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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to know about your relationship with your siblings?

138 replies

BobMarley · 23/04/2012 11:34

Is it good? Bad?

I only have one brother, 3 years older and we didn't get on very well in our childhood but we get on very well now. He was very active and loud whilst I was more inclined to read a book in a corner. He teased me a lot. But obviously I didn't have any other siblings to pick from so I wonder if you have more than one sibling, do you have a favourite one?

I have three children myself (DD1 6, DD2 5 and DS1 2) so wonder if their experience of siblings is going to very different from mine.

OP posts:
anniemac · 23/04/2012 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

titfortat · 23/04/2012 13:46

I have one half sister on my mothers side who is 10 years younger than me. Due to many reasons which I shall not be going into, we are extremely close to the point we have more of a mother daughter relationship. I love her just as much as I love my kids and she stays with me every school holiday.

I also have an older half brother, older half sister and a younger half brother on my dads side who don't even know I exist. (I was the result of an affair) So no relationship there whatsoever.

argghh · 23/04/2012 13:50

3 fabulous older sisters, very close, very supportive.

The middle one died in January and it feels like a part of us is missing

StripyMagicDragon · 23/04/2012 13:55

I have a brother and a sister.
I'm closer to my brother, but not that close to be honest. He wasn't brought up in the same household as us because we have different mothers.
My sister and I cannot be in the same room as each other for too long. We were abused by a close family member and share too many bad memories. We get on with each other, but we each trigger memories for the other.

Original poster
BobMarley · 23/04/2012 13:56

Sad argghh

OP posts:
Original poster
BobMarley · 23/04/2012 13:57

and StripyMagicDragon Sad too

OP posts:
LauraShigihara · 23/04/2012 14:02

I have a brother who is a year younger than me. I have to say, he probably the most difficult person I have ever encountered and I find him draining to be around.

He thinks I am stupid, has no interest in my children and actively dislikes my husband, which makes for interesting family gatherings.

The only reason I have regular contact (which I initiate) is because he has a very lovely wife and wonderful children, none of whom take after him, thank god.

mrspepperpotty · 23/04/2012 14:15

My brother is 18 months older than me. We fought a lot as children but get on fairly well now. However, although I wish him all the best in life and would be there for him if he needed me, we are very different people and do not have a close relationship. We live about 4 hours drive apart, see each other once or twice a year and rarely phone or email.

I have no problems with this and "close sibling relationships" is not especially high on my list of hopes and dreams for my DC. Would be lovely if it happens, but no bother if it doesn't.

Bennifer · 23/04/2012 14:23

PS, for those who aren't close to their siblings, it would be interesting to hear their side of the story. I know my sister thinks I'm an arrogant sod.

captainmummy · 23/04/2012 14:40

Bennifer - I'm sure my sister thinks the same about me, but she really is incapable of thinking of anyone else. She would say that I have fallen out with most of the family because of the way I am.

I think that the rest of my family are the ones with the problems

CailinDana · 23/04/2012 14:46

Bennifer, according to my sister everyone else in the world is wrong and "inconsiderate" and she is the only right one so I'm sure she'd have plenty to say about me! Never mind the fact that she borrows money from my other penniless student sister and then gives her a hard time if she asks for it back - in her mind she is entitled to everyone else's money.

LauraShigihara · 23/04/2012 14:56

Bennifer - my brother thinks he is a towering intellectual and would, without a doubt, tell you that I am (as he has enjoed pointed out to me ) just a stupid housewife and that I am common and my husband is a working class thicko. We are also Guardian-reading wet liberals and we don't understand that Racism, Sexism and anything else remotely kind is a sign of our stupidity.

Oh, and we are apologists for the evil that is homosexuality. And he is desperately unkind to his wife and children.

So maybe his opinion wouldn't really be that interesting.

justtryingtodomybest · 23/04/2012 15:07

I am number 3 of 4 - 2 older sisters and a younger brother. My sisters are four and two years older than me. My brother is four years younger. Our relationships have definitely changed as we've grown up. My brother and I probably had most to do with each other when we were younger - my sisters spent more of their teenage years together (although they used to fight like cat and dog).

My brother now lives abroad with his wife and family. Although we get on okay we don't have that much contact with each other and don't know the detail of each others' lives.

The elder of my two sisters is my best friend now. We genuinely enjoy each others' company and spend as much time together as we can - although we live 150 miles apart. We have very similar tastes in clothes, furnishings etc and similar views on life. We are both on MN and I could just about guess her reaction to most threads on here!

Debsbear · 23/04/2012 15:31

I am the second of 4 siblings. I have an older brother, a younger brother and a sister 10 years younger than me. I used to fight daily (many times) with both of my brothers but possibly because my sister was so much younger or because my mother was ill when my sister was very young I spent a lot of time caring for her (my sister). As a result, although we are all close, I have a very special bond with my sister. I can't imagine life without any of them, and hope my own children grow up to value their siblings as much as we do.

