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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL wants to take ds on hot air balloon

175 replies

hellenback · 23/04/2012 14:58

I'm not keen - he is 13 - dd much younger not invited - MIL in 70's and not fit or active! Using all usual old lady tactics to get my consent but hanging tough - as what if something awful happens???? Son cross with me - when he's 18 he can make own choices. Am I the baddy???? DH on fence! She's been nagging now for 3 years!!!! Why won't she drop it and take her DD instead????

OP posts:
seeker · 24/04/2012 23:06

Up until what age? And how do you decide at what age a child is allowed to make this sort of decision for themselves?

sandyboots · 24/04/2012 23:28

great post 2rebecca - I think it's a bit odd too. why not take everyone for example?

OP I think you're getting a harsh time on here and I wouldn't be happy about it either FWIW. Is ds desperate to go? would you feel better if you all went?

bruffin · 24/04/2012 23:41

At 13 I don't think I would expect my Dss gps to ask me first, because to be honest there was very little I would have said no too.

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 24/04/2012 23:41

I'd be a bit annoyed if a relative promised one of the DC something we had said no to.

I think the grey area would come in around 15 year -17 year - possibly but very unlikely up 18 years. Not 10 or 13 - then we are still the parents making decisions and accessing most risks for them.

I'd be think if we'd said no and this relative was insisted that only one of my DC would be an acceptable companion for something we said no to and considered dangerous - I'd assume that this was more about making trouble and would probably say so to said relative every single time its mentioned and talk to our DC about how this wasn't a real offer but just trouble causing.

However I think hot air ballooning would probably get by me though as I don't currently view it as dangerous.

seeker · 25/04/2012 07:04

You see, I like my children to have strong independent relationships with adults who aren't their father or me. I don't feel the need to mediate between them and other trusted adults.

CountessChestyMcBoobdeLuscious · 25/04/2012 08:39

You must have exceptionally good relationships with your family then Seeker!

That isnt always the case, and if a GP or relative has an agenda and arent above using your child in that then you must act as "gatekeeper" if you like, purely to protect them. My mother would say things to the kids before saying anything to me, say about them staying over or going somewhere, when I had other things planned. It was power play, and only when she realised that I wouldnt play along did she stop.

Sometimes people are just thoughtless and dont consider other people when making their plans, and if you are dealing with someone like that then again, you have to be the one to say "Hang on a minute...."!
Sadly, not everyone is as kind and selfless as they would like you to think.

hardboiledpossum · 25/04/2012 08:54

I know a couple who were involved in a hot air balloon accident a few years ago, the husband died and the wife seriously injured. So even though I know the risks are very small I won't do it and I wouldn't allow my children to either.

seeker · 25/04/2012 09:27

"You must have exceptionally good relationships with your family then Seeker!"

No, I don't. But my children do. And by the age of 13 those relationships are independent of me.

Notice I said "trusted adult" . There are people in my family that I personally can't stand, but I still trust.

seeker · 25/04/2012 09:30

And, as I said, there is no suggestion that the OP is objecting because the day chosen isn't convenient- if I understand correctly it trip isn't even booked yet. It is just that the OP simply won't let her 13 year old go on an hot air balloon trip. Which is obviously bonkers if he wants to go.

olgaga · 25/04/2012 09:30

Up until what age?

Well it depends, doesn't it. On the child, on the circumstances, on the relationships, on a host of different factors - as 2rebecca and Countess illustrate. I think OP made it clear in her first post that there was a bit of an agenda here. MIL could have taken a balloon ride anytime if she was that desperate to do so. There is no reason she has to do this with a grandchild. Not taking no for an answer and nagging away for three years is manipulative, unpleasant and unnecessary - and bound to cause ill-feeling.

In arguing that "a 13 year old should be able to decide whether to go on a balloon ride himself" you completely (deliberately?) miss the point. Yes, on the face of it - but no, if it is against the parent's wishes.

Are you seriously suggesting that there must be a "cut-off point" at 13 or some other age (regardless of the maturity of the child) when you felt it was fine for your DC to go off and do what they wanted with others, without your approval? I would say that is dangerously naive and frankly inept parenting. It makes it much, much harder to draw the line if things start to go wrong.

I don't know whether you are projecting or speaking from experience when you say "Wow! Good luck when yours reach teenage years!". What I can say is, if you have let them set their own boundaries far too early your task will be much, much harder. You'll need more than luck - and so will the children.

