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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell this woman she is a backstabbing cow?

94 replies

Megatron · 29/04/2012 11:33

I have a friend, a very lovely friend actually. She would do anything for anyone, helps a lot of people out, visits the elderly in our village and gets shopping for them etc. She has two children of her own (8 and 5) and helps at the school too. She is very active in the church and school and I have long since suspected that she gets taken advantage of sometimes but her thoughts on that are that she does it because she wants to and it doesn't really bother her. I wish I could be more like her but I'm too selfish and not nearly as nice as she is.

Now here is my gripe. Another mum at school really does not like her at all, which is fine, I don't like everyone either. What has really pissed me off is that she is making snitty comments to all and sundry about how my friend 'can't be that bloody nice', 'is just an ingratiating pleb' and 'needs to sort out her weight and looks' double . This is the woman who will smile sweetly to her face as she asks her to pick up her children for her. My friend genuinely thinks she is a nice person.

I heard all this at a quiz night last night and though I am normally a total wimp and hate confrontation, I'm afraid I let her have it with both barrels. Have had a text from her this morning to tell me how upset she is and can't believe I was so mean to her (god, is she 12?). I have ignored it. So my question is this.... am I a horrible cow or was this a good time for me to, at last, grow a pair?

OP posts:

mumtoone123 · 29/04/2012 20:15

But bitching about other mums in public is really off. Bitchface should expect comeback if she doesn't even leave her bitching to private, one on one sessions. I'd say that by pretending to be hurt she is in fact setting the scene to be the injured party.
I would say something to your friend, especially if it's a small community. Maybe just mentioning that your friend should watch her back as bitchface is a user.
I think well done too.

treadwarily · 29/04/2012 22:59

Don't tell your friend, she'll only be hurt. You are not the gossip police. You have done your bit, now leave it be.

BehindLockNumberNine · 29/04/2012 23:06

Well done you for standing up for your lovely friend who was not there to defend herself.

MsPaperbackWriter · 29/04/2012 23:08

I think you should talk to your nice friend very quickly before this nasty cow tries to bullshit to her and stir things up between you - I would not put it past her to try this...
You did the right thing, now be on your guard as she may try to bullshit to others about you.

Thumbwitch · 30/04/2012 00:09

You don't have to tell your friend that she was being bitched about exactly - but you do have to say something to put her on her guard against this person.

TooManyOddSocks · 30/04/2012 00:13

I think i would want to know if someone was being as spiteful as this woman behind my back, whilst all the time being nice to my face. You sound like a decent person, I am sure you would word it in a way that wasn't gossipy or anything.

totallypearshaped · 30/04/2012 00:16

Careful careful careful!

You're next you know, so start spinning your side now, gently and with tact, but get out there and tell others what you did and why.

MumPaula · 30/04/2012 00:25

Oh you are brave letting her have it like that.
Watch out for her, and when she shoots you those looks that could kill, smile sweetly and walk away.
Be prepared for her to start slinging the mud in your direction I bet she's told a bunch of crap about you before you get to the school gates.
Let your friend know what happened before she tries to feed her a bunch of bull too.

ladymariner · 30/04/2012 00:26

Brilliant, Megatron, everyone should have a friend like you. Hold your head up high x

ladymariner · 30/04/2012 00:26

Brilliant, Megatron, everyone should have a friend like you. Hold your head up high x

IAmBooyhoo · 30/04/2012 00:45

if i was your friend and heard about this from someone else i would wonder why you hadn't told me yourself. i would think it quite odd TBH especially if the some one else i heard it from was BC and she had put her twist on it. i might think the reason you hadn't told me yourself was that there was some truth in what she had said. i think you should tell your friend exactly what happened so she has the full story and can make up her own mind about BC.

Groovee · 30/04/2012 09:02

Hope the school run was quick and painless today

entropygirl · 30/04/2012 12:22

update UPDATE

ljgibbs · 02/05/2012 10:11

Any update Megatron?

ontherocks · 04/05/2012 10:42

Any update?? God I'm nosey!

WilsonFrickett · 04/05/2012 10:48

Megatron are you lying crumpled in the bushes or what? We NEED an update!

ontherocks · 04/05/2012 11:04

I keep checking back too!

Vixxen · 04/05/2012 11:27

Oh no, i worry about her safety due to the lack of return!

theboutiquemummy · 04/05/2012 13:05

Well done for sticking up for your friend and whats brilliant other people will have heard her at quiz night being rotten and secretly wishing they had been able to stand up to her, chances are there are more victims out there that she has treated like this. It's jealousy on her part me thinks !

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