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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

by trying to support 6yo DSS in trying to get dry overnight (long,sorry!)

79 replies

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:11

Ok, DSS is 6, and is quite a big boy for his age (tall, not fat!) During the day he is totally dry but has never been dry at night. DH, his mum and I have all taken the same approach in terms of not stressing him about it but things are getting worse as he gets older - despite him wearing night nappies and having a mattress protector, he is still overflowing and often waking up in wet clothes and sheets. He drinks a lot, has had several tests showing ketones in urine but has tested negative for diabetes.

DSS is, and always has been, a very heavy sleeper. His mum has talked to his doctor who refuses to do anything until he's 7. Lifting does not work as he just will not wake up so we have been trying to limit fluids in the evenings. He always goes to the toilet before bed but...here's the problem. His mum will always give him a drink to take to bed, and it is always empty by the morning. He drinks it pretty much as soon as she leaves the room just after tucking him in (I've been at hers at bedtime and heard him do this - cheeky monkey!)

When he stays at ours each weekend, we don't let him have a drink as we explain it'll help him to get through the night without wetting. He accepts this but for a couple of weeks he's been really pushing for a drink, and DH has 'caved' by saying he'll bring a drink up when we go to bed. DSS then wakes up in the middle of the night, drinks it all and wakes up wet :(

Tonight when we put him to bed, DH again promised a drink. I then added 'can you make us a promise...if you do wake up and decide to have a drink, will you then go and have a wee straight afterwards?'...DSS looked very dubious and said he just wanted to stay in bed! He has a night light in his room and in the hallway. He is next door to the toilet. AIBU in trying to move things forward and WIBU to speak to DH about stopping bedtime drinks? Am just soooo fed up of stinky wet sheets and condescending looks from others when they see him in night nappies, plus the overall feeling of going along with unhelpful routines...

OP posts:

FeakAndWeeble · 27/04/2012 21:15

I'd be more unhappy that DSS said he'd rather just stay in bed than take himself to the toilet in order to prevent him wetting the bed. It doesn't sound as though he's making a lot of effort himself to try and solve this problem. I'm sorry if I sound unsympathetic (I'm not), but he's six, and that's old enough to accept some responsibility and take himself to the loo after he has a drink in the middle of the night.

trixymalixy · 27/04/2012 21:19

YABU,My nephew is 12 and still not dry at night. He is a very heavy sleeper and they have tried everything, hypnosis, bed wetting alarms, medicines. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer.

Given that the GP will not refer until age 7 I think that should be telling you that not being dry at night age 6 is pretty common.

Particularly as this is your DSS rather than your DS, I think you should leave it to your DH and your DSS' mum.

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:20

Good point- I have thought the same myself, that he just thinks it's easier to pee in the nappy rather than walk to the toilet. Just feel really stuck in this situation as I don't want to be seen to be criticising DSS or his mum. I get along with them both really well but it's so hard sometimes with things like this where we have totally different approaches. I don't have any children of my own but am I right in thinking 6 is quite old to be at this stage? There is absolutely no sign whatsoever of him becoming dry overnight even though he's been fine during the day for about 2.5 years now.

OP posts:

bibbitybobbitybunny · 27/04/2012 21:20

Yabu

sparkles281 · 27/04/2012 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:25

Oops - x -posted with trixy. Totally understand where you're coming from and have been biting my tongue for a long while on this and will continue to do so! But...I think the main difference between DSS and the child you mentioned is as Feak said - he is often awake at night to slurp his drink - when he's asleep he's very hard to wake up but if he's awake enough to drink, surely he can get to the loo as well?

Anyway, like I said, I can't actually do much about it as he's not mine but still is very frustrating :(

OP posts:

Chrysanthemum5 · 27/04/2012 21:26

I think YANBU in wanting to help. I think stopping the night time drink would be reasonable. I know he's your DSS rather than DC but it sounds like he needs an adult to say what's reasonable (rather than just giving in to his requests for a drink).

Although if he goes home, and continues to have his night time drinks there then I'm not sure how much progress you will make. But that is absolutely something your DH should handle.

trixymalixy · 27/04/2012 21:30

ERIC, the bedwetting charity say that it's not necessary to limit drinks before bedtime. There is no evidence to suggest it helps.

www.eric.org.uk/assets/Fluid%20intake.pdf

JellyMould · 27/04/2012 21:33

I think letting him have the drink, but encouraging him to take responsibility by going to the toilet, is a good idea.

