To think this rude?

[Peppin]

DD's birthday party is on Saturday. She's taking a few friends swimming then back to ours for tea and sleepover.

Child A's mother accepted the invitation some time ago. Last night DD said that Child A had said at school that eithr (1) she couldn't come to DD's party at all any more because she'd been invited to Child B's party and the times overlapped; or (2) she could come to DD's party but only the swimming and not the tea because straight after swimming she had to go off to Child B's party (DD wasn't sure which).

I texted the mother asking whether Child A was still coming and she just rang to say yes, Child A has been asked to this other party which is a [ACTIVITY] party and she's never done [ACTIVITY] and really wants to go but it's at 4pm (we'll probably get back from swimming around then). I just said well we will probably be back in tome for you to pick her up at 4pm but I can't guarantee it, so you'll have to let me know. She said that's fine, we'll collect her as soon as you get back.

Now I am really annoyed because (1) I think this incredibly rude (2) I am pissed off with myself for not just saying "it's one or the other" and (3) I am appalled that any parent would give their child the message that it's OK to just chop and change when you have already accepted an invitation, because a better one comes along.

AIBU? And should I phone back and tell the parents that actually we might not get back in time so if Child A really prefers [ACTIVITY] party then best not come to ours?

you'll get used to it...

I think YABU.

sounds perfectly reasonable to me...she's not being rude about your party

They are rude, but you need to practice that ducks back a bit more and not get worked up over it. Focus on your dd having a good time.

Yes, I would do that. It is rude, when you accept an invitation it's not conditional on nothing more interesting cropping up in the meantime.
She's also teaching her dd to try to have her cake and eat it.
Sometimes we've just got to accept we can't be in two places at once, and being so blatant about cherry picking the best of both events, so to speak, is pig ignorant.
Make her choose.

but she doesn't have to choose does she OP says that her party ends when she needs to leave for the next party. She's not missing the OP's party.

Or possibly she doesn't want to disappoint either of the children whose parties they are so is going to run about like the proverbial blue arsed fly and chauffeur her DD from one party to the other because she's worried about upsetting the people who've been kind enough to invite her to their parties. Maybe she didn't realise the date clashed and accepted the other invite too and going to both seemed like the best solution.

Agree. Spectacularly rude. Either she come to your whole party or not.

Cant BEAR this terrible sense of entitlement so that others feelings/needs are never considered.

YANBU, I think that is incredibly rude. This child has been allowed to think it is ok not to think of others - she gets to do what she wants so the fact that your DD might be upset that her friend is leaving to go to another party is ok. The whole "you've already said yes to X so you can't do Y" is hard for kids to understand sometimes, but not teaching that lesson makes for the kind of self centred kids very much in evidence these days. Make her choose.

YANBU at all. If my dd has accepted an invitation then that's it - I would not let her go home early from the party or accept a different one just because something she perceives as a better offer comes up.

Those of you saying it's fine - how would you feel if you arranged a night out with your friend and she then phoned you just before to say 'I'll only be able to stay til 8 because I'm meeting up with another friend'?

I'm astounded by how little people consider the feelings of others, generally.

is she going early though I read it that the party ended when she wanted to go

In fact, this happened to us in the Easter holidays, and my daughter, who is 8 knew she had to follow through with the original invitation, it did not even occur to her to change it.

cornsilk - the child would be leaving early - it was supposed to be a sleepover.

YANBU, rude woman. I would tell my DD that she was already committed to the first party.

cornsyilk, DD's party is swimming then party tea and a sleepover. This child wants to come swimming but not stay for tea, singing Happy Birthday, blow candles out etc, as she needs to dash off to get to the other party.

To be honest, I'm not so much surprised that the other child wants to try and go to both parties, but what does astound me is that the other parents think it perfectly OK to be quite frank about the "she's been invited to something else she wants to do more" aspect.

I think it's very rude and would just arrange to be very late back from swimming! [evil grin]

YANBU and if she had been invited to both at the same time she could have mentioned it to you and agreed to just come swimming.

The fact she has been invited to the other party after your dds and is now only attending half of your dds is very rude.

Oooh. Like Debsbear's plan,

I think its a bit rude. It's like sating 'we have a better offer'. I can see where she is coming from though - her child has another invite and she really really wants to go. However, kids do need to learn manners - how would she feel if someone does this at her next party?

Make sure someone else has also been invited to the other party and has accepted both (so may not turn off or 'have to go' halfway through).

I think it's rude and I would ring her up and say that you don't want to be thinking about/worrying about getting finished for a certain time so you think that her dd should just go to the other party if that's what she wants to do.

The others might be having a roaringly good time at the pool and might not want to go. You might want a bit of flexibility. And it will affect the mood of the whole day if she just leaves partway through.

Oh I understand now peppin. I would be annoyed about that as well!

YANBU.

It is rude of the parents and I agree with savoy that you don't want to be running your daughter's trip to fit in with this girl's other commitments.

And how will she feel when she has to leave while the others are still having fun? She will enjoy the other party but when she leaves that one she will know that your daughter's sleepover is still going on and she is missing it. Are they going to bring her back because she has complained that she has to go home now instead of taking part in the sleepover?

I think I would ask DD how she felt about her friend leaving part way through the party. If she's fine with it, then leave the arrangements as they are (but don't hurry back from the swimming; you certainly don't want to cut it short just so the friend can skip off). If your DD is upset about it and worried that by one friend leaving part-way through it will affect the mood of the party, then tell friend's parents that actually the timing won't work for you so friend should just go to B's party.

Also, agree with Frontpaw - you need to check that there aren't other children who are planning to leave early to attend child B's party too.

Yes, leave swimming very late as they are all having so much fun.

It's very rude. I would be inclined to tell the mother not to bother to bring her child as you don't want to feel responsible for her being late to the other party should you happen to overrun (as is more than likely) at the swimming pool.