Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU to consider getting pregnant via sperm donation?

115 replies

Hippymum89 · 28/04/2012 11:26

I have a 6 year old daughter and would like a sibling for her, I'm single so sperm donation seems so be the best way :)

I would want to be the sole carer, however I would be happy to keep in contact with the donor via email, send pictures and updates etc. I would like my child to be able to see where he/she came from, but would understand that he would not be classed as 'dad'.
I have had a look on the internet and don't think the clinic route is such a good idea beacause of the anonymity.

I would just like some advice from ANYONE who has had anything to do with the process, thanks, and generally get a range of opinions on the matter!

OP posts:

Original poster

Hippymum89 · 28/04/2012 13:28

I don't think anyone needs a sibling... I'm an only child myself.
I have friends from bigger families and I would like that for my children. And I'm not willing to just find any old bloke and pop out a couple of kids.

OP posts:

AutumnSummers · 28/04/2012 13:28

Codandchops Agreed.

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2012 13:28

Does any parent shove their child into a Nursery?

Codandchops · 28/04/2012 13:28

...and yes, I am sure you are a great Mum. I just think this kind of action needs careful thinking about.

AutumnSummers · 28/04/2012 13:29

And I'm not willing to just find any old bloke and pop out a couple of kids. Just any old bloke who agrees to your terms of contact.

iscream · 28/04/2012 13:29

In your case OP, a sperm bank is probably the best option.

Original poster

Hippymum89 · 28/04/2012 13:30

I'm fine with the criticism, I wouldn't have posted on here if I just wanted a fan club
And I know I need to consider all angles of it...

OP posts:

AutumnSummers · 28/04/2012 13:32

At least you are here to consider Hippie

That's the most responsible thing anyone can do in these cases.

Original poster

Hippymum89 · 28/04/2012 13:33

Sorry, just thought I'd shove the nusery thing in there
The point i was making was that the child would be cared for by me & family.
I would be v. happy for the child to have a relationship with the dad btw.

OP posts:

babybarrister · 28/04/2012 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AutumnSummers · 28/04/2012 13:36

Well if both Mum and Dad can see the child then there is no problem at all.

Original poster

Hippymum89 · 28/04/2012 13:36

ha ha, sorry babybarrister
was just feeling (fleetingly) defensive. It's all about choice, I know

OP posts:

tethersend · 28/04/2012 13:37

I work with children in care who have been abused and/or neglected, and I suppose this does colour my view on this issue; I find it very difficult to disapprove of a child being planned and brought into a loving family just because that family will only have one parent from the outset.

Plenty of two-parent families go horribly, horribly wrong.

Original poster

Hippymum89 · 28/04/2012 13:37

Does anyone know of anyone who's actually done or should I say 'not done it'!

OP posts:

ohgawd · 28/04/2012 13:38

I can't give advice. I don't think you are being selfish at all. Good luck.

Original poster

Hippymum89 · 28/04/2012 13:39

Especially from the single person point of view ( as opposed to infertile couples/ same-sex couples)

OP posts:

Kayano · 28/04/2012 13:40

Emmielu · 28/04/2012 13:40

I think lizzie has given the best option for what you're asking. Look into it op. Takes a lot of guts but you sound willing to take those guts & feelings & turn it into bringing up another child.

NagooIsBuildingAnArk · 28/04/2012 13:41

If you do it as a private arrangement you run the risk of the father trying to assert his parental rights, don't you? I don't think a contract would be legal at all

Codandchops · 28/04/2012 13:41

Okay, so next question is do you have any friends who might want to fulfil this role. It's quite a difficult decision to make for the man donating I would think. They will only have your word that you won't change your mind 5 years down the line and ask financial support - and I believe there have been one or two cases where exactly that has happened. In some ways you might be better off with a clinic but I can understand why you don't want to do that.

Oscalito · 28/04/2012 13:48

Plenty of two-parent families go horribly, horribly wrong.

This is what I always think when I hear of women going it alone. I think it's a brave thing to do, and I hope it becomes more the norm. It seems unfair to me that women who would make wonderful mothers (not your case OP but you know what i mean) don't get the chance because they can't find available sperm in time. I know that sounds crude but that's basically what it boils down to.

It's not something lesbian couples have to worry about - they are forced to find ways around it as they don't have the option of a male partner - and I secretly hope it will become more common as some of my lovely straight single friends, who earn good money, would make such great mums but are so caught up in finding a man first that they may miss the boat.....

Don't have anything else to add except good luck.

birdsofshoreandsea · 28/04/2012 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iteotwawki · 28/04/2012 13:56

I have a very close friend who was / is single but desperate for a child. She was in her late 30s, feeling time running out etc and decided on IVF (privately funded) with a donor.

The clinic found her a donor whose reason for being so was that he had a wife and family, loved his children and wanted to help others enjoy having and being a family. He donated under the same sorts of conditions as have been mentioned - no ongoing contact, no financial responsibility and no input into day to day parenting decisions but completely open to any children contacting him when older to discuss his reasons for donating and to find out about their bio father. He also provided a full personal and family medical history for the child.

Sadly all 3 attempts failed so she has decided that at least she tried and will now try to get on with life and do other things.

However she would have made a fab mother and a child would have been very much wanted and loved.

So I don't think YABU at all, but you need to find a donor with similar expectations to you.

SeoraeMaeul · 28/04/2012 13:57

I just don't understand why the clinic route is a no go? Ive got friends who've done both - clinic and also known sperm donor, so can see the pluses and minuses on both. Why not a clinic - what is your concern there if you don't actually want your child involved with father?

Nancy66 · 28/04/2012 14:00

Any sperm from a UK cinic will be anonymous to you (any resulting off spring can contact the donor when he/she is 18 should they wish).

A solution may be to import sperm from the US where you can have ID'd donors and see what they look like.....

Flip

1 2 3 4 5