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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to know about your relationship with your siblings?

138 replies

BobMarley · 23/04/2012 11:34

Is it good? Bad?

I only have one brother, 3 years older and we didn't get on very well in our childhood but we get on very well now. He was very active and loud whilst I was more inclined to read a book in a corner. He teased me a lot. But obviously I didn't have any other siblings to pick from so I wonder if you have more than one sibling, do you have a favourite one?

I have three children myself (DD1 6, DD2 5 and DS1 2) so wonder if their experience of siblings is going to very different from mine.

OP posts:

hiddenhome · 23/04/2012 11:40

I have an older brother, but we weren't brought up together (he was at boarding school and I was in care). We did get back in touch briefly 9 years ago, but he allowed his wife to behave very hurtfully towards me at my wedding (brother is gutless wimp) and I haven't spoken to them since. It's sad, but he made his choice and I can't afford for them to hurt me like that. He did threaten to overdose me when I was very young, which probably hasn't helped things. My family are pretty awful.

I really hope my two kids get on with each other as they get older. I would hate it if they weren't there for each other

BonkeyMollocks · 23/04/2012 11:42

I have a younger half brother (Mum and stepdad). Ok relationship. Not particularly close, but we get on. 13 years between us. I left home when he was 4, I am sure that has something to do with it along with a tricky relationship with my mum.

Another older half brother. (dads son) 3 years between us. didn't know anything about him until I was 16. Mum decided it was best I didn't know . We get on, when we see each other. He lives 3 mins round the corner but we hardly ever see each other. I always make the effort never get anything back. i gave up because I was getting hurt. i last saw him June last year for a quick caht in the street.

I wish I had been told about him. I think it would have made a huge difference to our relationship. We already had separate lives by the time we met.

Ds is a only.

ShowOfHands · 23/04/2012 11:43

I love my big brother. He's my friend as well as my sibling.

TheSinglePringleWillicopters · 23/04/2012 11:43

I have 3 half sisters who I don't have anything to do with as they need their head removing surgically from their dads (ma sperm donors) arse!

I have one full brother who I don't see often as live in opposite sides of the town.

Then I have 3 other brothers and 2 sisters who live with my mum and her husband in ages of 17 to 9 month and get on with them fine and see them every week.

Babylon1 · 23/04/2012 11:45

Great relationship with younger brother, no relationship at all with older sister. She's a lying, manipulative cow and I can't imagine ever wanting her or her family in my life ever again.

Kladdkaka · 23/04/2012 11:46

What relationship? I have more of a relationship with the postman than with my siblings. I emigrated years ago. At first I worked to keep in contact with them, emails, phone calls, birthday cards, presents etc. It was never reciprocated so eventually I stopped. No row, no falling out, just ... meh.

YusMilady · 23/04/2012 11:49

My brother was all right until he took up with a lunatic girlfriend about 15 years ago. Now he's a husk of his former self but we still get on OK. One day we are going to have to work together to clean about twenty lorry-loads of crap out of our parents' house so it's best we keep on relatively friendly terms for the horrors to come.

ElizabethPonsonby · 23/04/2012 11:50

One brother, 18 months older than me. We used to fight like cat and dog until our mid teens, then we started getting on . I moved away to University when I was 18, he stayed at home, eventually moving out when his GF was excpecting their dd when I was 23.

I have always been much more independent than him, quite happy to be different and hold my own in any company. He always had to have the right stuff so he could fit in with the 'in' crowds at school, wheras I just like what I like!

He moved back in with my parents nearly 4 years ago when he and his partner split up (they have 2 kids) and as he only lived over the road always had quite a bit of help from my parents in comparison to me.( Not that my mum and dad don't help me out! They look after my dd one day a week from when I went back to work when she was 11 months and now she is at school they still pick her up 1 day a week despite living an hour away! They are fab!)

Desite him being the older one, I have often felt that I was older and more responsible than him and feel I need to look after him! Especially if my mum and dad are away and he has a sudden crisis, he always rings me for a loan (always very short term and always paid back). He even had to dash to mine one saturday morning (yes, still an hours drive each way) just so I could take him to the supermarket to get him a new microwave

timmyleedances · 23/04/2012 11:51

Only me and my sister.
She is an annoying interfering woman but lives very close and don't know how I would have done the whole single dad thing without her. She's one of my best friends

CMOTDibbler · 23/04/2012 11:52

I don't have a relationship with my brother. He lives 2 hours from me, 4 hours from our parents, and he's an arse to them. I see him once a year, and only contact him when I am dealing with an emergency with our parents - which he does nothing about

GinPalace · 23/04/2012 11:52

One sister - awful relationship when younger - became civil around my early 20's (she's older).

Now we are friends but I steer a wide berth around any conversations around our childhood as we have very disparate views which cannot be reconciled and it would just open pandoras box.

melbie · 23/04/2012 11:55

One sister- can honestly say she is one of my best friends. We argued and fought growing up but as soon as she moved out we started getting on really well. Plus step siblings who are all fab- one again I am v close to. I think it helps that we are all really close in age

gobbledegook1 · 23/04/2012 11:55

I have 2 sisters and they are 10 and 13 years older than me. When I was younger I never really had any sort of proper relationship with the eldest but we always got along. I used to idolise the younger of the two despite the fact she was always really mean to me and as an older child I would love going to stay over at her house. Once I became a teenager I stopped bothering with her and she eventually moved away and then at 18 so did I so we didn't really have any real contact for a long time until a few years ago when we all moved a stones throw away from each other. We all get along but I wouldn't say we were close.

