Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel comfortable with this?

126 replies

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 16:37

I'm going bridesmaid shopping with my sister on sunday, and the original plan was that DP would have DD. But now DP wants to work on our extension instead so said his mum can have her for a few hours. MIL has said this is fine but I'm not happy with it. MIL was in an accident a few years ago and has a very badly damaged leg which has left her limited with her mobility. She is already looking after her eldest sons baby 8mo who is just crawling, DD is 10mo, crawling like lightening, walking round the furniture and into EVERYTHING.

I'm just not happy with her looking after 2 crawling babies at once when her mobility isn't the best. She says she is happy to have DD but she tends to overdo things. She kind of ignores her disablity iyswim?

I can't take DD with me. Going to MeadowHell (if anyone doesn't know what that is, it's a massive shopping centre). I took DD when she was 5mo and it was awful, she was so bored and it would be worse if I took her now.

AIRBTU?

OP posts:
seeker · 26/04/2012 18:54

Why did you say it was about her disability when it wasn't?

And what is her being 47 got to do with it? Don you consider that too old to look after babies?

LynetteScavo · 26/04/2012 18:54

OP, I get you about the baby getting bored, and not being able to go shopping. I had one of those, (and two who were quite happy to be pushed around in a pushchair all day). Anyone who doesn't understand this, think yourselves lucky.

I''m sorry, but the extention will just have to wait unless your DP can arrange altternativ care, which he won't.

valiumredhead · 26/04/2012 18:55

You will be 47 one day OP

AmberLeaf · 26/04/2012 18:59

I know a 47 yr old mum with a pre-schooler!

doormat · 26/04/2012 19:01

as a nan i would be extremely hurt if my ddil didnt want me took after the baby :(

GrahamTribe · 26/04/2012 19:02

Lynette, the baby is perfectly able to be taken shopping. You and the OP might not want to take them but that's completely different. I'm no GP but I can assure you that no child has yet died of boredom, as a result of being put in a buggy and taken shopping or otherwise.

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 19:04

Nooooo I didn't mean 47 is too old! I'm not sure why I put her age tbh.

Graham if you think I have so-called "odd ideas" feel free to put my 10mo DD in a buggy and see how long she lasts before she is screaming her head off because she wants out.

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 26/04/2012 19:06

OP, I completely understand why you don't want to take your DD with you - my DS would have been fine, my DD a complete nightmare. I would have ended up either leaving the expedition early and / or agreeing to something hideous just to get it all over with.

I don't know what the right answer is re your DH or MiL looking after her instead, but I would say that if you don't ever ever let MiL look after your DD it would be a shame as they get to bond much better without us parents around (and it can indeed be handy to have another baby sitter!)

mathanxiety · 26/04/2012 19:06

Oi I'm 47, and fully mobile, but I would find taking care of two crawling babies for a few hours in a non-childproofed house with an unprotected fireplace a challenge. I think the fact the the MIL doesn't see there might be an issue here says it all about her and I think the OP is right to feel nervous. This isn't pfbism running amok. Your DH needs to do better than just shrug about bricklaying and weather here.

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 19:08

You'd get about 2.5 - 3hrs, max.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't enjoy pushing round a screaming, bored (yes, BORED) baby all day.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 19:08

Anyone else picturing the OP walking down the aisle in her bridesmaid dress...wearing the baby in a sling? Grin

Sorry OP Blush

Can you ask someone else to mind her?

SarahBumBarer · 26/04/2012 19:09

Most 10 month olds take an interest in the world around them because so much is new and interesting to them. I find the idea of a 10 month old getting bored in a shopping centre... unusual.

HumphreyCobbler · 26/04/2012 19:12

my ds would have yelled, screamed to get out and generally make my shopping trip a misery at 10 months. He has not grown up spoiled or precious, just lively. I don't blame you for not wanting to take him. I also don't blame you for not wanting your baby to be left in a room on their own with loads of ornaments Grin. It will end badly.

Tell your DH to suck it up and stick to the original plan.

Tiddlyompompom · 26/04/2012 19:12

For goodness sakes, the OP never said her concern was for the MILs health, it was that her limited mobility would impede her ability to look after two crawling babies at once! Which I think is a fair point. So YANBU OP. I don't really get the need for the offended-on-behalf-of-MiL comments.

