to want to know about your relationship with your siblings?

[BobMarley]

Is it good? Bad?

I only have one brother, 3 years older and we didn't get on very well in our childhood but we get on very well now. He was very active and loud whilst I was more inclined to read a book in a corner. He teased me a lot. But obviously I didn't have any other siblings to pick from so I wonder if you have more than one sibling, do you have a favourite one?

I have three children myself (DD1 6, DD2 5 and DS1 2) so wonder if their experience of siblings is going to very different from mine.

One older brother 5 years older (and another who sadly died when a baby)
Hes fab, and I love his wife too

In fact I had a dream last night where I gave him a big hug

Fb has been great for us as DB isnt a talker

GinPalace where were your parents when all of this was going on?
My brother was quite a horror to me for a while (which he admits) although I wouldn't say it was abusive, it did effect me. However, I put the blame for that more at my parents than at my brother as he was a child and nobody told him off for it and tought him how to behave a bit nicer to his sister.

I have a brother and sister, i am the youngest and spoilt its girl boy girl, with just under a two year age gap between each of us!! My poor parents

We were very close during our childhoods, the normal amount of bickering but we all loved each other.

9 years ago my brother left for America and has lived there ever since, i don't have the same adult relationship with him as i do with my sister, he was at uni for years before he left, so i stopped living with him when i was 15 so i think he still views me as his little teen sister, not the 30 year old that actually am. We lack the natural ease and flow that me and my sister have. However he is moving back in August so hopefully we can get some of that back. (very excited)

My sister moved to Canada 6 years ago, but we had a good few years of being adults together before she left so we have a much easier relationship i miss her without knowing i am missing her, think about her a lot more, especially now she's had a baby. (cutie pie he is) We are very close though, and we have a great relationship even though we are separated by way to many miles

I am the only child left, so i have a great relationship with my parents.

I wonder how much the parents have a hand in how siblings get on.

Also, I wonder with adult relationships how much is dependent on the partner your sibling(s) end up with?

My brother has always picked very nice, caring girlfriends and IMO it has made him a nicer person altogether and has actually contributed to our good relationship as adults.

I have one brother, he's 18 months older than me. We fought all the time when we were growing up. He once whipped me repeatedly with the metal buckle of a belt when I was about 13, so it was a bit more than typical sibling arguments I think (although my parents wouldn't agree with that).

I haven't seen him for about 5 years now, my parents kicked him out when I was 17 after he got involved with drugs and became very violent. I last saw him at my Granddad's funeral & I spoke to him through fb about 18 months ago now.

I have tried to track him down as he seems to have changed a lot and I would like to have some kind of relationship with him. He doesn't seem to be too bothered though and I imagine it'll be a while before I see him again.

I have a younger brother, we got on okay when I lived at home (he still lives there at 30 years of age ) I think now we kind of 'tollerate' each other now.
It is I would love a decent relationship with my brother but he is the kind of person I tend to go out of my way to avoid. He can be a likeable and nice person but it always comes with strings, we can't just chill out and spend time together as I am constantly walking on eggshells so as not to unintentionally upset him with some imagined slight. I have many theories as to why our relationship came to be like it is

I have 2 DD's and I hope to god they don't grow up feeling like I do towards my brother, I want them to love and look after each other, be there for each other, like each other and be able to be in the same room without one thinking the other has done something to upset the other.

In fact I am quite upset now I think about mine and my brothers relationship, he is my brother, I love him, but I don't like him very much as a person and I am really upset by that, I am actually crying

StandingAlone, I'm so sorry to read that. What do you think has caused the relationship to be like that?

I'm sure your DD's won't grow up like that and you will teach your girls how to do that.

I have 3 half siblings with whom I have a non existent relationship with them :-(. My paternal parent's daughters are 2 of the nastiest bitches I've ever met.

StandingAlone, I know exactly how you feel. It's very hard to reconcile the feelings isn't it?

I hate some of the things my brother did and the way he nearly tore my family apart and I didn't really like him very much as a person but I still love him because he is my only brother and I will always love him.

I guess what upsets me most is thinking of the relationship we could have had, because sometimes I saw small glimmers of it but it never seemed to last very long.

Very bad. I haven't spoken to mine for years. They're not very nice. They would probably say the same about me however. I don't think it's a shame anymore, I'm happy that I don't have to have a relationship with them.

