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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell this woman she is a backstabbing cow?

94 replies

Megatron · 29/04/2012 11:33

I have a friend, a very lovely friend actually. She would do anything for anyone, helps a lot of people out, visits the elderly in our village and gets shopping for them etc. She has two children of her own (8 and 5) and helps at the school too. She is very active in the church and school and I have long since suspected that she gets taken advantage of sometimes but her thoughts on that are that she does it because she wants to and it doesn't really bother her. I wish I could be more like her but I'm too selfish and not nearly as nice as she is.

Now here is my gripe. Another mum at school really does not like her at all, which is fine, I don't like everyone either. What has really pissed me off is that she is making snitty comments to all and sundry about how my friend 'can't be that bloody nice', 'is just an ingratiating pleb' and 'needs to sort out her weight and looks' double . This is the woman who will smile sweetly to her face as she asks her to pick up her children for her. My friend genuinely thinks she is a nice person.

I heard all this at a quiz night last night and though I am normally a total wimp and hate confrontation, I'm afraid I let her have it with both barrels. Have had a text from her this morning to tell me how upset she is and can't believe I was so mean to her (god, is she 12?). I have ignored it. So my question is this.... am I a horrible cow or was this a good time for me to, at last, grow a pair?

OP posts:

treadwarily · 29/04/2012 13:17

Text back and say, you haven't heard the half of it. I'll tell you next time I have the misfortune to run into you.

waltermittymissus · 29/04/2012 13:22

Well done! :) I agree with telling your friend though before she hears the gossip lies that this woman will start spreading!

Original poster

Megatron · 29/04/2012 13:43

She's just sent me exactly the same text again obviously because I ignored the first one. I'll ignore this one too since it's clearly annoying her that I haven't replied.

I think it pissed me off so much because my friend is genuinely one of life's good people and doesn't deserve to be spoken about like that.

And I know, Chipping MN has turned me into a badass!

OP posts:

cornsyilk · 29/04/2012 13:44

Oh it'll be killing her that you haven't replied - do you think she'll actually phone you?

Thumbwitch · 29/04/2012 13:46

I'd reply actually - just say - Yes I did receive your first text.
Leave it at that.

MadamFolly · 29/04/2012 13:46

I like the idea of texting her back to say something along the lines of you stand by what you said and she needs to think long and hard about her behaviour.

Original poster

Megatron · 29/04/2012 13:50

Ooooh I don't know whether to text her back or not now. I want to let her know that I DO stand by what I said but I kind of like that it'll be really bugging her that I haven't replied.

She'll also be worried that I will tell my friend and then she will not be able to take the piss ask her to do her a million favours a week. I'm not a shit stirrer by nature but I AM going to tell my friend, then it's up to her if she wants to still help this woman out as much. Is that bad?

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 29/04/2012 14:19

No it's not bad - you need to tell your friend what's going on before this other woman does.
And in all honesty, however much it's bugging her to not reply, I still think you should just to put yourself on the higher ground courtesy-wise. She might not deserve it but you are better than that. If you want to say you stand by what you said, then say it - but don't say anything else - don't add in anything moralistic now. And keep it very short, very simple and as un-misunderstandable as humanly possible - just in case. I'd still just say "I got your first text" personally

Original poster

Megatron · 29/04/2012 14:23

Ok have sent her a text back. 'Yes I did receive your first text. I stand by everthing I said last night'.

OP posts:

Thingiebob · 29/04/2012 14:27

Ooh what did you actually say last night?! It must have been fab to watch. Good on you for sticking up for a lovely friend. I'd love to have a mate like you on my side.

Thumbwitch · 29/04/2012 14:33

Perfect Megatron! :)
You have definitely graduated into an MN hard woman

Original poster

Megatron · 29/04/2012 14:33

Thingybob I was a bit ranty and probably a bit embarrassing too. I told her that she had a bloody cheek slagging her off when all she does is take the piss out of her willingness to give other people a hand and that she would do well to be a bit more like her. That I have never heard my friend say anything but nice things about her, that she was a backstabbing cow and should be ashamed of herself.

I suspect I lost the moral high ground somewhat by calling her a name but I was on a roll by then.

OP posts:

Original poster

Megatron · 29/04/2012 14:35

D'you think Thumbwitch? I normally wouldn't say boo to a goose so it's very out of character for me! Do I have to get a tattoo of a snake down my neck or something now to show my 'ardness?

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 29/04/2012 14:36

Not down your neck, no - you need a coiled mass of the things in your belly region, I expect for the full "nest of vipers" motif!

medievalgirl · 29/04/2012 14:37

I'd text her back to say... You're upset? Well I'm upset by months of listening to you being nasty about X.

CheesyWellingtons · 29/04/2012 14:38

Oooh, well done you .

I expect she will respond in the only way she knows how, by bitching about you, but just stand firm, hold your head high and wait for everyone else to realise what a two faced bat she is. You sound lovely.

Thingiebob · 29/04/2012 14:38

Sounds like it needed to be said. Super work!

Youattheback · 29/04/2012 14:39

Can only agree with everyone else! Brilliantly well done!

Original poster

Megatron · 29/04/2012 14:41

I'm now dreading the school run tomorrow. What if she waits for me behind a bush and tries to 'rush me' or whatever the saying is on my way in. I need to work on my scowl.

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 29/04/2012 14:43

way to go OP! yanbu.

i would tell your nice friend about the pisstaking cow and encourage her to give her a wide birth in future and tell her to find some other mug to collect her kids.

what a flaming cheek!

Thingiebob · 29/04/2012 14:46

Let us know her response to your text. It's exciting! I've been blessed with some very lovely friends so don't really get any drama like this in my daily life.

EmmaCate · 29/04/2012 14:47

YANBU. Good for you as well!

BananasInBloomers · 29/04/2012 14:49

Well done Megatron. I can't stand fakery and especially in adults.
If she tries to say something to you tomorrow tell her politly that you heard enough from her the other night,and that you have told your friend exactly the type of person she is.

The childish side of me would like to see you say.. which of your faces am I talking to,the one who asks for favours or the one that bitches?

MariahScary · 29/04/2012 14:50

Good on you!

She sounds like a nasty piece of work and a complete coward.

Walk in to school with your head held high tomorrow and fix her with your best frosty stare of she troubles you.

CeliaFate · 29/04/2012 14:57

I think you did a good thing. I'd tell your friend what she did and that you defended your friend to warn her of any possible fall out. Most sensible parents would have the measure of the cowbag and probably will be silently cheering you on. Get your side in quick because she will tell all and sundry that you were "mean".

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