To not feel comfortable with this?

[SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud]

I'm going bridesmaid shopping with my sister on sunday, and the original plan was that DP would have DD. But now DP wants to work on our extension instead so said his mum can have her for a few hours. MIL has said this is fine but I'm not happy with it. MIL was in an accident a few years ago and has a very badly damaged leg which has left her limited with her mobility. She is already looking after her eldest sons baby 8mo who is just crawling, DD is 10mo, crawling like lightening, walking round the furniture and into EVERYTHING.

I'm just not happy with her looking after 2 crawling babies at once when her mobility isn't the best. She says she is happy to have DD but she tends to overdo things. She kind of ignores her disablity iyswim?

I can't take DD with me. Going to MeadowHell (if anyone doesn't know what that is, it's a massive shopping centre). I took DD when she was 5mo and it was awful, she was so bored and it would be worse if I took her now.

AIRBTU?

Graham, her partner agreed to look after her baby. He should do so.

Or are the mothers of screamers not allowed any time off EVER, just because you didn't think it necessary?

I had to have bloody smear tests with that level of noise going on, I know what it is like and I just had to get on with it.

I still wouldn't have spoiled someone else's shopping trip by taking him along.

Inizdoddle said the only stuff that needed to be said. Tell DP to have the child
[grins] at all the nutters on here. Oh how I love mumsnet. Take no bloody notice OP.

it is like a martyr competition

There's different sorts of shopping though, right? Mine had to come to ASDA, like it or not because they had to for family essentials. Shopping for bridesmaid's dresses is not a family essential and I can absolutely understand why the 10mo old would be best left out of it.

exactly

She's 47! It's hardly the new 70, is it?

Most of your concerns are completely spurious - When your dd went last time (at 5 months) she was bored! How in the name of God do you know?
Your mil believes in CIO! She's looking after your dd for a couple of hours at most, not fostering her for a couple of months. Unless she will stay overnight, this is irrelevant. How come the other baby survives, presumably unscathed?
Your dislike of your mil is so obvious here, I hope you're less overt about it in rl

Just don't understand all the crap being flung at OP for perfectly legitimate concerns - looking especially hard at smug Graham who clearly has her own issues completely irrelevant to what the OP is asking for. Wedding related shopping expedition with a packed agenda and a restive child just don't mix.

I think YANBU to be worried about the safety aspects of the arrangement with MIL even if in reality nothing much is likely to happen. Have a chat with DP and see if you can't come up with a solution that suits you both. You don't want to force him to say he'll have her if he'll then turn around and take her to MIL's anyway. Would he do that?

Have you all taken leave of your senses? Bring a screaming sticky baby wedding shopping? This is the other side of those how dare they not invite my Kidd to their wedding threads, complete with total antipathy to a bride wanting to enjoy somepart of the proceedings.
Ignore the lot of em op.
I see your dh point. His project is weather dependent, but it's not like you can rearrange either. Do not take it on yourself to make arrangements.
Though someone had the great idea Avi to

There is a crèche at meadowhell. Fwiw I would rather endure natural childbirth than take a 10mo shopping there on a Saturday.

GrahamTribe a child might not die from being strapped in a pushchair all day, but the constant thrashing, head banging and screaming would be very unpleasant for the other adults in the shopping trip. Oh, and when they start to pull their hair out and rip the skin on their face with their nails, it gets embarrassing.

The great idea above - let mil come to your baby proe, no housework and outdo neof harby if needs be.

Weeps at this bollocking. Phone.

Gives up

Yanbu Op!

I took DD3, (who is 11 months old and a pretty laid back child), clothes shopping on Tuesday & it was a pretty rubbish experience for us both. She did get fed up of looking around shops and going in and out of changing rooms. We were there less than 2hrs and I didn't end up buying anything new, so I can completely understand your concerns.

I also would worry about leaving two babies in a house that it not baby proofed with someone who is not used to caring for them both at once. That seems way too much.

I would tell your DH that mil is already looking after the cousin and won't be able to look after your dd too.

I do agree you are totally entitled to a shopping day without a baby, much nicer experience and much easier of course but if you won't leave your DD with MIL (I wouldn't either from what you have said) and you cannot say to your DH that he needs to look after his child then you have no other choice other than to rearrange.

