MIL wants to take ds on hot air balloon

[hellenback]

I'm not keen - he is 13 - dd much younger not invited - MIL in 70's and not fit or active! Using all usual old lady tactics to get my consent but hanging tough - as what if something awful happens???? Son cross with me - when he's 18 he can make own choices. Am I the baddy???? DH on fence! She's been nagging now for 3 years!!!! Why won't she drop it and take her DD instead????

Agreed. And one of your responsibilities is not to let your irrational fears get in their way.

But seeker, there is nothing irrational about making plans to ensure there is a responsible adult there to accompany both the GM and the DS.

Well presumably if granny and DS get there and the organisers say 'sorry. we need someone more fit and able than you to be responsible for the 13 yr old' that will put a stop to it straight away unless your or your DH step in to take her place. But if they are Ok with it there isn't a problem.

Maybe saying a physically fit adult rather than a responsible adult would be less open to misinterpretation?

And why are we assuming that the MIl hasn't checked already that it's Ok for her to go? Because she's not a responsible adult?

It's a basket attached to a heated balloon... And for that reason alone, I wouldn't get in one. Each to their own!

And I remain firm in my point that the Grandparent should have discussed this with the Parent before the child was Ben aware to ascertain the Parent's feelings on this matter.

Made aware!

Don't know where the Ben came from.

I let my DD go paragliding in the Alps when she wasnt much older than your DS. It was the best experience of her life. Let him go knowing he has your blessing otherwise you will ruin the experience for him.

Ha Follyfoot I went paragliding in the Alps too. I didn't realise that you could get 'seasick'

So at what age would a child be able to make their own arrangements with their grandparents?

I took a travel sickness tablet first upahill, can recommend it

Your MIL isn't going to be piloting the balloon is she? What has being fit and active got to do with anything? I've done quite a few balloon rides and I'd say it is probably riskier for MIL than for your son as balloon baskets sometimes tip up on landing and bounce along the ground - no danger at all for 13-year-old or anyone else come to that, but possibly quite uncomfortable for a 70 -year-old. Let him do it - in fact why don't you go with them. Ballooning is amazing.

A bit late noe Follyfoot
My apoligies to the people of Chamonix!!!

I knew a work colleague who had a whole year off sick following a balloon crash landing where she shattered both her ankles!

However, I would have gone in a balloon on our recent trip to Kenya if it had been a lot more affordable. Those that did go said it was an amazing trip.

So at what age would a child be able to make their own arrangements with their grandparents?

At whatever age the parents felt was appropriate.

op, yabvu

Well at 13 I would have expected Ds to be looking after his nan, not the other way round ie helping her to get in.
My mum said the laid the basket on its side and they had to sort of crawl in, but she has arthritis etc and not the fittest 70 yr old and she managed ok.

I am with you OP - though I do think we might be being a bit U! Recently me and DH were automatically entered into a draw at an event - first prize was a helicopter ride for three people - my two DS's were desperate for one of us to win, and I was thinking - how the hell do I get out of this as there is no way on God's earth either me or they are going up in that thing! My DH was very cool about the whole thing and thought that of course if he had won he would take the boys up with him. Everyone else was up for it too, so I know I was being a total nob bit precious, but I wouldn't have been at all happy about it!

This thread reminds me of when we were little.
Me, my brother, dad and sister were about to go on a cable car and my mum was terrified. At the very last minute she jumped on and thought if we die, we all die together.

I went on the same cables on the Great Orme last summer 41 years after she had those thoughts!!

"So at what age would a child be able to make their own arrangements with their grandparents?

At whatever age the parents felt was appropriate."

Wow! Good luck when yours reach teenage years! Being a control freak is pretty counterproductive, you know!

Why is she so desperate to take her grandson and only her grandson? That's the bit that sounds odd to me. A 70 year old woman fancying a hot air balloon trip sounds fine, a 70 year old wanting some of her family to accompany her sounds fine, a 70 year old insisting that the only person in her family who should accompany her is her young grandson and refusing to go for 3 years because his parents won't let him go when he is 10 and she won't just take her adult son with her but insists only the granson will do is odd.

It's nothing to do with control freakery. There isn't a single 13 year old child in my family, or indeed in any family I know, who is able to decide when and where they go without first getting the agreement of their parents.

There is also no grandparent I know, or have ever even heard of (apart from here on MN) who would be so arrogant or foolhardy as to make arrangements of this nature with a child without first getting the agreement of the parents.

But it obviously depends on what kind of family you are. Do you think everyone's family must be the same as yours?

I agree. My kids are both teenagers, but if any of my relatives wonder if my kids would fancy doing x or y they run it by me first. They'd never just ask my kids as they know I'd then feel manipulated by them going on at me about it and me feeling like the baddy if I had other plans for that day etc. That's one reason we get on, the adults don't use the children to manipulate situations.
When my kids are 16 -18 (depending on the activity involved) they can then arrange things without me being involved, provided they aren't expecting me to pay for it or ferry them around.

"hey, grandson, I'd really like to go on a hot air balloon ride- fancy coming with me?"

"wow, gran, that sounds great!"

"OK- let's talk to your mum and dad about when would be a good day to do it"

Of course a 13 year old isn't able to plan when something like this should happen without consulting the rest of the family. But I still maintain that a 13 year old should be able to decide whether he wants to go on a hot air balloon ride by himself!

Thetis no suggestion that the problem here is which day it's going to happen on- that's just a red herring.

I disagree. I know that my dad would ask me first how I felt about him taking my kids up in a hot air balloon before he mentioned it to them. That's because I am the one with parental responsibility, and that involves deciding whether or not your kids go up in hot air balloons.
I see no sensible reason for asking a child about something like this before you discuss it with the parents.
What is the rush?
If the parent says yes then the grandparent can ask the kid if they're interested.