Debsbear · 23/04/2012 15:31

Just read my post - pass the bucket someone!! Grin

Original poster
BobMarley · 23/04/2012 15:43

It is interesting (and a bit scary!) that the relationship can change so much and getting on in childhood doesn't mean you get on as adults and vice versa.

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wannabeamillionaire · 23/04/2012 15:44

I am one of five, did not get on with any of them when we were younger and I ended up in care (for lots of reasons). Now in our adult years with my mum passed away and dad has been diagnosed with alzhiemers we are really close all of us.......... shame it took so much to get us all close :(

My two siblings are extremely close and look out for each other

nickelhasababy · 23/04/2012 15:46

i've got 2 sisters, one either side.

i hated my big sis growing up - she was greedy and selfish and mardy and bossy.
she always stuck up for me outside of the house, so i loved her for that.

my little sis was practically my best friend - i did everything with her.
i think she didn't feel the same way.

now, i very rarely see or speak to my little sis, and know very little about her life (i know it's not deliberate, she's very private person)
my big sis and i have a much better relationship now, and she's always there for me, and hands me down stuff, and visits me.

Sargesaweyes · 23/04/2012 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BobMarley · 23/04/2012 16:02

wannabe am glad to hear you are close to your siblings now but indeed very sad it took these sad events to make it so. Sometimes I suppose it takes events like that to appreciate what you have together.

OP posts:
Original poster
BobMarley · 23/04/2012 16:03

Sargesaweyes Grin

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purplefairies · 23/04/2012 16:04

I have one younger sister and we didn't get on at all when we were younger - I was the "boring" academic one (all books and no boyfriends) and she was (and still is) the pretty, popular, party-going one. I also felt that, as the older sister, I was expected to be responsible and well-behaved, whereas she got away with more "mistakes". My Dad always tried to "make up" for the fact that my sister wasn't as academic as I was by putting me down in front of her (great strategy!) - as an adult I can appreciate (not understand) what he was trying to do but as a child it caused a lot of resentment.

We get on ok nowadays, in the sense that we can quite happily spend a day out together and have a good time but not in the sense that I'd want to confide in her or share secrets. It's not that anything horrible has ever happened between us, but we're just two very different people, with very different opinions, friends, partners and interests and no amount of "shared childhood" can change that.

I do think that people who grew up as only children can have an oddly romantic view of what it means to have siblings. Of course, some turn out to be best friends, but that's a question of luck more than anything else. Nobody (and no amount of parenting) can morph your personalities to make you better-suited. I love my sister because she's my sister, but I wouldn't say that our relationship has a huge impact on my life.

purplefairies · 23/04/2012 16:04

I should add that I live abroad, which I suppose makes for a different relationship than one where you live around the corner from each other.

Original poster
BobMarley · 23/04/2012 16:12

purplefairies I think you are right that having siblings can be romantisised and I'm sorry you do not have a close bond with your sister.

Personally I think it is nice to have a sibling that mostly went through the same childhood as I did, with the same parents. Even though we have experienced it differently, we are kindred spirits for it. My brother also lives abroad (and so do I - we are both in a different country than our mother and eachother) so we don't live in eachothers pockets but whenever we speak and visit we feel very close. But we do have similar personalities and similar outlooks on life.

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ReebleBauble · 23/04/2012 16:30

I have 4 older brothers and 1 younger sister. We're scattered all over the place now (Cornwall, Bristol, Buckinghamshire etc) so dont see eachother unless I visit.

Brother 1 and I dont speak anymore because of his jealous, spiteful wife. Big falling out about a year ago that neither of us can forgive. We didnt get along growing up either. Hes quite aggressive and violent and is 10 years older than me.

Brother 2 I adore. Hes in the navy and off to Afghanistan soon. I'm so proud but so worried. Get along great with his wife and his children are simply gorgeous. Was scared of him growing up as he was a bit of a thug, but cleaned up his act when his DD was born 12 years ago.

Brother 3 is the eldest of twins. 5 years older than me. Didnt much like him growing up. Hes very intelligent but cynical, teased me a lot. We get on great now and hes the first to say hello when I visit. Is a gem with my 16mo DD too.

Brother 4 (younger twin)was the one who antagonised me the most growing up. He even caused me to have petit mal epilepsy! Got on like a house on fire once I hit my 20's and we were as thick as theives until I became pregnant. Then I couldnt join in his party lifestyle anymore and we sorta drifted apart. Still get along, but no more all night drinking sessions across Bristol!

Sister. My Mum left us when I was 8 and sis was 4. My Dad couldnt cope and I was left to raise her. She was spoilt and agressive and always got her own way. There were fist fights (that I never started but always ended) and I was forced to leave home at 15. We get on great now, I took her to New York for her 21st and shes my maid of honour at my wedding in June. Still winds me up like no other person can, but I can cope if I treat her like a daughter rather than a sister.

Despite having such issues with my siblings, I still want my DD to have at least one of her own. If they both get my temper though, I can see myself duct taping them to the wall.