shall make dd and the dtwins well aware that I won't be happy if wedding lists,requests for money or indeed any reference at all to gifts are included in their wedding invitations should they choose to get married.

It's the height of bad manners.I'd be appalled if they included any of the above.

I expect my dc to go into marriage expecting nothing on the day. Anything they get given should be totally appreciated whatever it is.

I've never seen one of those begging poems but then I have not really been to any big formal weddings for quite a while.

We got married abroad - just the two of us - as we hated the thought of a big white wedding.

I am always happy when people ask for money, i hate having to choose presents. I hate my children getting crap that i have to lug to the charity shop, or bin. From a recyling and ecological POV we needtostop making and buying stuff that we don't really have need for.

I love a good wedding, i've just watched My Fair Lady with my youngest and she has promised that wearing a hat will be complusary, if she ever gets married.

Most wedding guests will ask for a wedding list or what the couples preference is.

Most people will bring a gift of some kind- but when the request is printed on the invite it assumes everyone will/ can afford to.

For some people the expense of attending the wedding (outfits, transport, accomodation etc) can be sky high. To make a guest feel obliged to provide money or a gift is just wrong.