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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel comfortable with this?

126 replies

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 16:37

I'm going bridesmaid shopping with my sister on sunday, and the original plan was that DP would have DD. But now DP wants to work on our extension instead so said his mum can have her for a few hours. MIL has said this is fine but I'm not happy with it. MIL was in an accident a few years ago and has a very badly damaged leg which has left her limited with her mobility. She is already looking after her eldest sons baby 8mo who is just crawling, DD is 10mo, crawling like lightening, walking round the furniture and into EVERYTHING.

I'm just not happy with her looking after 2 crawling babies at once when her mobility isn't the best. She says she is happy to have DD but she tends to overdo things. She kind of ignores her disablity iyswim?

I can't take DD with me. Going to MeadowHell (if anyone doesn't know what that is, it's a massive shopping centre). I took DD when she was 5mo and it was awful, she was so bored and it would be worse if I took her now.

AIRBTU?

OP posts:

lou2321 · 26/04/2012 17:39

I think you should tell your DP that he agreed to look after DD so he should, its a bit out of order especially if he knows how you feel.

However I think it is a little bit silly that you are unable to take a 10mth old shopping with you, surely she should be able to amuse herself with a few toys in the buggy and lots of snacks! All babies want constant attention and if you give it to them then they will want more. Obviously they need attention but surely you have to leave her sometimes as how would you manage to do anything if you have her with you?

lou2321 · 26/04/2012 17:40

at Mordecai!!!

StrandedBear · 26/04/2012 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 17:43

Don't wrap this up as concern for her mobility problems - you don't like her, plain and simple. Tell your dh to look after the baby or look after her yourself and don't go to Meadowhell.

fedupofnamechanging · 26/04/2012 17:45

Babies and bridal shops do not mix. I have actually done this kind of shopping trip with a baby of around this age and it was not a fun experience. Lots of bridal shops have stairs and not much room to park a buggy - and are full of things that a sticky kid can't touch (I remember the look of horror I received form the owners of one or two dress shops). Your child will literally be confined to his buggy. And you will waste loads of time, what with all the breaks for nappy changing/feeding.

fedupofnamechanging · 26/04/2012 17:47

How many times do you read threads on here questioning the wisdom of some poor woman who's taken her kids to the supermarket and here you all are advocating she takes one to wedding dress shops. Total madness!

mathanxiety · 26/04/2012 17:51

While I think YANBU about the safety issues you have outlined, this is mostly an issue between your DH and you. If he thinks his mother will be ok with both your baby and the cousin, does he get any say in the matter? It is his baby too after all.

Since your DH agreed to be responsible then I think you need to communicate your concerns to him and if he agrees with them, let him deal with the issues and take the responsibility himself. If he doesn't see a problem, would you take his opinions on board? Are the two of you able to co-operate as parents or is parenthood something you do while he does 'manly' things like attending to the extension? Your H is a parent just as you are and you and he should be able to shoulder equal responsibility and each make an effort to be on the same page.

Will he be responsible for making his mother's living room safe for the babies? Will he tell his mother to pick up the DD when she cries and monitor her instead of getting on with housework? Could you compromise and have the mother and the little cousin spend the time at your house as suggested?

Taking a baby who is crawling for a bridesmaid-related shopping expedition would be a nightmare and not fair to the other party involved. Crawling babies do not like to be tied into a buggy for lengthy periods.

I find it really odd that you accept your H just changing his mind here and expecting you to just deal with it yourself.

Original poster

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 17:54

Well I'm not questioning your capabilities Mordecai , I'm questioning my MILs. I lived with her for a year, I've been on holiday with her for 2 weeks. I know her pretty well tbh. And I know that she often over does things and ends up seriously regretting it later on. Her leg is very badly damaged, she has this electrical thing in her leg that sends currents up and down it (same as what an electric fence feels like) to keep her circulation going in it (I think).

I think that looking after 2 crawling babies at once will be too much for her. And I don't like her methods.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 17:55

So tell your dh.