My brother is 2 1/2 years older than me & we have a great relationship. We're very similar in a lot of ways but had quite a traumatic childhood when our parents divorced which I think is what made us so close.

Reading this thread has made me realise how lucky I am.

I have a brother and a sister. We all fought as kids, especially me and my sister, possibly because we shared a room.

However now I love them both to bits and would count my sister as a very close friend.

I find it normalising that so many here don't have much of a relationship with siblings - I thought i was wierd!

I have an older sister and a younger brother - brother lives other side of the country with dw and dc and we rarely see him - even on Mothers Day he never phoned mum or sent a card.

Sister I fell out with big-time about 2 years ago - basically she told me i was a bad mother and wife, for leaving my exdh and taking the dc.(to live round the corner from him) i'd been married nearly 18 years and my dc were 17, 13 and 11, she told me that a mother 'should be there for the kids for 20 years, they should come 1st.' I agree, but she did the same to her dh when her kids were 3 and 2! And her kids have never come first to her - she had only just finished telling me about the gym membership/swimming/car boot sales/ ebaying she was doing, which took 'all her time'!

Fell out with dad when he had an affair and blamed everyone (mostly me) for it.

Anyway.....glad it's not just me

1 sister approx 2 years younger than me.

We fought (physically and verbally) and did not get on as kids.

As adults we don't speak at all (my choice).

I hope to fuck my kids get on better. At the moment they get on fantastically but they are still very young (7yo and 20 months).

Indifferent, really. We rarely see each other, and don't have much to say to each other when we do. We used to fight a lot as children/teenagers, and my childhood was quite unhappy as a result. Now they're just irrelevant to my life really.

Personally I would never choose to have more than one child, and struggle to understand why anyone would. I realise that comes from my own experience though, and it's different for others!

StandingAlone I'm so sorry to hear that. If he's still living at home do you think there's a deeper problem with him - I don't mean that rudely at all - but hope you see what I mean.

I have one brother, 2 years older. We fought like all (?) siblings when we were young but became good friends when he went off to uni. For the next few years we really had one extended group of friends - his school friends, my school friends, his uni friends, my uni friends - all of whom tended to congregate at our family home because my Dad was very easy going and loved having lots of young folk round. It was a brilliant time.

When Dad died my brother took on 99.9% of the responsibility of sorting out the will, the house, etc, and our relationship became a bit strained (entirely my fault). We had a big and very sad argument a couple of years later, cleared the air and are now very close again. I feel very lucky to have him.

Whether parenting had anything to do with it, I don't know. I sometimes think my brother and I are so close because, with both of our parents dead, we're sort of all we've got left of our family.

All a bit Waltons I'm afraid. I have a sister (3 yrs younger) and 2 half brothers (7 & 10 years younger than me) & we get on brilliantly. My sister has her moments, she can be a little very self centred. I also have 3 step siblings that I get on well with too.

I have 2 sisters, one is 8 years older than me and my other sister is 18 months younger. With my older sister, we get on well enough, but don't bother too much about keeping in touch. My younger sister is one of my closest frineds as well, we speak to each other pretty much everyday.

I have one sister, 15 years younger than me. Loved her dearly throughout her childhood, was there for her as a teen, and since she hit adulthood she has become my very best friend. We see each other at least three times a week and talk every day. We complete each other's sentences and always totally "get" each other.
There are things we disagree on, but we are more than able to accept that and it never affects our relationship.
Having read this thread, I feel ridiculously lucky!

I have 2 younger brothers and one younger sister. I love them very much but don't get much (if any) back. I'm the dependable eldest and since I have stood up to them about treating me and my family badly I rarely see them. My first brother is hard working, loyal but very touchy. He dishes out what he cannot stomach in return. He tells tall tales and embroiders lots of detail into them. Then he forgets what he has said and to whom. It has cost him friends and partners. He gets into fights a lot and doesn't have much respect for women. I think I am the only woman in his life that he can't patronise. He tries to talk me down. Our mother wasn't the strongest of role models as she became an abusive alcoholic to us (Her children)and he has witnessed her being beaten by our step dad in the past. He doesn't remember the strong, bright and vivacious single mother she was prior to marrying our (now ex) step father.
My second brother was lovely. Very giving and generous. He was in a band that have had some mild success, engaged, and handsome. (At one point he was regularly mistaken for Martin Fowler from Eastenders) He started smoking weed to "chill". 4 years later he is in debt up to his eyeballs, paranoid, smelly, a father to two beautiful children he hasn't set eyes on in 3 years, paying £6 a fortnight from his giro or their upkeep, abusive to our mother, takes her for granted and lives in her spare room a stinking hell hole smoking, drinking and watching telly or surfing the net. He divorced me as a sister for daring to stay in regular contact with his children. I believe he recently got a job in a call centre. Lets hope its a new start.

