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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my sister may be an alcoholic

87 replies

frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:13

My sister has always liked a drink but I was a bit shocked to find out when staying with her recently that she drinks at least one bottle of white wine every night. She does this in company or alone.

I told her it seems a lot and she got really cross. AIBU in thinking she's an alcoholic?

OP posts:
catherina70 · 22/04/2012 21:15

I think one bottle of wine is a lot per night - more than is healthy or recommended, but I couldn't say if it made her an alcoholic or not.

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2012 21:16

It's quite a lot if it's every night but that doesn't necessarily make her an alcoholic.

Perhaps she just loves her wine...in the same way that some people love cakes/chocolate etc.

TheFeministsWife · 22/04/2012 21:17

It depends on whether she feels she can do without it or not. I would say she was on her way to being one yes. I used to drink that much, it's when I started feeling like a drink at 1 in the afternoon and yearning for it to be the kids bedtime so I could have a drink that I knew I had a problem. I cut it out completely at first, and then after a few months slowly had a drink occasionally. That was 2 years ago, now I usually have a few glasses of wine at the weekend. I dread to think what state I'd be in if I'd carried on drinking like that.

Original poster
frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:18

She works and never has a day off sick or anything but she never has a night without drinking and if she work away she drinks at least one bottle in her hotel room every night.

I am worried about her. She gets really wound up and bursts into tears at anything she perceives as criticism.

OP posts:
medievalgirl · 22/04/2012 21:18

Well the weekly recommended limit for women is 14 units, and if a bottle of wine has 9 units then she's drinking 63 units per week. Not ideal...

TattyDevine · 22/04/2012 21:18

Not necessarily.

TattyDevine · 22/04/2012 21:19

Physically she could probably stop suddenly with no ill effects, unlike most "true" alcoholics.

ArcticRain · 22/04/2012 21:20

My sister and I used to drink similar when we lived together . Was life style and habit , not alcoholism. I have alcoholics in the family . It's completely different . I don't do it now though . I have a young baby !

medievalgirl · 22/04/2012 21:20

Whether or not she's got an addiction, she's drinking enough to seriously risk her health.

sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 21:21

It's daily units not weekly and no one has the right to label anyone an alcoholic.

medievalgirl · 22/04/2012 21:22

"It's daily units not weekly "

Err no, it's 14 units per WEEK, not per day!!

maristella · 22/04/2012 21:22

It that not about 80 units a week? Shock

I would say that there may well be an element of dependency there at the very least.

sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 21:23

2-3 per day for a lady Hmm

maddening · 22/04/2012 21:24

can she go through a few months without alcohol? Or even a week?

Original poster
frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:24

She is not young (over 50) and she has been drinking like this for quite a long time (according to her sons). On the last day of my stay with her we ran out of wine and she was seriously upset and insisted we went to the pub where she bought a bottle to drink there and one to bring home.

OP posts:
Brightspark1 · 22/04/2012 21:25

Whether or not she is an alcoholic depends on how dependent she is, the fact she got cross with you points to the fact that she is on the defensive. Either way, it is 'hazardous', at least twice 3x the recommended safe limit for women; it is almost definitely affecting her health.
I work in the NHS, and regularly see quite young women with alcohol related health problems, I find it so sad.

maristella · 22/04/2012 21:25

There are weekly and daily recommended limits, both of which the OP's sister is significantly exceeding.

And yes, people do have the right to label an addict if the cap fits.
That's not to say that the OP's sister is an alcoholic, but it is likely.

squeakytoy · 22/04/2012 21:26

One bottle of wine if drank over a period of a few hours is only 3 glasses.. it isnt really that bad in my opinion..

Certainly no worse than smoking 20 fags a day...

LRDtheFeministDragon · 22/04/2012 21:26

I don't know how many 'true' alcoholics can stop suddenly with no ill effects, but anecdotally, I know plenty of alcoholics who can. You've got to remember that if you are drinking a lot, getting shaky and feeling awful will eventually be your standard morning (afternoon, evening ...) routine so the difference between that and some of the physical symptoms of withdrawing won't be so huge.

I'm trying to suggest there are no dangers to a heavy drinker suddenly stopping, because there are - just concerned at this picture of 'true' alcoholics.

IMO it's not easy to say whether another person is an alcoholic, or 'just' a heavy drinker, or a problem drinker. But if she keeps drinking a bottle a day, she will almost certainly kill herself in the end. That's the reality of it.

Question is, what are you planning/hoping to do? It's not an easy position you're in.

Original poster
frillyflower · 22/04/2012 21:26

I don't want to label her out of meanness! I want to help her if I can.

OP posts:
sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 21:27

I worked in addictions for 10 years - many with alcohol dependant service users.

Gov no longer talk about weekly limits it is daily limits look on the alcohol awareness website.

sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 21:27

Mainly doh!

sensuallettuce · 22/04/2012 21:28

And only you can decide if you are an alcoholic.

featherbag · 22/04/2012 21:31

I think she would fall into the 'hazardous drinker' category rather than 'alcohol dependent' based on what you've said - if she's still fulfilling her obligations, etc.

From my uni project on the subject:
"Hazardous drinking is the consumption of alcohol at a high enough level to increase the risk of negative consequences. Consumption at this level is usually higher than daily and/or weekly recommended limits. Harmful drinking is the continued excessive consumption of alcohol despite the alcohol-related harm having occurred, for example someone who continues to drink alcohol despite being diagnosed with gastritis caused by their alcohol consumption. Dependent drinking is characterised by the presence of symptoms indicating alcohol dependence syndrome, such as tolerance, withdrawal, an uncontrollable urge to drink and the neglect of other activities in favour of drinking alcohol."