I think your attempts to imply that OP is some kind of irrationally fearful control-freak are completely wide of the mark. Your further argument, that there is a precise age at which children become responsible for organising their own time regardless of their their parents' disapproval is frankly silly.

seeker · 25/04/2012 09:31

And thebis a difference between hobby ballooning, which is risky, and commercial balloon flights, which aren't.

Fireandashes · 25/04/2012 09:49

I should add to my earlier post that I am the most risk-averse person I know - I don't even go on fairground rides, and the thought of bungee jumping/sky-diving etc makes me feel physically sick - but I adored my ballooning experience, wasn't nervous beforehand and would go again in a heartbeat.

My only concern would be the MIL's ability to get in and out of the basket and brace herself for the landing, but a reputable commercial ballooning company would be able to advise on her fitness.

DeepPurple · 25/04/2012 10:35

I won a balloon flight. It wasn't something I'd ever considered before but it was an amazing experience! I can understand why you would be concerned but it's one of those once in a lifetime things.
Why not compromise and say she can take him for his 14th birthday? Or go with them and enjoy it too!

seeker · 25/04/2012 10:37

" Or go with them and enjoy it too!"

Ah yes. The magic power of the presence of a mother. Obviously it won't crash if she's there!

CountessChestyMcBoobdeLuscious · 25/04/2012 14:07

Seeker, are you being deliberately argumentative or just dense?

I suspect the DeepPurples suggestion was in order that the OP would feel happier knowing that she was there supervising her son, and might change her mind about how safe/risky the trip is by experiencing it herself.

I think that you are here to just pick fights tbh.

seeker · 25/04/2012 14:19

Nope- not dense.

Just can't bear helicopter parenting ( amazingly apt on this thread!). And the "your child-your rules" mantra. And the unspoken ageism and anti mother in law element of this thread. And the projection of a parent's irrational fears onto a child. And control freakery. And crap perception of risk.

CountessChestyMcBoobdeLuscious · 25/04/2012 14:46

Yep, dense.

seeker · 25/04/2012 15:02

What's your excuse?

eurochick · 25/04/2012 15:10

I find this thread really sad. It seems there are loads of parents out there who would prevent their children from experiencing some wonderful things as a result of their own irrational fears.

bruffin · 25/04/2012 15:47

We are talking about a 13 year old not a 3 year old. Some 13 yr olds are 6ft tall and shaving, the don't need that much supervising.
Agree with eurochick and seeker.

squoosh · 25/04/2012 15:50

I'd be more annoyed at the fact she only wants to take your ds and not your dd. Meanie.

Tell her you don't approve of favouritism.

BalloonSlayer · 25/04/2012 16:01

Well she'd need to check that

a) they accept 13 year olds

and

b) what their facilities are for the less agile.

When we went on one, the men ( Hmm but I was Grin I didn't have to help) had to help hold the balloon as it inflated. Then when the balloon bit was up but before it left the ground we had to belt squelching over a field of cowpats (ruined my shoes) and scramble into the basket VERY QUICKLY. The basket was about 4'6" tall - so not easy to get into, there were no steps.

When it came into land, the pilot advised that when it touched down it would fall over. He put the lightest person (me) at the back so that I would not get squashed. We duly landed, basket fell over, all yelled with laughter.

It was completely fab but not for anyone of not-normal fitness. I appreciate this might have been a crappy cheap balloon company but I think your MIL needs to check that the company she is planning to book is not like that. She needs to know that she will be helped in and out and that it will not be rough and ready.

Interestingly enough, this was 12 years ago, DH had booked it for my birthday and we both went. Every other passenger was male, they had all been bought the flight by their wives/girlfriends, none of whom went, they all stayed on the ground.

bruffin · 25/04/2012 16:05

The dd is much younger so probably too young.

runningforthebusinheels · 25/04/2012 16:11

For us, the basket was upright and stable when we climbed in. There were steps up, and the guys helped those with diffilculty - but I imagine it depends on the weather and the company/pilot.

We were warned that the basket might tip over on landing, but it didn't - the weather was very calm when we went up.

LillianGish · 25/04/2012 16:56

BalloonSlayer (what an apt name to be posting on this thread!) my experience of ballooning has always been as you describe.
Seeker - I love your helicopter parenting ref and I agree with everything you say.

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