Sargesaweyes · 23/04/2012 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beanbagz · 23/04/2012 11:57

Cool is the best way to describe my relationship with my sister.

We're very different people and were never close as children.

Now she's academic, i'm arty. She's a VERY pushy mum, my parenting approach is laid back. She talks constantly about what she & her family are doing and takes no interest in others.

Added to the fact that i once voiced my thoughts on how she treated her first husband, there have been periods when we haven't spoken to each other for several months.

Things got slightly better when i had DCs (she already had 2) but even now we generally only communicate by email or through our parents.

I can already see that my DCs are closer so i'm that they will have a healthy relationship when they grow up.

Original poster

BobMarley · 23/04/2012 12:00

It is very to hear of the ones that don't get on with their siblings. It seems though that you didn't get a chance to spend much time together as children? Would that have had an effect you think?

kladdkaka that is strange, did you get on with your siblings when growing up?

GinPalace funnily enough my brother and I do also have different views of our childhood. I was pretty oblivious to a lot of things, whilst he was more affected I think with a strained relationship with our father. We do respect that we both experienced it differently though. There is no wrong and right, if that makes sense

timmyleedances that sounds like a very typical sibling relationship! Annoying at times but still very close.

OP posts:

poppy283 · 23/04/2012 12:03

I'm the eldest of 3 sisters, middle is 3 years younger, youngest 6 years younger. Love youngest but not that close, she's v independent, currently living in London and at uni, me and Dd go and visit every couple of months.
Difficult relationship with middle sister, she's treated very differently by my parents, spoiled and belligerent. She still lives with mum + dad, I would make s half hearted effort to see her if she didn't, but more so she could see Dd than because I enjoy her company (i really don't!)

BupcakesandCunting · 23/04/2012 12:05

I have one brother 9 years younger than me, we've barely said a word to each other for almost two years. Suits me fine and my blood pressure has gone back to normal since I stopped bothering with the spiteful little arse.

Kladdkaka · 23/04/2012 12:08

kladdkaka that is strange, did you get on with your siblings when growing up?

Yes, we used to arguments and stuff like other kids, but generally we go along. Now it's pretty much wedding and funerals only.

NomNomDePlum · 23/04/2012 12:09

five siblings, one has cut contact, two have the sorts of mental illnesses that make relationships difficult, get on really well with the other two. i think age makes a difference to sibling relationships - all got on much better as young adults (except for sister who cut contact, who never got on with oldest sister). the illness puts a lot of pressure on things.

i'm hoping the dds will do better, but they are 3, and 5 months, so it remains to be seen.

LiviaAugusta · 23/04/2012 12:12

My brother is a lot younger than me and we have a cordial but distant relationship which makes me sad, particularly as DH is so close to his siblings (who are lovely). I adored my brother when he was a baby and we were great until he was about 7 or 8 and I was in my teens. Although we get on better now we're both adults, we'll never be close.

GinPalace · 23/04/2012 12:13

Bob yes it makes perfect sense, and good that you can accept alternate parallel realities and understand each other, that makes for a stronger relationship IMO.

sadly my sister cannot see that she made my life a living hell, so it isn't a case of two sides to the same coin and both being right, it is more a case of years of emotional abuse she can't see ever happened, because she didn't intend to do it, she didn't. Except that she did.

I on the other hand can accept she didn't intend to make me suicidal from age 5 - 18 she had her own problems and was oblivious to the effect she had, so don't need to hash it out with her. I just don't need a conversation where it never happened. Definitely a box to keep the lid on.

MsVestibule · 23/04/2012 12:13

One older sister. We're very close in age, but she's very definitely the one in charge. We got on well as children, but when we got to our late teens, she became very bitchy towards me (putting me down, no warmth from her at all, etc). Although I normally just took it, on the one occasion I told her to eff off, I became the family baddie . Since we've both had DCs, things are far less frosty, but I still feel resentful about the way she treated me for 15 years.

One younger sister, who I adore! Despte her being a few years younger, we get on very well. TBH, I don't think we'd be friends if we weren't sisters, mainly because she's super popular, family favourite etc. and I'm er, not .

I really, really hope my DCs get on well when they're older. They love each other so much now (although they're only 5 and 3) and I honestly think I would be heartbroken if that doesn't last. I do realise that they will have their ups and downs, though!

manicinsomniac · 23/04/2012 12:13

I have one sister, 2 years younger than me. We're very close and she's my best friend. We argue sometimes and don't live close but it doesn't make any difference.

She's the only person that I literally cannot imagine being able to live without. I would be/have been devestated if/when other family members die/died but not to the extent that I would be if she died.

Puffykins · 23/04/2012 12:15

Two younger sisters. Middle sister and I HATED each other growing up, but now that we're both married with babies we get on much better and probably speak about once a week. We each get on with each other's husband, which helps. I still think she's a bit weird though ( we're very different) and she probably thinks the same of me. Youngest sister and I were close growing up, but not so much now, mainly because she is very bad at keeping in contact - doesn't answer her phone, forgets to return calls etc. Middle sister and indeed mother both find it equally hard to keep in touch with her. Maybe it's a stage. Maybe not. Time will tell.

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