My sister is stunning and lovely with it. She is a model and a touring nightclub dancer. She is working in Miami at the moment. Following her updates on fb is lovely for me as she is living her life without blaming her childhood for her present adult state. Our mum kicked her out at 14 and I took her in. I'm 10 years older than her. People are often shocked to discover we share the same DNA as she is the complete opposite to me :o Blonde, size 8, petite... she thinks Cellulite is a battery make. I'm proud of her. She treats me and he nephews and nieces like royalty and I get excited when she comes to stay. Its a shame I only see he 2-3 times a year. :(

BobMarley There are many reasons, some of which may be me clutching at straws others may be true, I really try not to think about it too much anymore.

One main factor could be that he is never able to do wrong in my mum's eyes, my dad saw it but stayed quiet for an easy life. He is god and can do no wrong according to mum. My mum worships the ground he walks on and I am not kidding. I on the other hand did the most terrible thing of being born female and first, boys are revered in my family and girls are nothing more than a means to an end. I came to the conclusion a while ago that my mum has narc tendencies and I am the scapegoat while my brother is the goldenchild. I have worked hard at making my peace with that as they will never change or see what they have done to me and my mental wellbeing, so it is up to me to deal with how I feel about it all and how I deal with it all.

My mum and I have got on better since I have moved out, I was 17 and am now 33. I get on okay with her but have a closer relationship to my dad, I am cordial with my brother although he isn't to me

It is sadly very reassuring that others have similar bad relationships with their siblings, it makes me very sad but helps me see that I am not the only one going through this and gives me strength.

I am lucky I have a fantastic husband and my girls are my world, my extended family are fab and I am very lucky I have them, also DH's family are fantastic and have accepted me into the folds of their family, warts and all, and love me as one of their own as I love them. Also my MIL is the most kind, amazing, funny woman I have ever met and she loves me for being me, something which my own mother could never have done and will never do.

SmilingandWaving I agree, it is very difficult to reconcile the feelings we have, I think I have almost mourned the loss/non existence of my relationship with my brother and have almost come to terms with it.

Oh, it's so sad to hear how many people have unhappy relationships with their siblings. I'm in the middle of two brothers and love them to bits.

It wasn't always great - my elder brother was 3 years older and we really loathed each other until our late teens, which must have made my parents despair. But I think my dad's protectiveness over me as a baby was ruinous for us - my brother got spanked or shouted at all the time for hurting me, and I remember him as the "black sheep" of the family from a v early age. Now I have three boys under 5, who interact with each other in variously physical ways, and really love one another, I feel really sad for my brother.

But we had a couple of (drunken) chats about it years later, then he married my fab SIL, and all our children adore each other.

I played my little bro (5 years younger) as a child and we've always been close.

Our relationships with each other now are all v respectful, though. It's as if we know it could all go tits up if any of us got too judgemental/abrasive.

summerintherosegarden I do think there are deeper problems with my brother in that he is just a not very nice person unless he has his own way all the time. He has been conditioned to be like that by my mum, but I do believe that as a 'grown up' 30 year old he has the choice the decide to change things, he wont as they work for him this way. I also believe my mum and brother have undiagnosed mental ill-health, though what, I don't know, my armchair psychology only gets me so far

I have a sister with whom we don't really get on with. We keep in touch, largely through our parents, but it wouldn't take long for us to be arguing. Our problems stem from a bit of a viscious circle. I was a fairly affectionate kid (my grandad used to comment how I'd always make sure I hugged him before we left) who did quite well academically.

Over the years, I've stayed very close to my parents who are proud of me, and like spending time with me, and I like spending time with them. My sister, on the other hand has drifted further and further away and there's very little closeness. I would say she's quite a bitter person, with very few friends

I'm sure it could all be analysed and perhaps a child psychologist could have managed to stop the cycle early on and I don't blame my parents, or even my sister, but somewhere along the line, I think she was damaged.