AIBU to consider getting pregnant via sperm donation?

[Hippymum89]

I have a 6 year old daughter and would like a sibling for her, I'm single so sperm donation seems so be the best way :)

I would want to be the sole carer, however I would be happy to keep in contact with the donor via email, send pictures and updates etc. I would like my child to be able to see where he/she came from, but would understand that he would not be classed as 'dad'.
I have had a look on the internet and don't think the clinic route is such a good idea beacause of the anonymity.

I would just like some advice from ANYONE who has had anything to do with the process, thanks, and generally get a range of opinions on the matter!

YANBU :)

Let's not turn this into "wanting to give her a sibling" when it's blatantly about you and what you want regardless of anything else.

Aribura if we're going to split hairs, isn't that what every prospective parent wants? Married, single, gay or straight.

A single friend did this with both of her kids - American donor, she selected him as he had same hair and eye colour as her, although she didn't see a picture of him. She got the same donor for both children as she wanted them to be full brother and sister. She's very happy - not the usual way of doing things but it worked for her...

Auburn
How old are her children now? Do they know, and if so, how do they feel about it?

Having children is a selfish act if you think about it. We had a sibling as we wanted another and didn't want DS to be an only. Our choice. We are gay and used sperm donation. We are not "keeping" our children from their "dad". Op, YANBU. I think clinic would be the way though

My friend has 2 children through sperm donation. Same father for both.
He is involved with a charity for sperm donation but he has had "private arrangements" for subsequent children. Ie cashing in on woman's maternal desire.
Im sure there are some decent donors out there and i wish you luck.

Do you have any plans for a relationship in the future? If the 89 in your NN is representative of your age then you have lots of 'fertile' years left? prepares to be flamed

I have a friend who acted as a sperm donor for his best friend and her partner, he is now very heavily involved in her life and she calls him daddy, this was not the plan originally but what works for them now.

The 89 is my favourite number ha ha always has been. I was born in 1980 though :)

Hippy, I've sent you a PM, with a link to something that might help give you more information and insight into this kind of thing. I've not done it or considered it personally, but wouldn't condemn you for thinking of doing it! Good luck.

Please ignore the nasty posters whose lives must be completely perfect.

I think that you should have a think about whether you want the father involved or not as the way you have set it out in your OP would be hard to maintain once you have a little person with views of their own about this!! :)

Oh well if that's the case you've got two years on me, best get a move on

For what it's worth I'd be considering the same in your position, all mums are selfish - no one NEEDS to have a baby but that doesn't mean we don't WANT to have them!

Oh wow, I didn't realise people were so judgemental and nasty about sperm donation! Having children is always a selfish act and my opinion is that, in a way, it SHOULD be. Even if you go into adopting a child, you should go into it with the view that you really want that child, not that the child should be grateful for you - it can create all sorts of difficulties later down the line. I say this as an adopted person.
YANBU OP, not one bit.

Thank you so much everyone and I do really mean that, even the negative comments, because that is what I'll have to face 'in the real world'.
TBH there have been more positive comments than I'd dreamt of actually, I have a good feeling about it all.
Now... I need to find a donor ha ha, Thanks again MNers

But the OP hasn't said she would keep the fact of the child's father from the child - I took it to mean that the child would know who her/his father is, but not necessarily see them as ''daddy'' as they wouldn't be raising the child. Makes sense to me. In the same way that an adopted child sees their biological parent as 'birth father' not as 'dad'. Perhaps I've misunderstood?

Yes, MissCeliaFoote that is what I meant about the daddy thing

YANBU

It is ridiculous to claim you are beinbg selfish, of course you are, every mother planning a baby is doing it for her own needs, you are no different.

Go to a clinic, sperm donors no longer keep annonimity after the child is 18 now. you can also be assured about the health ans suitablity of the donor.

You sound like a loving ,caring mother who any child woud be lucky to be born to

OP - they are both under five still. She admits she isn't sure what she's going to tell them about their dad.

Yeah. I think if your child did know the sperm donor you could do it in a way that was a bit like how an open adoption works.
But personally if I were you I'd probably go via a sperm bank, I think it's a more realistic option and more likely to work for you. I'd tell my child the facts and see if they wanted to contact the biological father themselves when they were 18. Good luck with this anyway, if you go ahead with it.

There is a site called free-sperm- donations where AI is the only way they do it and it is all about donors and mums meeting up and discussing what it is they want to achieve (regarding contact etc.)
It would seem that most donors are happy to keep in touch albeit more removed than a dad the 'natural' way.
18 years is a long time to wait for any information, but they do hold the sample testing card I guess.
It is quite normal for ladies to request STD/ HIV tests and see the proof from donors met through FSD though.
Once again, thank you so much for your words of encouragement xx

Awww Rhubarb - what a lovely story, and what a lovely man

[sniff]

Doing the wrong thing and scrolling straight to the end of the thread.

But I just couldnt get past the 'adoption is the best route here'

What?

Based on what exactly?

The OP would like a baby. She has said she would like to have a baby.

So how does going through a two year assessment and longer wait to be matched with a child at least 2-3 who has been through an lot of trauma compare with having a baby?

Why do you think someone who is all 'me, me,me' and 'selfish' fits the bill to be an adoptive parent anyway?

People say the most ridiculous things about adoption and frankly there is no excuse for such ignorance.

(excuse my highjack hippy)

Hippy - I would be very very wary of those co-parenting sites.

I really think that via a clinic where all necessary screenings have been done is the way to go.

UK clinics are expensive but Danish ones (where there is far more availability) are very affordable and usually offer a 6 x inseminations package.