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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell this woman she is a backstabbing cow?

94 replies

Megatron · 29/04/2012 11:33

I have a friend, a very lovely friend actually. She would do anything for anyone, helps a lot of people out, visits the elderly in our village and gets shopping for them etc. She has two children of her own (8 and 5) and helps at the school too. She is very active in the church and school and I have long since suspected that she gets taken advantage of sometimes but her thoughts on that are that she does it because she wants to and it doesn't really bother her. I wish I could be more like her but I'm too selfish and not nearly as nice as she is.

Now here is my gripe. Another mum at school really does not like her at all, which is fine, I don't like everyone either. What has really pissed me off is that she is making snitty comments to all and sundry about how my friend 'can't be that bloody nice', 'is just an ingratiating pleb' Angry and 'needs to sort out her weight and looks' double Angry. This is the woman who will smile sweetly to her face as she asks her to pick up her children for her. My friend genuinely thinks she is a nice person.

I heard all this at a quiz night last night and though I am normally a total wimp and hate confrontation, I'm afraid I let her have it with both barrels. Have had a text from her this morning to tell me how upset she is and can't believe I was so mean to her (god, is she 12?). I have ignored it. So my question is this.... am I a horrible cow or was this a good time for me to, at last, grow a pair?

OP posts:
LtEveDallas · 29/04/2012 11:36

No you are not a cow. Actually I'd say you were pretty bloody lovely to stick up for your friend when she wasn't there to do it for herself.

Your ex friend (I hope she is that now) is the cow.

TheArmadillo · 29/04/2012 11:37

YANBU - she sounds like the kind of person who thinks she should never have to face the consequences of her actions. I hate those people and those who encourage their behaviour by backing down when these people then tantrum.

I'd text her back and tell her you stand by everything you said.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 29/04/2012 11:37

ooo well done you! Sometimes we just feel strongly enough about something to stand up and say so, and last night, you did. The other woman probably knows that she's been a cow to your friend and doesn't like having it pointed out, but that's not your problem. As long as you "stick to the facts" so to speak and don't lower yourself to petty snark like she did, why worry?

PetitDemiWit · 29/04/2012 11:38

Good for you! You sound like a really great and supportive friend to have!

Ignore the text and get on with your life. Don't give this unpleasant woman another thought.

DollysDrawers · 29/04/2012 11:38

YANBU. This woman sounds like a nasty bitch and your friend sounds lovely. Good for you for sticking up for her!

doormat · 29/04/2012 11:39

YANBU well done ..x

Original poster
Megatron · 29/04/2012 11:40

I'm still really cross this morning. This woman is not really a friend of mine I just know her from school, but she will stand there paying my friend all these fawning compliments about how wonderful she is and then slag her off behind her back. Other people have told me that she's false before but I had never seen this side of her before. Grr.

OP posts:
chunkyjojo · 29/04/2012 11:41

Good for you sticking up for your friend. Sounds like this other woman isn't used to being called on her bitchy, two faced behaviour. If it were me I would also tell your friend whats gone on, not necessarily word for word but enough so she knows this person is not as nice as she gives her credit for!

Thumbwitch · 29/04/2012 11:41

Good for you!
I have a friend who is utterly lovely - really she is - but she had a horrible bully at work who spread lies and slander about her, saying she was "too saccharine sweet" and "no one could really be that nice" as well. It nearly drove my friend to a breakdown, because people she had previously got on fine with suddenly started to "side" with the bully (who knows why people do that? It must be the old "if enough shit is thrown, some of it sticks" or "no smoke without fire" attitude because my friend had never done anything to upset these other co-workers)

In the end my friend took early retirement to get out of the situation - it was disgusting what happened to her - so really, well done for hopefully nipping this one in the bud. Mind you, don't be too surprised if you now end up in this other woman's sights - but take comfort from the fact that you chose the "right" side to be on (if we have to look at it like that).

FerrisBueller1972 · 29/04/2012 11:41

Nope not as bad as her. You did good. Id have done the same, I cannot bloody bear two faced bitches like that. Let her stew. Smile

Toughasoldboots · 29/04/2012 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chiefwitchfromdownsouth · 29/04/2012 11:44

Well done, Megatron. I agree with theAramadillo, text her back after that ignore her completely, she's not worthy of your time.

doormat · 29/04/2012 11:45

i would also tell your nice friend what has happened before rumours start at the school gates etc...it may hurt her but at least she will know what happened from your side x

Boothie · 29/04/2012 11:45

Sounds to me that she is just very jealous of your friends nice nature and life. You did the right thing by telling her exactly what you thought. Well done and stand by what you said. Grin

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 29/04/2012 11:46

Holy mother of all things Holy - Megatron with a fully grown 'pair' Grin All this MN coaching has paid off :) :)

You did the right thing, now hold your head up high, ignore anymore texts etc from her and don't be afraid to repeat your conversation in the playground if it gets skewed!!

Well done you!! You will be giving 'grow a pair' lessons soon!!

Thumbwitch · 29/04/2012 11:49

chippingin's post. Grin

TheHappyHissy · 29/04/2012 11:51

About bloody time that someone called this woman out on her 2-facedness! I HATE that!

Ignore the text, ignore the vile woman. That is her guilty conscience working!

I would be honoured to have a friend with such integrity in my life! What a lovely person you are. God bless you!

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 29/04/2012 11:52

You did the right thing. Your friend might not say that but defending her against such a vile bitch was tge right thing to do.

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 29/04/2012 11:53

I think what you did was brilliant. YA so NBU.

exexe · 29/04/2012 11:55

Well done you! What an awful woman. I hope your outburst makes her realise a few things.

SundaeGirl · 29/04/2012 11:56

Well done, OP.

Some people don't believe they should ever 'feel bad' about anything. Feeling guilty is obviously a rare state for this woman and she clearly wants you to absolve her of it. Don't respond but act as if nothing has happened the next time you see her.

It's brilliant that you called her on her behaviour. I know a few people who could use that happening to them.

lazarusb · 29/04/2012 11:57

Well done. Maybe she might think twice before doing it again. I think you were entirely in the right.

FashionEaster · 29/04/2012 11:58

Ignore the text. If she thinks you are now fair game, all you have to say, with a direct look is "You know what I think of unpleasant snide remarks behind others backs, you don't a repeat of quiz night do you - but this time with a bigger audience?" But tbh, I think she will be too wary!

Confuseddd · 29/04/2012 12:14

Well done for sticking up for your friend! You sound like a lovely friend too - respect!

Groovee · 29/04/2012 12:15

Well done for standing up for your friend. As for the other woman ignore her as she doesn't have the guts to tell you to your face.

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