DontmindifIdo · 26/04/2012 17:57

So you do'nt think your MIL is a suitable person to babysit, therefore your DH has to do what he said he would when you agreed the shopping trip, or you find someone else, or you try to take your DD with you (I'd reschedule for when your DH will look after your DD)

glenthebattleostrich · 26/04/2012 18:02

Your mad to go to meadowhell on a Saturday or any day, hate the place

YANBU to expect your DP to take responsibility for his child for 1 day. If you do end up taking DD with you could you not take her to the soft play bit to tire herself out and then do the shopping when she naps? This still works with my 2 year old.

Oh and I refuse to leave DD with anyone who doesn't respect my parenting methods which is why my DM is at the bottom of the list.

Original poster

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 18:07

It's my sister who wants to go. She's getting married in june and I'm a bridesmaid. There's 4 of us going, so it wouldn't really be fair on anyone if I took her.

OP posts:

Growlithe · 26/04/2012 18:13

Who's going to hold the baby when you are being bridesmaid, if she is that clingy for you?

HollyHut · 26/04/2012 18:15

Sorry but a 5 month old was bored? So you will never go shopping again until your baby goes to school? Surely not! I get not wanting To take her to the bridal shop and not wanting MIL to look after her. But never going somewhere because your baby might get bored is ludicrous. I've got a 9 month old DD, she probably doesn't love coming to Morrisons with me but she does, sometimes the baby has to fit round you. Also i went to Meadowhall last week and I took my DD

CallMeAl · 26/04/2012 18:16

Yabu to pretend its about her disability, when really its that you neither like or trust her.

mathanxiety · 26/04/2012 18:17

Your DH has dropped the ball in a big way here, assuming he knows how you feel about his mother.

mathanxiety · 26/04/2012 18:20

I don't think this should be about the OP and the way she sees fit to be a mother to her baby. It should be about the DH and hos he sees fit to shirk his responsibility and underestimate the importance of this shopping trip. It's not a day out for the OP that could be done any time. It is a purposeful trip to do with a once in a lifetime event.

pinktrees · 26/04/2012 18:27

Looking after 2 mobile babies is a tough job for anyone IMO, particularly in a house that might not be babyproofed (assuming MIL's isn't). I am fully mobile and have a 4yo and a 6yo but would think that if I was asked to look after an 8mo and 10mo for a day now, I would think I would find it a fairly intense task. I am probably a couple of decades younger than your MIL as well.

Anyway, if you feel your DD will not be safe, you should take her with you, regardless of how much of a shit it will be.

Original poster

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 18:28

Of course I take her shopping , but not when we'll be in and out of numerous shops and changing rooms. My DD gets very bored, Very quickly. That's just how she is. Good for you if you took a 9mo to meadowhall and it wasn't awful.

OP posts:

cherryjelly · 26/04/2012 18:30

My MIL is disabled we have had a few scares because she hasn't been able to quickly move when my neices and nephews have done dangerous things under her care, so I can see how that can be a worry if your MIL's capabilities and home is like my MIL's.

Your DP should look after your DC

Original poster

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 18:31

Oh, MIL is 47.

OP posts:

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 26/04/2012 18:34

YANBU not to feel comfortable with it, two mobile babies is a lot for anyone to manage never mind someone with what sounds like quite bad health problems. Can your DH not take a day off from DIY as I agree that bridal shops would not be the best place with a baby and she would be likely to kick off at some point.

Original poster

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 18:45

DP has to work around the weather and his job, he's planning on bricklaying all weekend and you can't do that in the rain we've had today!

And I don't get how people are getting that I don't like MIL, I do, I just don't like the way she parents my child when she's in her care.

OP posts:

GrahamTribe · 26/04/2012 18:47

Your child is 9 months old and you "can't" take her to a shopping centre because she "gets bored"! I've heard it all now! PMSL. I had a relative who had exactly the same odd ideas about her child. Her daughter is 14 now and one of the most spoiled, demanding, precious brats you could ever have the displeasure of meeting.

Just sayin'.

Well honey, it looks like her father is going to have to care for your Precious First Princess instead then, if your MIL isn't good enough capable in your eyes.

AmberLeaf · 26/04/2012 18:48

Oh, MIL is 47

Erm...and? is that meant to indicate ancientness?

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