to find mil's continuous incorrect advice annoying and a bit hurtful?

[fullofregrets]

I am a type 1 diabetic. I have been for nearly 20 years. Alas mil seems to think that she is the guru on the subject as her sil has type 2 diabetes.
She also sometimes reads things in the papers and makes the following sort of comments:

'I read that if you eat healthy and exercise you might be able to stop your injections.' -nope, that's type 2 and certainly wouldnt apply to all type 2s anyway.

'If you lose weight you might not be diabetic anymore.' I'm a size 8. When I pointed this out she said 'that's just what I read.'

'I heard that if you are fat you are more likely to be diabetic, were you fat when you were diagnosed?' No. And type 1 has nothing to do with weight and not all type 2 does either.

'Did you eat a lot of sweets when you were little? Do you think that's why you're diabetic?'

I politely rebuff and try and tell myself she is trying to be helpful in a tactless misguided way. But actually I find the suggestion that I have somehow brought this miserable condition on myself and 'deserve it' quite hurtful. And it is never me that brings it up as I don't really talk.about it, always her.

The answer to "will you pass it on to him" is "it's not hereditary, as I've said before. A child is more likely to inherit their grandparent's stupidity but thankfully I don't think he has"

Or
"I find your comments really hurtful"
"You are being rude"
"You are wrong"
"What a silly thing to say"
followed by a bland comment on the weather and a swift change of subject.

Or start making unsubstantiated comments about senile dementia ...

Shoot her.

bertha that's brilliant! I shall think it even if I don't say it!

I live in fear of DS developing it, mostly because it would make his life so much harder but also partly because mil would have a field day.
There is a small hereditary factor (less likely if the mother has diabetes than the father for some reason), but I don't think I will try and explain that. It will add fuel to her nonsensical fire.

Have you actually explained exactly what type 1 diabetes is and the difference between that and type 2 diabetes?

Send her an information leaflet

Send her/or give her a leaflet, because it sounds like she doesn't listen to you

Some women witter on endlessly about diet, any chance she is one of these and has no other small talk?

To be fair to your MIL, there is an endless stream of stuff in the papers about Type 2 diabetes ATM because it has been decided that the obesity crisis is News. And very little of the coverage distinguishes - the headlines always just say "diabetes", so it's not enormously surprising that she gets confused (if she's slightly thick to start off with).

She obviously enjoys "knowing" stuff and passing it on, so it might be possible to get it through to her that gosh those silly old journalists always just say "diabetes" when they mean the specific sort that SIL has, not the sort I have. Being able to feel superior to journalists might be a powerful motivator.

Get a leaflet from the dr or print off stuff from NHS online and say "MIL as you are so interested in my condition, I thought you might like to read about. See page ... explains that type 1 like i have .... and type 2 is different ..." In my experience many older people worship drs as some kind of god, so she might take in information from this source.

That is very annoying that she is refusing to acknowledge that Type 1 and Type 2 are different. I can see how infuriating that would be. Could you give her a printout describing in simple terms the difference between the two types and every time she make a comment, say "Here have a read of this. It should help you to understand the difference between Type one that i have and Type 2, that you are describing."

You know, she's just old(er) & thinks she's being helpful or at worst, thinks she knows best.

Don't waste your time getting her leaflets because she's not interested. You should turn it round & ask those questions back, so say, do you think eating sweets when you are younger causes it then ? I weigh x stone, do you think I have any weight to lose ? Do you know the difference between type 1 & 2 ?

I expect that once you turn the questions back, she might lose interest.

As an aside, my mum stopped eating cucumber skin because "your body can't digest it". Dh & I laughed our heads off & she's not come out with any corkers for a while.

Also it annoys me that she passes judgement on me and yet she is much much bigger than I am! Not obese but definitely overweight.
I think I am very sensitive to the whole 'you must have been fat' 'you must have eaten too many sweets and chocolates' because I heard it from a few people whilst I was at school. In my teens I developed an eating disorder and weight dropped to 6 stone.
I appreciate this is not her fault and she doesn't know this but surely she can see i am not comfortable discussing my condition round a dinner table of 16 members of her family and friends. I've told her numerous times that type 2 and type 1 are very different. I wish they would rename them actually because the media are awful for sentsationalist headlines which actually only apply to type 2.
Although if I was a type 2 I'd get pretty cross with the media stating that it is all down to being overweight and inactive.

I'm tempted to show her this thread but don't think she would be very impressed! I will keep just repeating 'that doesn't apply to type 1' but I may finally flip if she asks about 'passing it on' to DS one more time!