Also, of course she's able to take her DD to a shopping centre if she needed to, but this isn't a mooch around the shops for a new top, it's a planned bridesmaid trip with the bride and other bridesmaids, and hardly appropriate to suddenly take her baby with her. She'd prob have to spend half her time waiting outside the shops pushing the buggy back and forth while the others had a nice time, and then leave early anyway!

Best suggestion so far was that MIL and small cousin spend the day at OPs childproof house, while DP does the bricklaying. At least the environment will be safer for small ones, and if MIL needs help she can call her son in. Everybody happy. [hopeful emoticon]

GrahamTribe · 26/04/2012 19:12

"Graham if you think I have so-called "odd ideas" feel free to put my 10mo DD in a buggy and see how long she lasts before she is screaming her head off because she wants out."

And? Hmm Sure I'd take her. You think I've never done it? You think I don't know what it's like to have a child which screams? She screams, so she screams. I'm the adult, I need to go somewhere, the DC gets put in the buggy and off we go, I never put my life on hold because of the screams of a 9 month old or I'd never have gone anywhere.

HumphreyCobbler · 26/04/2012 19:13

some children want to get out of the bloody buggy at all costs. Especially when it stops moving for more than two seconds. Honestly. I was not precious about it at all, just pissed off actually.

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 19:15

Germs I don't like her parenting style, but I do let her have DD, I can't say I'm 100% happy with it though. I just don't like the idea of her having both babies together.

I'm 20 and I'd find 2 crawling babies a challenge!

OP posts:
nizlopi · 26/04/2012 19:15

You have 4 choices here Op, from what I see

  1. Tell your husband that the building work will have to wait, because he said he'd watch your daughter whilst you went out.

  2. Take your daughter shopping with you, and stop being so fucking precious about it.

  3. Let your MIL take care of your daughter as offered.

  4. Rearrange your shopping trip for a time when suitable childcare is available.

ITS NOT THAT HARD

HumphreyCobbler · 26/04/2012 19:15

but why should she have to put up with the screaming? How much dress shopping can you do when your child is screaming? How pissed off would your (presumably childless) friends be at having a much looked forward to shopping trip spoiled by a yelling baby?

I had a million trips around the supermarket with a screaming child. I just got on with it. But I would not have taken him on a trip like this.

I think all those who are suggesting it have children like my dd.

mathanxiety · 26/04/2012 19:15

GrahamTribe, in theory every baby can physically be taken shopping, that much is perfectly true. In practice, shopping becomes an unproductive nightmare when a baby spends most of her time screeching and trying to climb out of the buggy. It's not a question of not wanting to take a baby either, any more than unwillingness to strap a baby into a buggy and take her to your dental appointment would be a question of just not wanting to take the baby along.

This is sensible anticipation of the serious spanner in the works that a fussy baby would be able to throw into a planned trip to sort out an important part of the wedding of one of the shoppers, not a shopping trip where the shoppers can devote their time and attention to a baby who didn't get the memo about the theoretical possibility of taking her shopping.

HumphreyCobbler · 26/04/2012 19:17

you are all being so rude to the OP

is it because she used the phrase bored? I think what she probably meant was demanding. And LOUD.

MissFaversham · 26/04/2012 19:18

OP I'd not bring a little one to a bridal shop either. If you think your MIL shouldn't have her, Tell your DP he has to.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2012 19:19

Spot on Graham

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 26/04/2012 19:19

Sarah DD is like her dad, not happy sitting and doing nothing, she has to be up and about on the move. She'd love to go to a shopping centre if she was allowed to just crawl around on the floor and play and climb up everything. Sat in a buggy just looking would bore her to tears, literally!

OP posts:
Fourlotsoftrouble · 26/04/2012 19:19

I also have a 10 mth old who will not stay in a pram for any length of time & would definitely not take her shopping! I also think having 2 babies to look after is hard work for any one not around them all time, I think it is not safe to leave her so husband may have to look after her or you can't go, I can't see another solution.

Swipe left for the next trending thread