At the end of the day your DH should not have gone back on the agreement and I assume you have told him how you feel? I would be really cross he is going back on his word regardless of the reason (except an emergency of course).

Ask your MIL to come to your house. Your house is presumably more child-proof, your DH will be there in case of an emergency, you won't have to worry.

Yanbu

Why should you have to take dd shopping when childcare was already arranged with dp. I don't think it is a good idea to take a baby with you for.bridesmaid dresses. One shop I went to didn't allow children anyway.

I can understand your worries about Mil with 2 crawly babies. I would suggest Mil comes.to your house or dp has to stick to the original plan. Do u know he won't just drop Dd with his mum anyway when u go out?

Not sure if anyone else has said this but your DD is as much your DH's as yours. If he thinks that his mother is capable and happy to look after her GD than you should be fine with that.

How would you feel if he wouldn't let your mum look after your DD for some spurious reason?

Is she really only 47? Becasues the way you are posting I would expect her to be nearer to 87.

Wish I had read:

Floggingmolly Thu 26-Apr-12 19:56:43

She has the situation described perfectly (and it now looks like I copied spurious!).

Jeez, it's threads like these that make me so pleased that I'm not (knowingly) surrounded by MN'rs in RL!!!!!

OP, firstly, YANBU. Your DH agreed to look after your DD so he should see that through.

A relaxing day out searching for dresses is not going to be just that with a, oooh, dare I say it, bored 10mo. I have a DS like your DD (and seem to have cultivated another one too now }, and I did actually take him to one shop, with one friend, looking for a BM dress when he was 10mo. I hoped he'd stay in his pram and eat. Oh no. He ate, then squirmed and screamed until I let him out, then proceeded to spend the next however long trying to topple the full-length mirrors over . Luckily the shop assistants were lovely (it was a very cool retro shop, not a typical snooty wedding shop) and helped us out. But it was not fun or relaxing for any of us, and one shop was more than enough.

Just because some of you have no choice but to take your DC's everywhere doesn't mean that the OP has too. I don;t see why it;s such a ridiculous notion that a 10mo may NOT be happy sat in a pram all day when mum tried on dresses. All babies are different, some are more relaxed and easy going than others (I'll be ordering one of those next time!)

His brother is 6mo, and I have actually been stopped in the shopping centre before by someone "suggesting" he needed to be taken home and fed (I'd just finished feeding him actually) as he was causing such a racket.

Unfortunately you made the mistake of drip-feeding a little bit which is a hienous mistake on here. That is not cool I'm afraid.

But, I do get the issue with your MIL. Although my MIL does not have any health issues ( which of course does not preclude you looking after a child, but unrealistic expectations of yourself maybe an issue), she does have a far more relaxed attitude to parenting than me. I struggle with this, as yes my DH and his siblings all survived their childhood, but they actually do all have various scars from incidents they had at home when they were small! Not that she could have avoided all of these but some of the things she thinks its alright for children to do, I don't really agree with!

HOWEVER she does look after my DS's because it's good for them and it's good for her (and so far they have all survived )

Garcia It's the only word that fits . Great minds, eh?

My DD hates shopping. She's 2 and the only way I could get her out of the house when she was 10months old was in a sling.

Looking at your replies, your DP needs to put the building work off (doubt it'll be dry enough anyway).

Oh and those saying the DD will turn into a spoilt princess, my DN was like this and is now a fab 15 year old, who competes at gymnastics at an international level!

Can't your dh just wrap her up warm and stick her in the buggy at a safe distance while he's bricklaying? A bit of crying shouldn't disturb anyone else and he can sing or talk to her while he is working. Much less hassle than taking her round a bridal shop which quite frankly I wouldn't fancy either.

Just wanted to add another YANBU. I think that your DH should stick to the agreement, especially as other people's weekends have been arranged for this trip. He could still look after DD and get a bit of extension work done (assuming its not too noisy) if you really think that it would be too much for your MIL.

This thread just goes to show that how an OP's posts are written really affect the responses you get. I "get" what the OP meant by her DD being "bored" although maybe "restless" might have not got people's attention in quite the same way! My DS who's now 4 could have been taken anywhere at that age. My DD, now 9 months - no way! She's not a screamer, spoiled or any of the other words used by previous posters - she's just a different baby who's not content to sit in the pram for hours on end.