I know you probably think you're already doing it- but I did also for years - but be firm. "manage" her, as you would staff, if you like. Last year I had anti viral fatigue. 14 months prior to it starting I ran a marathon. Both mil &fil made infuriating comments as to how this was to blame. I couldn't even debate the stupidness of muscle exhertion pains suddenly appearing 14 months on from the event so just used to say "no, it's related to a virus I had. It's random" it never worked.

So In the end I told her very firmly That being fit is a GOOD thing, and te only affect it had on my avf was maybe that I didn't suffer as much as I couldve; or recovered faster; as I was in such good health. That people often made comments but knew nothing about it and that it showed a certain arrogance to claim to know more than expert HCP despite having no real Knowledge on the subject. All said very calmly, in a slightly patronising fashion, and firmly. Subject closed. After that I developed a knack of removing myself from her stupid little dramas by firmly refusing to engage
You are def nbu, btw

In that case, I don't think it's about you, it's about her.

Realistically you're unlikely to change her, so you need to concoct some key statements to bat her away. As I said, turn the questions back to her & do it in front of the 16 family members & friends at the dinner table. Say, are you concerned with 'catching' diabetes now you're a bit overweight ? In the spirit of things, it's a nice simple question

Lequeen's advice about her 10 yr old brain was very good.

I'm sorry to hear of your eating disorder & it must be hugely frustrating with her muttering along all the time.

If she is discussing your weight in front of lots of people at the dinner table, the only thing to say is "You are being very rude. Shall we all discuss your weight now?" and if she replies with anything other than an apology or change of subject, try "So, are you concerned that you'll get Type 2, since you're overweight?"

This is good - ("what not to say to the parent of a Type 1 diabetic" - I know your ds isn't diabetic but the replies to all the silly things people say are great!).

I wish they'd rename the diseases too. Although the idea about not being able to eat sweets is so pervasive - I sat in hospital when ds2 was diagnosed thinking "oh no, no more chocolate". If I'd known then what I know now! There is me at 3am saying "please ds2, eat the smarties, you're hypo, just one more smartie ..."

is she like this about other things or just this?

When she makes comments about you "passing it on", just laugh and say "actually, he's far more likely to develop Type 2 diabetes from you constantly feeding him sweets, than he is of inheriting Type 1 diabetes from me!".

When she mentions it round the dinner table, just say politely "I'd rather not discuss my medical condition round the dinner table, thank you.". Then swiftly change the subject.

I can imagine how frustrating it is. Most of us have to suffer intrusive questions/comments (why are you vegetarian - I bet you wear leather shoes. Why aren't you married yet? Ooh, you're a SAHM, lucky you, must be lovely to just be at home all day. Why do you work FT, do you need to for financial reasons? Etc.) by it's really annoying when the same person does it over and over.

She is generally as subtle as a brick. But she is very nosy and a bit ott about everything. I am quite the opposite. I tend not to even tell people irl about being diabetic. When I worked before bring sahm I only told people who I worked immediately alongside and that was only because I knew at some point they were bound to see me treating a hypo or blood testing. Simply because I am quite a private person and also because I appreciate most people are not interested in my health problems. Except mil obviously who has an unhealthy interest!

bertha how old is your DS? I am full of admiration for my parents and all parents of children with diabetes. Now I have my own child I realise a lot more how worrying it must be.

first I love my insulin pump. It has change my life!

I second the 'just say nothing' and try to keep this face - or this one rather than this one

she is going to be like this about many things. just sit there thinking 'you are wrong' and 'i get to leave in X hours'
you are not going to change her.

I'm inclined to agree with LeQueen about letting it all wash over you if you can.

I have the same with my MIL re my underactive thyroid - she is forever asking me when I can stop taking my tablets (I can't) or if I can have it removed (erm, no, cos funnily enough then I'd have no thyroid at all).

And apparently I am overweight because I spend too long in hot baths of an evening and absorb the water through my skin which makes me heavier...

My DP has a pump! It's ace.

He was dx at 2 and tells me of glass syringes that his mum used to have to wash and peeing in a tube with a tablet in it- if it turned blue he was hypo.

Crazy how much things have moved on now- it's a shame people's attitudes haven't kept pace :(

Is the pump the same as the "electronic pancreas"? (That's what my friend calls it). Its sort of attached to her and she programmes stuff into it so still has to keep a bit of a tally on what she's scoffed but apparently its life changing? She says she's put weight on since having it but not sure why that is, didn't question it nor did I "notice" her weight gain.

Your MIL sounds like...a MIL. She's doing her job. Bah.

Shes' in Oz though so it may be "different" over there (everything is upside down including pancreases dontcha know)