AIBU to say if you want money for your wedding presents good on you

[CreamolaFoamless]

If just read a couple of threads here that go 'oh they asked for money' how bad and evil are they

I seriously got around 19,000 towels and 7 electric carving knives at my wedding....what was I ment to do with them?

Saying 'no gifts' is not a direct insult towards you it's more a 'I've got enough shit in my life don't buy me anymore unnessarcy presents that I woill not not know what to do wit'

MrsHeffley: Why do you actually give a gift? For your own pleasure or for the pleasure of the recipient? Because you say that you would have loved the present you picked, but its not for you. You have to think about what the couple would like - and if they indicate that they would prefer cash isn't it a bit... arrogant to assume you know best? Even if that's not what you personally would have picked.

It is customary / expected that you will bring a gift of some sort to a wedding so it seems silly to not include a preference when the vast majority of people will want to bring something - however small. I totally agree though that the list should be realistic, lots of things for a few pounds etc. Or a request for cash / vouchers etc etc.

Gift lists are definitely not about "asking" for presents. They're about making suggestions only to people who have stated they'd like ideas.

If you already have everything you need, then say you don't need anything, but a charity donation would be nice.

People like to choose a gift carefully and it's the thought that counts.

Requesting money is rude IMHO. It implies that if people choose a gift themselves it will be unwanted, which sounds ungrateful. And it makes it clear how much has been spent on you by each person, which can make people feel uncomfortable.

I'm surprised people are complaining it's "grabby" if a couple would like nice things for their home having already lived together a while. What's wrong with replacing your old towels/kettle/toaster/linen/wine glasses with newer ones you prefer, which also remind you of the person who gave them to you?

Yanbu - so rude

i'm not married i would really hate to make a wedding lists of things i want, i know it's tradition but it's really weird to expect any sort of present

I always pick something I think they'd like as well as it being something I'd like.If you go by your logic mushroom we'd all be just handing over cash for bday presents,Xmas presents-how sad.How sad also not to have any thoughtful presents chosen by those you love to remember the day,just a pile of cash.

And I agree with the last poster with cash it's v embarrassing for families who can't afford large sums.The last expensive wedding we went to I gave a beautiful tiny driftwood heart which cost £3.After all the expenses that was all we could afford.Not really keen on handing over 3 pound coins in an envelope.A heart was a lot more thoughtful.

Really I don't give a stuff if that would offend anybody(it certainly wouldn't with any of my friends).I was always taught that it's the thought that counts and to except gracefully. Expecting people these days to drive 6 hours and pay for 6 hours of petrol,accommodation for 5 people,5 wedding outfits and food for 5 over a weekend is a massive ask.For a wedding of say 60-100 guests thats a huge lot of money people are shelling out to celebrate your day with you. Dictating gifts on top is frankly greedy and rude.

As I said before the day is to celebrate your relationship not to pay for your holiday.

"If you go by your logic mushroom we'd all be just handing over cash for bday presents,Xmas presents-how sad."

Totally agree. We might as well just say that all the presents we give each other for special occasions balance/cancel each other out - so let's just never send anything!

We said if anyone wanted to give us something, we would prefer have cash for the honeymoon because we had next to no money at the time. We were incredibly grateful for what we received and we had some fabulous experiences thanks to our friends and family. The best presents we received were without material value but utterly priceless, as they were made with love and incredible skill by my FIL.

To me it just seems practical to say what you'd like in the circumstances, but that's how I was raised. Both my parents, for example, have always asked us exactly what we wanted for the baby. The tradition in my wifes culture is for the men to give money to the groom and the women to give flowers to the bride. Personally I prefer to give someone what they want.

Weddings are way out of sync with people's lives. People who have regular jobs and homes start having seriously expensive weddings. Weddings that must cost the equivalent of their annual salary.

But why do people want so much? Why is it all so costly? The wedding I am going to, the couple have a honeymoon fund. They want to go to somewhere totally amazing. Long haul. Once in a lifetime etc.

It's because, after living together, people have to big up the wedding. After all, the big excitement of a wedding used to be living together and losing your virginity. Now, it has to be amazing holidays.

Our wedding cost less than £1k I think.

And £1k is not the average price for a wedding. I'm sure I've seen figures that suggest wedding costs are rising.

Try eloping, nobody gives you anything! Even my best friends didnt stretch to a bloody card, we couldnt help being offended and we are not materialistic. In fact, we hate stuff.

Some of you must know some seriously weirdly grasping brides and grooms if you think you're going to be judged by how much your present is worth, whether in cash or gift value!

Most people are just grateful that anyone gave them anything and how much was given (again, whether explicit in cash terms or implicit in gift terms) is just irrelevant!

If I thought I was going to be judged by the person who was receiving the gift then I probably wouldn't be bothering to go to that wedding as they wouldn't be nice people and therefore not my friends.

I live in Asia and really like the Chinese custom where you try to work out how much is being spent on you as a guest then repay that and add some more on.

Wherever the wedding is now I always give money. It is easy for me and always goes down well.

Personally I think that if you are fortunate enough not to need anything by the time you get married to the extent that you don't want gifts,it might be time to think of those less fortunate and ask those who WANT to to donate to a charity instead.

We got married over 20 years ago when we, and our friends, were pretty skint. I take real pleasure every day in seeing various vases, candlesticks etc. that were wedding presents. Nothing flash, but they are a constant reminder of people who now live a long way away.

"A wedding I went to asked for donations to Oxfam - wonderful idea"

i disagree. if i go to a wedding i want to give the couple a present. i dislike being told to give to charity - i already do so and i choose who i donate to.

i always give money as a wedding gift, if the couple concerned then choose to give it to charity/spend it on the weekly shopping/buy something for their home then that is entirely up to them. i don't give presents with conditions attached.

any mention of presents at all is really not polite. although i don't shudder or anything when i receive a wedding list or request for money with an invitation. i know it is accepted as common practice. i still think it is impolite though.

mind you, i also think inviting single guests without a plus one is impolite. and having a seperate guest list for the day and evening. and not inviting partners/spouses is beyond impolite, it is rude.