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:33

Thanks for responses so far...I just wanted to make it clear that although his mum and I do have very different approaches in a lot of ways, I have never and will never confront her over any of these. It's DH who does so if he feels it's necessary-I don't want any confrontations over anything. Am not posting this to ask people if you feel I need to start a new regime for overnight dryness or tell his mum she's wrong, it's pretty much whether it'd be reasonable to try and get DSS to agree to try and get himself to the loo in return for a drink at night rather than wetting the bed? I was just flabbergasted at his reaction, hence the thought about taking the bedtime drink away as he wouldn't agree to wee if he had it.

OP posts:

ReallyTired · 27/04/2012 21:34

I think you need to wait until he wants to be dry at night. My niece wore nappies until six and half. My SIL got her dry with a bed wetting alarm.
However my niece wanted to get rid of nappies.

There is a lot of genetics involved and a child cannot be dry until they are ready.

Prehaps an alternative to consider is cloth nighttime pants/ cloth nappies. That wayif he does wee in them he will feel uncomfortable.

www.minkinappies.co.uk/product_info.php?cPath=57&products_id=451

If you stuff it with microfibre cloths it will be absorbant. You need to wash the microfibre cloths three times before use.

www.minkinappies.co.uk/index.php?cPath=57

www.kittykins.co.uk/nappy/mother-ease/1168.html

BulletProofMum · 27/04/2012 21:37

My ds is 7.5 and we have the same problem. We've tried everything, I just think he's a very deep sleeper. He hates wearing pull ups and is trying. I think younjustbhave to accept some take longer

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:38

Hmmm...he does definitely want to be dry, he says so each morning and hates the wetness he wakes up with. Trixy I take your point but with him we have definitely noticed he didn't overflow nearly as much when we did restrict bedtime drinks (although may have been coincidence). Maybe he has a smaller than average bladder? I don't know...!

OP posts:

ReallyTired · 27/04/2012 21:39

Would you consider lifting him at your bedtime?

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:44

We have tried it but he just will not wake up. He sleeps so deeply! If he wants to wake up he's fine but it is absolutely impossible to wake him if he does not want to. As far as I know, lifting is only useful if the child is aware of what they're doing - is that right?

OP posts:

Popoozle · 27/04/2012 21:45

DS1 needed nappy pants at night until he was roughly 7.5. DS2 was dry both day and night roughly a week after his 2nd birthday.

Different children are capable of different things. What does the fact that "pyjama pants" are sold in most supermarkets for ages way beyond 6 yrs tell you?

bibbitybobbitybunny · 27/04/2012 21:47

but why is this in aibu?

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:51

...but the whole point of the post is Aibu to ask him to wee in the toilet when he's awake and drinking in the middle of the night? The more responses I get and the more I think about this, the more I'm starting to think that if he emptied his bladder at the same time he filled it during the night, things would be better maybe. Not perfect, but better. Just wish he'd try it- if he had a morning where he woke up drier than normal, he'd be over the moon :)

OP posts:

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:52

Bibbity I think some people are missing the point. It's not asking for help in getting him dry, it's asking Aibu to ask him to wee after having a drink? I know it's a long post but hopefully it's all in there...

OP posts:

chipmunksex · 27/04/2012 21:53

I agree with the poster who said he will do it when he wants to.

I would just concentrate on practical things like absorbant pads or sheets to make bed changing easier and keep things positive.

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 21:55

Ok thanks chipmunk...only problem is he wees so much he even goes through pull ups and pads in bed! :/

OP posts:

DaisyHayes · 27/04/2012 21:59

Could he have a drink in his room but somewhere away from his bed - maybe on the chest of drawers next to a small nightlight? - so that if he wakes up and is thirsty he can easily have a drink but then he's out of bed anyway, so could have a wee too? Maybe even have a potty there so he doesn't have to walk to the loo?

PBandJSandwiches · 27/04/2012 22:02

Not wetting at night is a hormonal switch. Some get it later than others. This is why, as PP said, lifting and restricting drinks do not help, as advised by ERIC. Also why GPs dont refer until after seven.

It is possible that if a drink is on the side table he is awake enough to reach over, but not necessarily to get up. I know I can have a sip at night and still be half asleep.

TBH., you may want him dry, he may/may not want to be dry, but until his body gets into gear, I am afraid you will jsut have to roll with it.

Original poster

spg1983 · 27/04/2012 22:03

Oooh I like that idea! Thanks Daisy :)

OP posts:

MsVestibule · 27/04/2012 22:06

SPG - no, YANBU to expect him to get up in the night to go for a wee. My DD has done this since she was four. As you say, if he's awake enough to drink, he's awake enough to get up. Does he say why he doesn't want to? Is he scared? (Understandable.)

I don't get why he needs a drink in the night. I would have thought that if he's drunk a reasonable amount during the day, he shouldn't need more than a few sips if he wakes up through the night? I would encourage your DH to stop this, although he doesn't sound keen .

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